Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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Ask Max Monday: 19

Ask Max Monday: 19

Hi Max, Two years after (almost to the day) our dearest Spider crossed the rainbow bridge, she sent Gracie and me a new friend. It’s a boy, a middle-aged meezer dude! His origin story is as fuzzy as his toe bean sprouts and apparently he’s recovering from his years on the streets (after some help […]

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Ask Max Monday: No, Not Everyone Needs a Pet…

Ask Max Monday: No, Not Everyone Needs a Pet…

It’s almost Taco Tuesday. What kind of tacos should I order? Taco Bell ones give me the [redacted] TOONA You should get TOONA TOONA TACO TUESDAY You’re welcome. = = = I was reading “Purrfect Advice” by Nic Saint, and saw this: “Well, we could start a column with pets writing in and asking questions, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Who, Me? Make Fun of Someone?

Ask Max Monday: Who, Me? Make Fun of Someone?

Great answers, you are most certainly worth steak. Any advice for how to get a cat used to drinking out of a fountain instead of the sink? Hm. I’ve always preferred a fountain so it just kinda happened. If there’s room, maybe start with the fountain near the preferred sink, and when the cat tries […]

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Ask Max Monday: Quarantine Day #8,265

Ask Max Monday: Quarantine Day #8,265

Hi Max! I don’t know what to do about the kitty that lives outside the window. I used to be a feral but now I am an inside girl. There is another kitty that is feral but she does not want to be inside. But Max, that is good because I do not like her! […]

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Ask Max Monday: Week in Review

Ask Max Monday: Week in Review

All right, doods, I hope you’re all doing well and your people aren’t driving you six kinds of nuts while they’re staying at home interrupting all your naps. I’ve had it pretty easy; the Woman has always worked from home and the only thing that really changed is that she can’t take breaks to go […]

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Ask Max Monday: Zooooom

Ask Max Monday: Zooooom

Max, the only reason any cat would need a bath is if they’ve got something gross stuck to their fur, or they need flea shampoo. Any other reason is just wrong…right? I can’t think of any reason other than torture, and that’s just mean. I’m not even sure why people like baths for themselves. They […]

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Ask Max Monday: There’s gonna be a hairball…

Ask Max Monday: There’s gonna be a hairball…

What will you be doing to entertain the troops during this undoubted crisis of humanity, and B (not that there was an A) To spot the humans being OVER attentive with the grubby paws – well overly sterilised paws. OK there is a third. C) How does one stop a human from trying to bathe […]

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Ask Max Monday: Delay of the Glowing Kitty

Ask Max Monday: Delay of the Glowing Kitty

So nice of you to offer your books for free. Max. My human already has them all, I’ve read them on her tablet thing. I don’t like this pandemic thing. The human has to stay home now, so I have to snoopervise to make sure she actually does some work. It’s exhausting! The stabby place […]

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Ask Max Monday: There’s No Place Like Home

Ask Max Monday: There’s No Place Like Home

Dear Wise Max, My name is Sonny, but my mama calls me Muffin, or Fluffyfloofkins (why does she do this? I mean I am quite fluffy and must say very handsome, but sheesh a cat requires dignity) I am almost 13 and have two pain in the *asterick* sisters, Little Miss Sapphire and Temperance Sweets […]

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Ask Max Monday: I Am a Raggedy Man…

Ask Max Monday: I Am a Raggedy Man…

O Wise Max, This is Dot and I have suffered an indignity…momma gave me a bath. Like you, I’m an oldster (I turn twenty in a few weeks). Momma said I wasn’t smelling “fresh” even though my many white parts looked clean. Well, duh, I must be cleaning myself…but no…she says that’s an indication of […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY WINDOW SEASONS!

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY WINDOW SEASONS!

Max! A STAINLESS STEEL litter box?!? How did we miss this development? What does it look like? And where can we get one (or four)? (s) Belle, Romulus, Rosalyn and Harrison Seriously, they make stainless steel litter boxes. And it looks like, surprise, a little box! We got ours at Amazon  but it might not […]

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Ask Max Monday: Don’t Bite The Tail

Ask Max Monday: Don’t Bite The Tail

Max,  The human has a blankie that is sometimes very warm. Like, if you could sit in the fireplace without setting your asterisk on fire warm.  But then sometimes, it’s just regular blanket temperature. I sit on it anyway, thinking it’s gonna be all warm, but then I realize it’s not and I go on […]

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Ask Max Monday: Dood. What Is It?

Ask Max Monday: Dood. What Is It?

There was a discussion regarding the tiny white bowl placed in front of my mancat cubbie. There had never been a bowl there before, and while I was witness to its placement, Buddah was not, and he did his best to convince me that drinking from it would be a huge mistake. It could be […]

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Ask Max Monday: There is Love…

Ask Max Monday: There is Love…

Max, how will you be preparing for Valentines Day? If not you, will the staff be setting out their stall for each other or do they just, like, ignore and carry on regardless? What would your tips be for the best gifts a Cool Cat like yourself could get or give on this strange day….. […]

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Ask Max Monday: WINTER IS COMING…to an end

Ask Max Monday: WINTER IS COMING…to an end

Max, what are your thoughts about Sherlock Holmes? AC Doyle wrote his stories a long time ago, but since then, lots of writers continue to write about Holmes’s unique abilities to help solve crime (if the coppers will let him!) I wonder how many people believe he was a real, live human? Well, honestly, the […]

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Ask Max Monday: Super Awesome Week

Ask Max Monday: Super Awesome Week

Hi! Know what I’ve been doing all week? I’ll tell you. No. I’ll SHOW you. It’s been cold outside, so the Woman has turned the fireplace on for me A LOT this week. She says she thinks I sleep better when I’m in my mancat cave with the warms blowing around, so if I ask […]

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Ask Max Monday: Treat Yo’self

Ask Max Monday: Treat Yo’self

Dear Max. That festive occasion on the 25th (not Christmas, as we do not celebrate that) has come and gone, and I am a year older. I really ought to have made a new year resolution this year but can’t think of any to make besides the usual: eat more, chase mice, chase more mice, […]

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Ask Max Monday: RIDE ON, DOOD!

Ask Max Monday: RIDE ON, DOOD!

Dear Mr. Max,  My name is Max too!  My mom lady named me after you and so I have to make you proud!  Mr. Max, I am all of 3 months old and pretty tiny. I seem to drive ladies totally crazy and they just love to cuddle me. My question for you is this:  […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Doods! I hope you’ve had an awesome holiday season–and it’s  not over. We still have New Year’s Day, and this one will be a year filled with clarity and far vision, a good time to take stock and see what’s what. Look ahead and see the bigger picture–there’s not going to be another 2020, so […]

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Ask Max Monday: About Santa’s List…

Ask Max Monday: About Santa’s List…

You are, of course, right about life without cat hair all over being not what it’s cracked up to be. How many treats are enough? Just one more? Count out the treats and give them to the kitty one by one. When he throws up, there’s your answer. One less than that. = = = […]

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