Ask Max Monday: Zooooom

Ask Max Monday

Max, the only reason any cat would need a bath is if they’ve got something gross stuck to their fur, or they need flea shampoo. Any other reason is just wrong…right?

I can’t think of any reason other than torture, and that’s just mean. I’m not even sure why people like baths for themselves. They just sit there. In water. THEY BECOME PEOPLE SOUP. It’s gross and disgusting and I’m giving myself the shivers just thinking about it.

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Max, how did you skore that sweet job as an intern in yer ma’s office? I’d like to kuntriboryoot, but my ma keeps pushing me away or lokking her door win she goze ZOOM. And why iz it called ZOOM if she’s just sitting her butt in a chare and not zooming anywhere?

Me, an intern? I am the boss! The Cat In Charge! The Woman is my minion, and Buddah is the intern. He’s not a very good intern, either. Mostly all he does is sleep on the desk and knocks pens to the floor.

I don’t even know what ZOOM is. I mean, it used to be a kids’ program on PBS back when life was in black & white, but I hear people talking about it all the freaking time now. Maybe your ma is locking you out of the room because she doesn’t want you to know she watching a 45 year old show that starts off with “I’m gonna zoom, zoom zoom zoom zoom…come on and zooma zooma zooma zoom.”

I’d be embarrassed, too.

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Hi Hi Max , our very wise kitty leader

Itz your Canuck Fans Oakley and Sugar

wez wanted to say wez shared yours wise words on a local FB page regarding how to talk to younger kids about isolating.

 Yourz iz sew rite, to de younger ones “social distancing” means one thing and another to us. Wez tink Physical distancing, tho not as “cute” as socail, doesn’t actually mean what it should to de young ones.  Hoomanz sud stay away from each other..be a cat..stay in , your can walk iffin youse do it safely and away from others, but bez a cat an stay in where itz safe. 

wez hope it was okay to share your message to hoomanz dat iz taking care of de younger hoomanz..dey can still be “social” via Facebook or what efur de young onez iz doing dez days , dey can still “talk” to dere furends just not in de person.

Wez also wantz to tank all de Veterianaians who is considered essential service and iz dere fur de furry family members. wez iz sure itz stressfur to dem an dere staff as dey haz family too, .a big shout out to dem all. 

Wez lucky our hoomanz is semie retired, dey was just doing de school crossing guards to add to dere govement benifis and dey miss de kidz an dere purrents but wez will getz by, as dey will just budget a little  more and dey iz tinking of those with more stress of taking care of dere familes..wez iz “blessed” and wez know it.

Wez hope youse an yourz hoomaz be safe an take gud kare of yourselves

Oakley an Sugar

Life here is good…though I wish the people would go outside and play because MAX NEEDS HIS PEACE AND QUIET AND HE IS NOT GETTING IT. He is getting “oooh who’s a good kitty, who’s a kissy wisshy kitty num num num” and it is HUMILIATING.

On the upside, I’m getting fed a lot, so I got that going for me…

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Dear Max, a few weeks ago, we lost our fish, Little Frank. We do not know what happened. This was our last pet that we were going to have. I was told he would from 2-4 yrs. The only pets we have now are my sister’s cats Stanley and Stella. It will be a little weird after all these years having at least 1 cat. Do you have any advice for someone who has pets for a long time and will no longer have any?

Fish are pretty fragile creatures. Everything has to be *just so* and even then sometimes their life span is not what was expected. The Man had fish tanks for over thirty years and he knew what he was doing, and even he lost fish he didn’t expect to. I know it sucks. You just don’t really know how old the fish you’re getting is, or their environment before you got them…so many things out of your control.

I’m not sure why Frank has to be your last pet, though. It can take time to work through the grieving process when you lose a pet, but if you leave yourself open to the possibility that one day you’ll find another to love, it can ease the sting somewhat. Not like you’ll replace them, but that they’re proof that the joy of having a pet is worth the pain of understanding their lives are shorter.

But…sometimes you know. The People are pretty sure that Buddah and I will be their last pets. But they’re also older and are looking at how much longer they’ll likely live compared to the life expectancy of a cat or dog. And they’re okay with the idea that we might be the last. They’ll miss us like crazy, but they’ll also have the freedom to go places and do things they just can’t because we’re at home and need them.

Take some time to be upset about Frank, and then look for everything else that’s good in your life. I bet there’s a lot there.

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Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (2)

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  1. Oh wise Max, I am sorry for the folks who lost their fish.
    They can always volunteer at a pet rescue or cat cafe, just to have animals around for them to enjoy…just not take home.

  2. messymimi says:

    Of course you are the cat in charge, Max, and zoom has gotten annoying what with only working sometimes.

    Loved the kid show by that name, would watch it again if i had time.

    Oh, and Enigma SissyCat wants you to know the evil dog went to be dog-sat by another person. She’s happy now, she can go back to just fighting with the other cats in the house.

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