Ask Max Monday: You Are Worth It

January 23, 2017 |

Ask Max Monday

Max, my cat doesn’t bite me, exactly, but he sets his teeth on me sometimes. Why?

There are a couple of reasons why. 1-he’s warning you that he could bite, but he’s choosing not to. 2- he loves you and has no concept of what kissing really is. Or 3-he’s taste-testing you. I’d sleep with one eye open, if I were you. Just in case.

Max dood you know everything so tell me

Why is chicken so good and why doesn’t my mom feed me more of it? Why does she get mad when I ignore my dinner and try to steal chicken off her plate? She might give me a little tiny bit but it’s not enough and then why does she give some to my stupid sisfur as well?


Chicken is good because it’s made from real live fresh dead chicken. I don’t suppose the chickens are very happy about it, but they’re very tasty and I, too, enjoy it quite a bit. In fact, I like it so much that when the people have it, I sit very nicely on the floor by their feet, because if I’m good, I get a few bites.

That’s the key: don’t try to steal it. Make a bargain: you be good and wait, and then you get some bites.

Not much you can do about your sister getting some, too, but as long as you do, what’s the harm?

Hay Max, wuts PURRSONUL SPACE and why do I keep gettin in trubble for invading it?

Most people seem to think they need to have a three foot radius all the way around them that no one else gets to step into. If anyone does, they get all nervous and twitchy. Now, this doesn’t usually extend to the kitties, so I dunno what the problem is with your people.

Maybe it’s your breath…?

I’ve been testing the Woman’s personal space this week, sitting super close to her while she works. She’s not happy about it, but, oh well. At least now I know I can sit within 6 inches before she gets all huffy about it.


Well, you can send them, but that doesn’t mean I’ll answer the door. But even if I don’t, there’s space in the garage, and they can curl up on the seats of the rumbly bikes to sleep. No one cares what the bikes smell like. I’m not sure about how they’d go about getting fed while living out there, but we used to have rats, so maybe a few are still hanging around. I hope they like hunting.

Max, Owr food lady is pritty hissed off bowt stuff rite nao. She wannit to go marching dis weekent becuzz da noo prezident uhparently grabs food ladiez by deir cats. He sed “grab ’em by da cat!” Shood we be worreed we will git grabd? Wut do we do if we get grabd?!?! Dis wurlt ain’t safe fur food ladiez or deir gurlcats! Luff, Spider and Gracie, gurlcats hoo stan up for gurlhoomans

Naw, I wouldn’t worry. The Presidood has a lot of people watching him all the time now, so there won’t be many opportunities for inappropriate grabbing of much of anything. But, if you do get grabbed—by anyone, because this is not a political thing, it’s a safety thing—you have the right to sink your mighty fangs into to closest fleshy part you can. Sink those fangs deep, and don’t let go until they’re crying.

That goes for people, too. If someone grabs a part of you without your permission—any part of you—you have the right to defend yourself. The problem is, and this is something the Woman learned when she was doing karate things, far too many people don’t defend themselves when they can, because they don’t feel like it’s right to hurt someone else. Not even when they’re being hurt. And being grabbed? That’s being hurt. It sticks with you long after it’s over.

People: Give yourself permission to defend yourself. This is so important that I’m going to say it with shouty words:


You are worth far more than the person trying to do you harm. You care allowed to bite, scratch, punch, elbow, kick, or whatever else you need to do to stop the assault and to get away. No one gets to grab ANYTHING on you unless you say it’s okay. If they do it anyway, let ’em have it.

The details can always be sorted out later, but you have every right to not let someone get away with harming you.

Got a question for me?
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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

Comments (3)

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  1. Dear Max,

    Please stop telling the cats that breakfast should be served at 5am.

    Thanks, the mom

  2. Minerva says:

    Max, why do some cats refuse to eat gushy food? My brother loves dry food but won’t touch the stinky goodness that I and my other two siblings love. What is his problem???

  3. Max, excellent advice in our new environment! Grabbers, beware!! Fangs are poised!


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