Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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Ask Max Monday: Strolling Into the Holidays. Kinda.

Ask Max Monday: Strolling Into the Holidays. Kinda.

Deer Max Dood, I LOVE CATMAS!!!! I love the trees and ornamints, and stuff all ofur the table. I especially love it on the floor. Apparently mine mom is a GRINCH and HATES me and HATES catmas. She WILL NOT get a tree. Again. Because she complains that I break everything off the tree, rip […]

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Ask Max Monday: ‘Tis The Season!

Ask Max Monday: ‘Tis The Season!

Max —- HALP!!!! I overherd the peeps I live with talking about NOT gitting a Crissmiss tress acuz they are tired of sweeping up broken ornamints. If I promiss them not to brake any if they git the tree, well, whut’s the point of even having one? I dunno why they hafta be so pissy […]

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Ask Max Monday: I’m Back!

Ask Max Monday: I’m Back!

My hooman has lerned to unerstand and speak cat purty well but, most hoomans don’t pay attention to what we say.  That includes dog hoomans.  My neighbor is a dogsund that hates to be put outside and left alone or left in the house alone; he keeps trying to tell his hooman and drives me […]

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Ask Max Monday: DO I LOOK HAPPY???

Ask Max Monday: DO I LOOK HAPPY???

DO I? I am not. There is a suitcase on the bed and the Woman has been throwing things into it. Pink things. Shoes. A water bottle. Candy bars. I know what this means. It means that she’s getting ready to head off to walk for the boobies again, and this time she’s taking the […]

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Ask Max Monday: My Breakfast Was Late, Too…

Ask Max Monday: My Breakfast Was Late, Too…

Max, we have two friendly ferals outside, and I’d like to coax them inside. We’ve built a stairway to the 2nd floor balcony, and both cats use it. But, one cat doesn’t want to come in, and gets mad at the other cat if she does come in! Food (good, stinky stuff!), toys, love, warmth…none […]

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Ask Max Monday: This Is What You Get…

Ask Max Monday: This Is What You Get…

…when I get no questions. Me, staring into the abyss. Or it might have been the Woman’s whiskers bothering me, but still. Yeah, that’s probably it. Like, she’s not supposed to have any? But she’s well on her way to growing the Freshman Starter Goatee. It’s kinda disturbing. Got a question for me? You can […]

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Ask Max Monday: October Chill

Ask Max Monday: October Chill

Dear Max, my doggie minion, Bessie the Basset, has a weird fettish. She keeps rubbing herself up against my human’s leg most evenings! It is so-o rude & crude! Has she no decency? Has she no dignity, no self respect?! Does she not know that she is a female & a “fixed” old doggie to […]

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Ask Max Monday: Pucker Up

Ask Max Monday: Pucker Up

Max…. so we got a new addition. Only we think something may have broken in transport cause her head sits kind of funny. Mom says it is due to an ear infection the kitten had. We think we should sue the delivery company. What do you think? Random Felines Well, you could, I suppose. The […]

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Ask Max Monday: Sneaky Snacky Treats

Ask Max Monday: Sneaky Snacky Treats

Dear Mr. Max, I am Sterling and I am six months old. I got dopted from the shelter about a month ago by a nice lady. She gives me hugs and kisses (ick) and pets my cheeks just right. There is other cats here who are mostly OK one of them plays with me sometimes. […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Newby Addition

Ask Max Monday: The Newby Addition

How do you integrate a new cat into the household? We were adopted by a stray cat last weekend. Once we found out that none of the shelters would take in the stray, well, there was only one thing left to do, keep him. The vet thinks he is 5, and Knucks is 9 or […]

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Ask Max Monday: I Can’t Think of a Good Title This Time…

Ask Max Monday: I Can’t Think of a Good Title This Time…

Max Dood – how many points do I get for barfing on the mom’s lap? It was PAWSOME, especially the part where she jumped up and I flew through the air for about 5 feet. Oh, man, dood, you get like 4,892 points for that! Did you land on your feet? If you fly through […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Inside Scoop on Outside

Ask Max Monday: The Inside Scoop on Outside

Hey Max, I keep looking out the window and it looks interesting out there. I tried to sneak out the door but my mom caught me and said NO. I am an inside kitty only. But why? Why can’t I go outside? Dood. You don’t really want to go outside. There are rude introoder things […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Not My Fault!

Ask Max Monday: It’s Not My Fault!

MAX WHERE THE HECK YA BEEN? I’ve been the heck here. Waiting patiently. Mousebreath had a hiccup that meant I took some time off, and then it got fixed and I was without access to a computer because the Woman was off watching That Damned Dog Butters and his sister Lady, and the SHE CAME […]

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Ask Max Monday: Total Eclipse of the…

Ask Max Monday: Total Eclipse of the…

Hey Max…. So the foster lady shut me out of the foster room and then ran the sucky thing and then moved some other kittens in there and now I can’t get back in there. OK – so when I was in there I kept running out, but I thought that was MY room. She […]

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Ask Max Monday: He Ain’t Heavy But I Want Him Off My Head

Ask Max Monday: He Ain’t Heavy But I Want Him Off My Head

Max – how come my mom keeps torturing me by putting something around my neck? I keep taking it off, and she keeps putting it back on. She says I’m not allowed to be nekkid yet. Why not? And why does goody-four-shoes Flynn not mind the torture device? Quinn People get weirdly obsessive about neck […]

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Ask Max Monday: Please Don’t Eat the Puppy

Ask Max Monday: Please Don’t Eat the Puppy

The IScream truck came by and the mom did NOT let me go out and buy any. I WANT ISCREAM and I think that, since I stole, um, FOUND a whole dollar bill I should be able to buy some. How can I make this happen? Dood. Save your dollars until you have enough for […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Scoop on the Poop

Ask Max Monday: The Scoop on the Poop

  Dear Max: My cat Ozzy is bored, and he expects me to entertain him. But he’s not interested in anything I suggest. Screened porch bird watching?(Too hot) Toys? (Boring) Catnip (Also boring) Ice in a bowl? (Been there; done that) Play with sister? (Eeeeewww!!!) He’s only 8, but he acts like a grumpy old […]

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Ask Max Monday: WE’RE SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER I THINK

Ask Max Monday: WE’RE SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER I THINK

Dear Max, Cood you wish my goofy sister from annuder litter Gracie a happy twelf birfday today? I turnt nineteen lass munf, and the Food Lady sez if I make it to twunny, she’ll let me visit a real live rotissery chukkin farm and eet anyfing I kech. Do you fink she’z pullin my leg? […]

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Ask Max Monday: IT’S A GIRL!

Ask Max Monday: IT’S A GIRL!

Hey Max Dood Mine brofur Sammy is sick – he has some sort of cancer on his tummy and it’s icky. The mom says Nicky and I has to leave him alone, but he WANTS us to chase him. He whaps me first. When we does, he leaves all his furs all over the house […]

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Ask Max Monday: ON MONDAY, Y’ALL!

Ask Max Monday: ON MONDAY, Y’ALL!

Hey Max – we just moved into this house and were stuck in a room. We heard another cat living outside of the room, but the tall lady person took him away last night and she didn’t bring him back home. Today, we’ve been allowed out into the rest of the house. Why didn’t he […]

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