Ask Max Monday: Yes, I Missed Last Week

Ask Max Monday

I know, I know, there was no Ask Max Monday last Monday, but I have a pretty good reason and it involves nausea and not wanting to eat and an ouchy case of the Hershey Squirts…which I caught from BUDDAH. He got over it in a couple days. Me, not so much.

There was a certain irony in getting sick right after talking about the Bridge, but luckily I didn’t get that sick, though it certainly crossed the peoples’ minds, given that I’m 18 now.

So, instead of answering questions last week, I was busy feeling like Krap, and it got me a trip to the stabby place where I was STABBED more than once and had my blood stolen, and stuff shoved down my throat. Also, I peed all over the otherwise-nice lady who yanked me out of my PTU when she said it was time to see how much I weighed.

Well, I knew how much I weighed and didn’t need to see that again (I’m down to 12.5 pounds, which has held steady more or less for the last year, so go me!) and I needed to go anyway, so…yeah, she got the brunt of my bladder cutting loose.

This did not make the stabby lady happy, because she wasn’t there to hold her hands under me and catch my pee. And for some reason, she wanted it. Like, buy me dinner and warn me ahead of time lady, and I’ll pee all you want. If I’d known, I might have held back a little.

Whatever floats her boat.

In any case, I feel much better and have celebrated a few solid poops, and I’m eating again. The Woman says it’s because the stabby person loaded me with fluids, nausea meds, and an appetite stimulant, but, whatever. All I know is that for a couple of glorious post-sick days, I got to eat any time I wanted, a can was opened every time I asked, and I felt like a freaking KING.

= = =

Max I went to the theater today with my parents. They’re horrible audience members but they buy the tickets. Can I punch them in the throats the next time they try to talk to me during a show?

You can but I don’t recommend it. First, they’ll just wheeze loudly through the rest of the show, and then they’ll never buy tickets again. So basically, you can either go and see a show, or never go on their dime again. Choose wisely.

 = = =

Max, what would you do if you didn’t have a blog, or if you were, heaven forbid, a human? OK so maybe being a human isn’t so bad, but they do have a lot of issues and hang ups and not just in the closet department.
Lots of purrs

I dunno. If I were human I don’t think I’d need a blog, because I’d have opposable thumbs and could drive places to find other people to tell them what I think. I wouldn’t worry about closet things since I wouldn’t hide in one…which is a plus for being a cat because you can hide in the closet and it doesn’t mean anything than there’s a pile a towels to curl upon.

I suppose if I didn’t have a blog now, I’d have been a very bored kitty. I mean, how else would I tell everyone that they’re wrong? HOW WOULD THEY KNOW?

I suppose it’s a good thing I have one.

= = =

Got a question for me?

You can leave it in the comments below,

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. KesterGayle says:

    Glad you’re doing better, you handsome devil! Sick is ick, and at your age you can pee on whoever you want. I know I do!

  2. Good job of peeing on that lady, Max! Next time, try putting the bitey on her, or any other human that mistreats you in this manner.

  3. Caspar says:

    Hey Max, my life is ruined. They added a kitten to the household and it’s really ticked me off. He’s always in my grill. The peeple took him to the stabby place to get fixed, but when he got home he was the same old irritating kitten–his irritatingness had obviously not been fixed. Can I move in with you?


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