Ask Max Monday: I Yelled At Mr. Boo

Ask Max Monday

There were no questions for this week, which is okay because I had a totally traumatic experience and am still recovering from it. I mean, there I was, having a nice quiet life, minding my own business, taking a nap on the big bed, when the Woman came in and woke me up and then she carried me to the living room where I was SHOVED into the PTU.

Now, I was still sleepy so I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it couldn’t be good, especially since right after that she took me outside and put the PTU on the back seat of the blue rumbly machine. She also made the Man sit back there; I dunno what he did to get in trouble, but I’m pretty sure he usually gets to sit up front.

Anyway, we wound up at the stabby place, and before I could get my wits about me and complain, one of the stabby assistants took me into the back room and weighed me and then STOLE MY BLOOD. I never even had the chance to get good and mad about it, although I did poop all over him, which is kind of a win for me.

Next thing I know, I’m back in the front with the Man and the Woman, and while the Man PAID THEM FOR THOSE INDIGNITIES, the shop cat came over to say hello.

Well, I was about 67 kinds of upset, so I wasn’t exactly nice to him.

I mean, look. You can tell his feelings were hurt. I feel bad about that now, because he was just trying to be friendly, but I was really upset.

All the way home the People kept telling me it had to be done, they needed my blood to see how my thyroid is doing, but I could have told them I’m doing just fine. I mean, sheesh, ASK a guy once in a while, you know.

But, they kind of made it up to me by giving me my birthday present early.

LEGAL WEED, DOODS!!!

The joys of California living. A new dispensary opened up here in town so I’m sure that’s where they got it. And it’s a primo variety. I think they spent, like, a lot on it.

There’s a lot of it, so I’ll probably be nice and share it with Buddah.

So. Questions next week, all right? Otherwise I’m gonna talk about whatever happens to be on my mind, and it might be politics, and no one wants that.

Got a question for me?
You can leave it in the comments below,
or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

You can also find me on Facebook.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (14)

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  1. Erin the Cat says:

    Dear Max. With a new season comes the eternal question as to what to wear, well for humans anyway. What stye tips can you offer the ill paid housekeeper, or general household labourer?
    Do you have any fashion preferences besides the super cool hat. Obviously we Tuxedo’s have the best attire, especially for dressing up, but what about casual add-ons and accessories?
    Toodle pips
    ERin

  2. Oh Max! Blood stolen, pooping on the vet (!)…but SCORE of all scores…primo nip! Looks good enough for a human to enjoy…

  3. Ashley Wednesday says:

    Maybe Mr. Boo might like some weed as an apology.
    Sorry they had to steal your blood. My brofur Nougat went to have his blood stolen a while ago – he is a 16 year old geezer- and the stabby lady said even with 3 techs they couldn’t hold him still. Mom had to hold him. I think Nougat may be Chuck Norris.

  4. Laurel Glasco says:

    Hey Max,

    You gots the same kind of transport that we has except that ours is all black. You are stylin’ when you has to go to the shabby place!

    Best wishus,
    Lady Charlotte, Linnet and Chaucer

  5. Dear Max,

    Congrats on the legal weed. But…I don’t get it. My mom has let me have some a few times and I got nothing. My sister Daiquiri seems to like it. What does it do??

    Thanks, Chanel

  6. Angel and Gandalf says:

    Max, we didn’t have questions because last week you answered one that has been bothering us–how to get the hoomin servant to start watching The Doctor. We think she’s convinced . . . which is good because she’s been away from home WAY too long lately after a nice quiet spring home with us. We mean, she created a standard, can’t she keep up with it?

    (ed. comment: home a couple months following foot surgery, now back to work, and therapy . . . leaves the cats alone a lot!)

    Congrats on your special treatment of the torturer–he deserved every bit of it! I’m sure he’ll say “It happens a lot” and we say “For good reason!”

  7. Sterling says:

    Hey Mr Max, it’s me Sterling. I am more than one year old now so why do the hoomins still call me Sterling BabyCat? Why does Ant Nora never make me in charge when she goes out? It’s always my woofy sisfur or Cousin Murphy or the Mama Fluff lady cat. And why is there two other cats who live outsides with the horses??

  8. supie20 says:

    Hi Max, I’m Spider and Gracie’s Food Lady, and I’m sad to report that Spider crossed the rainbow bridge May 6. She would have been 20 years old on June 27.

    Gracie and I miss her beyond words. She was such an amazing little weirdo and possibly the only carbon-based life form (outside my own mother) to adore me totally. She refused to let me out of her sight, generally standing next to me in the kitchen with her tail wrapped around my leg or purring like Harley-Davidson or sacking out in my lap with legs and paws going in every possible position. She saved me from an apartment fire (another story for another day). She could reach me in the midst of clinical depression (an even more complicated story). Loyalty doesn’t even begin to describe it. Dogs had nothing on her.

    So obviously, she’s a hard act to follow, and no kitteh would ever replace her. I have the gorgeous company of The Aby-Tabby, The (silly) Goosie, The Tuffy, Gracie, who is Thee Best cuddlebug and comedienne. She and I are totes tight and she sleeps in my armpit every night and monitors my bathroom habits for science. She also is a world-class frolicker and shelf-spelunker and mousie-fetcher. But she’s got no one to talk to or play with all day. She seems a bit quiet and sad. Of course, I only want the best for her. When I brought her into my house, I did an abysmal job of introducing her to Spider. Like bad. Like, let’s never speak of it again. I know a lot more now, but do I really?

    Lately, I’ve been spending time with the kittehs at the local shelter, bringing them foods in exchange for pets and I’m getting the hard sell.

    Soooo, as a cat, do you think I should be on the lookout for another kitteh soon or give it a lot more time? I know you’re going to say it depends on how Gracie and I feel, but I’m more worried about Lil G. I mean, I want her to have a buddy, but I don’t want to make two kittehs unhappy.

    What do you think? Thanks so much!

    Jana, Gracie and Spider’s Humom

    • supie20 says:

      P.S. Another note: Spider regarded Gracie much as you do Buddah, a begrudging buddy (that was my fault). But Gracie thought Spider hung the moon. Squee!

  9. You sure look as if you enjoyed your meowijuana. x

  10. Ringo says:

    Hey Max, how long duz it take for thoze stoopid kittens not to be stoopid anymore?

  11. TRIPPER says:

    DOOD. WTG DROPPIN A STEAMER ON THE BLOOD STEELING DOOD. HOW DO YOO GIT GOOD BOWEL KUNTROL LIKE THAT? THE BEST I CAN DO IS KRAP IN THE PTU ON THE WAY HOME BUT I WOOD LOVE TO DROP A DEUCE ON TOP OF THE STABBY GUY.

  12. Stake will likely be returned if match ends in a draw.

  13. Limitless free plays day by day. No purchase necessary
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