Author Archive: Maobert

Mao is a cranky 16-year-old Siamese who enjoys braying like a donkey, shaking for treats and peeing on stuff -- not necessarily in that order.

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Bacon Cat Treats and Other Delights
[ 3 ] February 26, 2013 |

Bacon Cat Treats and Other Delights

My Food Lady came bak frum Florida this week loded with cat treets, and I have tride evry singul one. If yer reely into pork, I have good nooz for you.     Friskies Party Mix has just rolled out two new flavors: Maui Luau and Morning Munch Crunch, and they’re flavored with PORK. Yes, […]

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Public Service Message for Cats from Mao (VIDEO)
[ 3 ] December 14, 2012 |

Public Service Message for Cats from Mao (VIDEO)

Hello, my frends. I made the video above as a public service messidge for cats arownd the werld — it’s espeshully relevunt during the holiday seezin. Pleeze take it to hart and way in with yer thots on the matter. (Pleeze do not let yer peeple know whut I’m saying in this importunt messidge.) Thank […]

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I Could Pee on This is a Purrfect Catsmass Gift
[ 6 ] December 9, 2012 |

I Could Pee on This is a Purrfect Catsmass Gift

Hello, my frends. I am heer today to make a holiday gift rekumendation to you — or just a good book to reed on yer own and git sum good ideas. It’s called I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats and boy, is it ever good. As you may or mayn’t know, […]

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Why Dogs Drool, Cats Rule
[ 3 ] September 14, 2012 |

Why Dogs Drool, Cats Rule

Thare’s a reezin that cats have NO competishun frum dogs when it comes to the qwest for werld dominayshun, and that reezin is DOGS R STOOPID as evidensed by the foto above. Cats rule, dogs drool. THE END.

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Meezix Meditations
[ 4 ] September 10, 2012 |

Meezix Meditations

“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” — Mick Jagger & Keith Richards Skeezix: Why are we doing meditations this week insted of Chey and Ichi? Mao: I think Chey is away gitting Liposukshun on her big booty. Skeezix: So what […]

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Ask Mao Monday
[ 7 ] September 10, 2012 |

Ask Mao Monday

  Dood, ware’s Max?Max is at home wating for his woman to git her bupkiss in geer and help him tipe. She was wisked off by a pink Tardis this weekend whilst waring a lowd pare of pink patternd tites and big fake boobs. We assoom she has bin committed to the funny farm. Max […]

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Ask Mao Monday
[ 10 ] July 9, 2012 |

Ask Mao Monday

All the snark, just not as funny. Life Coach Max Thompson’s column will not appear this week. His typist had the bad manners to bail on him due to illness and he was not able to grow opposable thumbs in time to get the column out. In the meantime, please send the typist your regards […]

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MEOWvelous Movies: Sheepherding Bunny
[ 1 ] June 8, 2012 |

MEOWvelous Movies: Sheepherding Bunny

Hay everycat this is Mao with this week’s moovey rekumendation. It’s hard to peel me away frum Sqwerls and Birds, my all-time favorite moovey, but this one comes close and yer peeple will like it too I garuntee it. It is all about a bunny named Figaro herding sheeps! It is vary funny, thare’s lots […]

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Kittehs: R U Bored? Cat Boredom (CB) <i>IS </i>Treatable!
[ 2 ] May 15, 2012 |

Kittehs: R U Bored? Cat Boredom (CB) IS Treatable!

Let’s face it. Most of you kittehs only reed Mousebreath cuz yer bord and thare’s only so much nappin’ you can do during the day. If you think yer afflikted with CB (Cat Boredom), help is on the way… of korse, YOO have to take that ferst step. In this PSA, lern the simtums of […]

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Meowvelous Movies: An Unlikely Choice
[ 1 ] April 20, 2012 |

Meowvelous Movies: An Unlikely Choice

I didn’t think I would like this movie cuz it has two of my unfavoritest things in the werld in it: dogs and babies. Yuck. But boy, is it ever a grate movie! There’s lots of akshun. The stoopid dog runs and runs and runs and runs in sercles playing with that little blerpy thing. […]

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Meowvelous Movies: The Fishy Movie
[ 2 ] April 13, 2012 |

Meowvelous Movies: The Fishy Movie

Hi everycat. Today I’m going to review a movie that I’ve watched abowt a squillion times this week. All my life I’ve bin begging my lady to git me a fish tank. It wood solve a lot of problims. Like she woodn’t have to open cans of stinky goodness so offin and I woodn’t be […]

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Mao Reviews Birds & Squirrels on a Stone Wall
[ 3 ] April 6, 2012 |

Mao Reviews Birds & Squirrels on a Stone Wall

Skeezix wuz in New York so this week I’m reviewing a Meowvelous Movie without him butting his hed in. You know how much I luv berds and sqwerls. This week I have an entire 10-part seereez of bird and sqwerl mooveez that will nok yer pants off. It’s called Birds/Squirrels on a Stone Wall. Now […]

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iPad Cat Game Review: Friskies’ You vs. Cat
[ 0 ] March 23, 2012 |

iPad Cat Game Review: Friskies’ You vs. Cat

MAO: Kittehs, if yer looking for a way to have fun this weekend, check out the new iPad game by Friskies, You vs. Cat. SKEEZIX: Mao, you hogged the hole game. I could hardly git a paw in. MAO: Yer lame. Time to man up. This is a game that yoo can play with yer […]

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Meowvelous Movies: Penguin Cam
[ 3 ] March 16, 2012 |

Meowvelous Movies: Penguin Cam

Welcome to this week’s edishun of Meowvelous Movies, the movie review for cats. This week, we’re reviewing Penguin Cam, a streaming feed of hot — I mean, cold — penguin action. SKEEZIX: Are pengwinz fish or berds? MAO: That’s a good qweschun. I’d have to smell one to be shur. They walk on the grownd. […]

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MEOWvelous Movies: Game for Cats
[ 1 ] March 9, 2012 |

MEOWvelous Movies: Game for Cats

I watch this moovie evry singul day. The man (hoo makes the pikchers start on the skreen) sez it’s my warm-up movie. It is called “Game for Cats” and it’s made by Hiccup and it is GRATE! You can git it for the iPad on iToonz. It has BOTH the red dot game and a […]

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Chickens ARE NOT Thanksgiving Turkeys!
[ 3 ] November 23, 2011 |

Chickens ARE NOT Thanksgiving Turkeys!

This is a cawtionary tale for all you poor cats out thare (like me) hooz stoopid peeple think it’s funny to dress you up for holidays like Thanksgiving. If yer peeple are REELY stoopid, they mite try to dress you up like a Thanksgiving Turkey in a CHIKKIN costume!!!! Now this is rong on so […]

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