Ask Max Monday: You’re Not Gonna Like My Answer…

Ask Max Monday

Max/Buddah, I seriously need advice! I have two beautiful kitties, Angie (a senior) and Barney (just over a year old) who have a huge amount of toys. Barney, however, wants to play with poop. We clean the litter boxes daily and yet he’ll find a piece of poop, dig it out and bat it around. Just yesterday, my mom stepped in it and walked all over the house until we discovered the poop on her slipper and we had to clean floors and carpets! How do I discourage Barney from playing with poop? And WHY does he play with poop??

Well, why not? If it’s the right consistency, it rolls and slide easily and is like a self-made hockey puck. And if you lose it under the fridge or sofa, you can just make another one. I think the real issue is why SHE doesn’t watch where she stepping, because she destroyed his favorite toy, and that’s just mean.

And it could be worse. Hank the Dog used to EAT his own poop, and then throw it up later. Usually by the bed. At 2 in the morning. It was both super disturbing and wonderfully glorious, watching the Woman hack and dry heave as she cleaned it up.

Buddah!!!! Dood!!!! Have you ever considered giving up caffeine? Or duz Max charge you for evry period you use when you’re writing?

Can you believe he doesn’t need caffeine to talk like that? I really figured he would outgrow it, but no. When he gets on a roll he just will.not.stop. Maybe if I offer to pay him for full stops, he’ll at least pause long enough to take a breath.

OTOH, if I let him go on and on, he might pass out and then I’ll have peace and quiet for a while.

Hay Buddah! I love to get sum tips frum you on the most annoyingest things we could do to tweek the old cats we live with. I’m running out of ideas.

I really don’t want him pondering what else he can do to me. He STILL tries to ride me like a pony, and lately has been shoving his cold, wet nose up my asterisk. And he’ll sit really close and just STARE at me. Like, wtf, dood, are you high? I have to growl or hiss to get him to back off.

Totally not asking him to think up new things to annoy me with that he can share.


Max, I live with a man who is not my partner, but a good friend.  We both like cats.  I have has many in my life, (mostly high maintenance siamese goddesses…lol..) him not so much…he lived with a woman with two cats and got to really know and enjoy them, so why does he say I cant have one?  There are so many who need furever homes, and I long to give at least one of them my undivided attention, lots of stinky canned goodness, and two hands willing to scoop and clean litter regularly, plus a lap that misses furry, soft, sweet, purrsonalities….I would be responsible for all costs, its vet care etc., how do I convince him that something adorable, sweet, and purry would only add to our senior lives (and yes, I think taking a senior cat who owner passed on would be major for both the cat and us)  Help me out here Max, how do I convince a stubborn male who thinks he is right about everything?  Thanks for your help!

Some people know when they’re done being responsible for furry friends in their lives. Even if you pay for everything and do all the work, it’s still an emotional responsibility that he might truly not want. I’m honestly not a fan of trying to talk someone into a lengthy duty of care, not when they’ve made it clear it’s not what they want.

Having a cat means being tied down, to a degree. No spontaneous outings that keep you away from home for a few days at a time. Pets have to be fed in a reasonable time frame, cleaned up after every single day, they get hair everywhere…and that’s not everyone’s cup o’tea.

Overall, I think that people who don’t want pets shouldn’t have them, and those who do need to find other ways to fulfill that when it’s not possible to have them at home. Volunteer at shelters. Seek out cat cafes. Cat sit. There are all kinds of ways to help cats in need that don’t require bringing them home.

And I realize this will be an unpopular answer, but… I know he’s not your spouse thingy, but he lives there. Have a grownup talk and find out how opposed to a cat he is and work from there. Maybe he only sort of doesn’t want one, maybe he really needs to not have one. But convincing him isn’t the answer. Earnest discussion is.

Max, do you read a lot? What’s your favorite kind of thing to read? Do you read print books or Kindle books? Do you ever listen to audio books? I’m home sick and I’m bored and need something that’s not homework stuff to read.

Dood. There are so many good books out there. And hells yeah, I read a lot. I like science fiction the most because it’s full of possibility and parallels current events without, like, beating anyone over the head with it. I also like mainstream fiction and really well written memoirs.

Mostly, I read on a tablet with a Kindle app. It’s just easier because you can put a million books on one, and if you’re tired you can make the type bigger. The Woman sometimes listens to audiobooks when she’s on one of the dammit machines, but mostly we both read on Kindle stuff.

If you want to get into some good stuff, check out John Scalzi. He’s a really good contemporary sci-fi writer; I got into his Old Man’s War series, and Lock In is really good. Neil Gaiman is another writer you might want to check out…read Good Omens before the series comes out!

There are lots of awesome things to read, but if I were stuck with nothing else to do, I’d grab Old Man’s War or Lock In, and enjoy being stuck.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Max, you are seriously on your game today! And if there is a cat in the house, it’s up to all inhabitants to join in, so if that guy doesn’t want to, then it’s best not to push. I LURV Neil Gaiman, and just discovered him by accident when I downloaded the audiobook, “The Ocean At The End Of The Lane”. I grew up on Ray Bradbury and John Christopher books. Your book “The Emperor of San Francisco” is sitting on my bed table, ready to be read, and I’ll do it soon, I promise!

  2. KesterGayle says:

    On the other hand, if you don’t enjoy sci-fi, I have a few suggestions.

    Sally Field just published an excellent memoir, called In Pieces. It deals with her growing up years and young adulthood in particular. If you enjoy WWII books, there is a wonderful memoir by Bert Lewyn titled On the Run in Nazi Berlin. He was a Jew who managed to survive the war by going into hiding. He was 19 when his parents were taken, which is where the story starts. A very powerful book.

    If you like romance, I suggest Wanderlust by Lauren Blakely. It has sexual content, but the Audible version in particular is a delight. If you want funny romance, try Hosed by Pippa Grant and Lilli Valente. Again, sexual content, but hilarious. If you want historical romance, anything by Loretta Chase (especially her Carrington Brothers series) or Lisa Kleypas (especially her Wallflowers series) are great places to get started with that.

    If you like paranormal, Kelley Armstrong’s Otherworld series is outstanding. Another paranormal book I loved was Mr Nortel and Jonathan Strange by Susanna Clarke.

    If you like cop stories, John Sandford’s Prey series is wonderful. If you like PI stories try Lawrence Block’s Matthew Scudder series. Really, anything by Block is worth reading.

    And of course there is Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series. Many people assume these are romance stories, but they are truly more easily classified as adventure tales. There is a strong love story that is the foundation, but they don’t fit into the romance genre at all. Happy reading!

  3. ERin says:

    Really sound advise there, Max, about humans and felines. I think it would be better to vet out the ones that do not like before the whole other courtship starts that way avoids disappointment and bills 😉
    Great that you like sci-fi, though I would expect no less given your penchant for Dr Who. Good Omens is such an awesome choice and blindingly good story that had me flying by the seat of my fluffy pants at one point. The TV series with David Tennant & Michael Sheen in star roles is set to air on Amazon on 31 May 2019 What could be better for Dr Who fans?


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