Ask Max Monday: Yer A Kitty Clock, Lily…

Ask Max Monday

Hey Max,
After mama read the mice flavored cat food it got me thinking. A lot of out door cats eat birdies. How come there’s not more cat food that’s birdie flavored? I’m not talking chickens, turkeys or ducks. I’m talking pigeon, finches, sparrows, robins, etc? My stalker Peeping Tom that’s his main diet and that’s what he’s left as gifts for me(not that mama went out to bring them in for me. She scooped them up and tossed them into the field. She said the foxes, coyotes and opossums would enjoy them. I know human servants are weird, it was for me but whatever)
How come you don’t puff up and hiss, spit or growl at Budda if he’s such a nightmare? That’s what I do to any other kitty or dog that tries to encroach on my personal space! I won’t tolerate sharing my mama(human servant) with any others. Just wondering.

Your da dood Max!

Puddzee Pye

I think it would be too costly to hunt as many birds as it would take to fill a can. I mean, they look big, but once you get under all the feathers and account for the bones, there’s not a lot of meat. And it would also make people really sad. They enjoy birds, listening to them sing and watching them fly through the air. It’s also super funny when a bird poops on someone else. If we started getting canned bird, there might not be enough of them around to keep our people amused. And we need them amused, otherwise they’ll just pester us even more than they already do.

And I do hiss and growl at Buddah, but he doesn’t care. He’s not bright enough to figure out what that means, I think. Come to think of it, I don’t think HE’S ever hissed or growled. He just wails like a baby with a wet diaper…and then bites.

Hi! Max! This is a Holiday Monday called Remembers Memories Day when we honor all the Cat Friends who have gone on beffurrs to The Rainbow Bridge! My question is– do you know what Stomatosis is?

It sounds like an upset stomach!

Buts Mom says “NO” its a Mouth illness!So, Oh “Curious Max of the Many Answers,” what is Stomatosis?

I wonder if you get this illness if your mouth eats too much people food? Or I hopes I cannot catch this Stomatosis from Jack?

Why? It is because Jack and I both love to drinks from the Peoples dripping Bathtub drain?

I am worried about Jack the only male Ginger Cat!

He was a super small pest about 3 years ago! Well now he is a huge Pest but having some dried Blood around his Mouth and Mom just found a tiny tag of extra lower Right Mouth Skin too!

Oh Curious Max of Many Answers, Do you know what Stomatosis is? Mom thinks Jack has that!

It’s not that I like him as he is a Pest!

But I still do not want him to be sick and have to go to the Stabby Guy! Mom is gonna take him to the Stabby Guy! So Tell me what Stomatosis is??Jack is sore afraid the Stabby Guy might remove take a look inside his Mouth all the way down to his Stomach!

I hopes he comes back well! Mom diagnoses me! But often Mom treats me! Recently I had to go to the Stabby Female Vet! I was found to have Feline Lupus but it was not that, it was an Allergy! Remembers? I am Well Now! I helped Kill a mousie yesterdays!

Oh Max what is this awful Stomatosis?? Do you knows??? I promised Jack I would ask you!

Ok. I’m not a doctor and I only played one that one time in the back room of a different house we lived at, but…

Stomatosis is, they think (the people who know more than I do), an autoimmune response to tooth plaque. It causes inflammation that can get past the teeth and into all the tissues in the mouth, even down to bone, and it’s super painful. Because it hurts, kitties with it are reluctant to eat and drink, which leads to all kinds of problems.

If it’s caught early enough, it can be treated with dedicated dental care, but if it’s advanced the only real treatment (that I know of) is to get all the teeth pulled. No teeth = no tooth plaque = no pain = a kitty eating again. Lots of kitties do just fine without teeth and they look really cute when they grin.

Hopefully Jack just needs a good teeth cleaning and at-home brushing, but if not…it sucks to go through it, but life without teeth is totally doable. AND the tooth fairy will bring him some cold, hard cash that he can use on nip or steak or dentures.

Hey Max!

When Buddah is so mean to you does the woman go after him and make him stop? After all, you are getting a little long in the tooth and ought to be respected. When one of us is mean to another one of us (Lady Charlotte you know who you are), the man chases her away. The woman hollers at her. Charlotte gets lots of personal love and petting just like us. We do not understand why she gets in our faces. Buddha should learn to leave you alone. Don’t you ever swat him back?

With respect to you,
Linnet and Chaucer

When Buddah gets his asterisk in a bunch and goes after me, the Woman gets SUPER ticked off and chases him away while wagging her pointy finger at him and she yells at him to stop being such a…Richard. I used to try to swat him back, but it has no effect on him, so now I just scream as loud as I can to get a person to come help me, and then I pee. A lot. If he’s going to hurt me then I want to leave a puddle of pee for him to fall into.

When he looks like he’s going to chase me I give him warning growls, but he doesn’t care. He just does what he does. If I’m lucky and a person is in the room they stop him and get between us, but a lot of the time they’re in another room or not home. They’re not happy about it and don’t understand it. He gets a lot of attention and affection, and it seems to come out of nowhere. They do think he’s a special kitty, and that he’s just not wired quite right.

Dear Max-a-million,
        I think I have a gift, but I don’t know how I got it. I know time. Like I wake my mom up a half hour before her alarm goes off, every time she sets one. What I don’t get is she doesn’t seem to appreciate my gift. She usually says a not so nice word and shoves me off the bed! Also, nearly every night, at 9:30 pm, or there about, I wail my head off so my mom will come in my room and pet my head and hold me and tell me what a beautiful cat I am. Apparently, this coincides with her favorite news program that comes on at 9 pm. She isn’t appreciative of my gift then either. What gives? You would think she would praise me for my abilities. I also meow very loudly when I need food, water or my litter is dirty. After all, I have my standards. Love you Max, keep up the good work. Lily from Michigan

Clearly, your Mom needs to adjust her schedule to meet your innate relationship with time. If she doesn’t want you to wake her up before her alarm goes off, then she needs to set her alarm a half hour earlier so that the moment you wake her coincides with the moment her alarm goes off. That would be a total win, I think.

And really…she knows she needs to come in and tell you you’re beautiful, so perhaps she should be advised to go to you pre-emptively and do it before her news program comes on. This is one of those things you should have to ask for. Every kitty needs to know that they are appreciated, so the least a person could do is tell them at precise moments throughout the day.

I feel for you, I really do. But our people are only human, and can only be taught so much.

Our fuzzybutts were snarfing everything in sight over the winter. Now that it’s warmed up (into the 90s!!) they’re ignoring their tasty moist chow, and I’m worried. I even added a small can of the really expensive stuff with the cute label and spiffy name (I know, no cat ever cared about those things, but we’re people, so…).

Anyway, breakfast, lunch and dinner just sit in the bowls and dry out, while our guys sprawl over the furniture and play dead all day. We even have air conditioning,  but they prefer to sunbathe and cook themselves. And refuse to eat (although the occasional nibble isn’t out of the question). The vanilla custard, a real chow-of-choice before it got hot, is also being ignored.

Max, they’re starving! At least, I think they’re starving. What is a concerned human cat-parent to do? Two of our guys are old (14 and 18) but even “the kid” (age 8) is turning up his pink nose at the same stuff he couldn’t get enough of last month.

Suggestions?

The two-leggers from the upper Midwest

Clearly, you aren’t offering up enough choices. If they don’t like the first offering, open another can. And then another. Sooner or later you’ll hit upon the one they really want.

If you’re really worried, do what the Woman does with me. When she’s worried I’m not eating enough, she weighs me. If my weight is pretty steady she doesn’t worry about it as long as I’m also drinking. But if it goes on long enough, and they truly are not eating at all, they might need to see the stabby person to make sure they haven’t passed some cooties along amongst them.

Chances are it’s a change of season thing (I’m not eating as much right now, either, though you can bet I’m asking for food 5 times a day) and they’re not burning as many calories because they’re too busy sunbathing to move. But try to get them on the scale and see how their individual weights are doing (if you can. I’ll sit on the scale nicely, but Buddah will bite the Woman) and if they stay steady and are also drinking, they’re probably just being picky summertime kitties.

MAX THE LITTLES ARE HOME ***ALL DAY LONG*** NOW AND I AM GOING TO LOSE MY #&@^&(! MIND. WHAT DO?

Find a good closet and hide, dood. Hide for the next 2.5 months. Come out only for meals, snacks, the litterbox, and Doctor Who if someone happens to be watching it. And maybe for House Hunters. It’s fun to yell at the people because they never pick the house they should.

Seriously. Never.

YOU HAVE 8 KIDS AND A DOG, KAREN, THAT LOG CABIN BY THE RIVER ISN’T A GREAT IDEA.

They never listen to me.

Got a question for me?
You can leave it in the comments below,
or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

You can also find me on Facebook.

 

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Max, once again, the purveyor of good cat sense!
    Here’s a question for you:
    How can I tell Manny and Chili Bruce apart, now that CB lost his one white whisker. They are both black cats! Sure, CB’s tailio is a bit poofier, and Manny’s tummy white spot is bigger, but these things are not easily apparent. We could put collars on them, and give one of them a touch of color on an ear…but why should the kitties suffer because their humans aren’t perceptive enough? Suggestions, Max?

  2. OzAndSamsMom says:

    Dear Max: Every night shortly after I go to bed, Sammi begins to sing the song of her people from downstairs. Then she runs upstairs and delivers a toy to the bed. I don’t charge admission for her to sleep with me, so I’m not sure why she’s doing this. Any ideas?

Leave a Reply

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers