Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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Ask Max Monday: Nekkid Buddah? Hahahaha

Ask Max Monday: Nekkid Buddah? Hahahaha

Hi Max Do boy cats ever act like gentlemen or do they always act like kittens on crack? Thanks, Rosie Yes. No, really, we can be gentlemen, but we’ll also always, deep down, be furry little crackheads. Sometimes we’ll be nice and sweet, but every now and then a guy just has to go 3 […]

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Ask Max Monday: Goal Met, Hair Gone

Ask Max Monday: Goal Met, Hair Gone

Doods…y’all are awesome. Your generosity pushed the Woman’s fundraising for St. Baldrick’s over her goal by $4. This year she raised $1504, which is a lot more than last year, and a good part of it is because of you. That’s a lot of treatment funds, or maybe research money. Either way, there are sick […]

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Ask Max Monday: ISO Noah

Ask Max Monday: ISO Noah

Hi, Max. Mrs H is and has been threatening to move the Palace lock stock and barrel to other parts of the UK, somewhere cold and snowy by the sound of it–Scotland! Not sure how; maybe some anti-gravity device and float it up there, dodging air traffic control. Anyhows what would your advice be for […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Wuv, Twue Wuv

Ask Max Monday: It’s Wuv, Twue Wuv

Hi My Name is Jack and I am a large GingerTabby cat! I am about 3 years old! And I am the only Male in a Clowder of Female Cats! I need some LOVE Advice! Aspen used to love you Max! Well, I came to live here with Aspen back as a tiny kitten! V […]

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Ask Max Monday: Talkin’ the Talk…

Ask Max Monday: Talkin’ the Talk…

No questions this week, but that’s all right. Buddah and I have been busy working on something, and we’re not quite done for the day. Yep, you read that right. we’re working together on something. And in spite of how it looks, we’re not just messing up the bed (though we did do that, too.) […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shiver Yer Timbers…It’s Nice Here!

Ask Max Monday: Shiver Yer Timbers…It’s Nice Here!

Max – we got these new floors at our house. They are NOT carpet and we slide all over the place chasing toys. The mom thinks it is funny. Is it really ok for her to laugh that hard when we can’t apply the brakes on the new floor? It might not be okay, but […]

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Ask Max Monday: Sometimes ‘No’ Is The Answer, and It’s All Right

Ask Max Monday: Sometimes ‘No’ Is The Answer, and It’s All Right

Dear Max. We are having a big push here at the palace, to save the environment. Well when I say WE, I actually mean Mrs H, as she is the one that has to push the recycling bin down the palace driveway–all mile of it–and then push it back. Anyways, by changing our diets we […]

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Ask Max Monday: Gotcha

Ask Max Monday: Gotcha

Hey Max, sumtimes I haff trubble understand hyooman langwidge. Like, I try to be very polite and win I git on thare laps I present my bakside to them with my tale up so thay kan git a good sniff. And evry time thay tern me around and say, “No buttonface.” Whut’s a buttonface? I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Woof

Ask Max Monday: Woof

Max…. Our mom says we are getting new floors. In order to do that she is throwing out some stuff. Are we next???? Nah. She’s just taking the opportunity to cull the unused stuff from her belongings. People do that every now and then, and getting new floors is a good time because they have […]

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Ask Max Monday: Let’s All Vote for Nekkid Tripper!

Ask Max Monday: Let’s All Vote for Nekkid Tripper!

I know, I know…I'm late. My brain kept telling me it was Thursday and Friday all weekend, even though I also knew it was Saturday and Sunday and the Man was home last night instead of off passing gas. I'm getting old, doods. I suppose with that comes a little confusion about the calendar… * […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hork Hork Hork

Ask Max Monday: Hork Hork Hork

No worries Max, I just travelled back in time and copied the question. "Dear Max, I have just travelled back in time from Wednesday, and your post about last minute gift ideas, and have to say that you have some great ideas coming up. So definitely need to visit them and get them on your […]

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Ask Max Monday: Oops, I Did It Again…Redux

Ask Max Monday: Oops, I Did It Again…Redux

Okay. I have no idea what happened last week. I was 99% sure I’d answered questions, but to my surprise I had not. It’s not even like the Woman was out celebrating or anything and wasn’t home to turn the computer on for me. We just kinda spaced out. Chances are we got caught up […]

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Ask Max Monday: Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, Your Ornaments Are History…

Ask Max Monday: Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, Your Ornaments Are History…

My plans are to read "The Emperor of San Francisco" over the holiday break.  Is there anything I should know before I dive in?  Tips or storylines that may ease my transition into your book world? Really, there’s not anything you need to know. It’s light science fiction and takes place in the future; I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Feelin’ Fine…

Ask Max Monday: Feelin’ Fine…

Doods…thank you for all your well wishes while I was sick. It was a pretty nasty few days there, and the Woman was 99% sure that was it for me. But after a couple of trips to the stabby place, where they stabbed me a few times and stole my blood, and then pushed water […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Been Monday All Week…

Ask Max Monday: It’s Been Monday All Week…

This was a good week for not getting questions…because I'd just be delaying them to next week. Not a great week for me, doods. I haven't felt well at all. Didn't eat for days. Didn't sleep for a couple of days. Wound up at the stabby place TWICE and had blood stolen and things shoved […]

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Ask Max Monday: Conundrum of the Kitties

Ask Max Monday: Conundrum of the Kitties

Hi Max, I think you should be looking to move to the UK. I mean we get Dr Who on the day plus advert free! Gotta be worth a punt at getting the folks ship themselves over here. Now as to questions, do you have a preferred sleeping area for your bed, or do you […]

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Ask Max Monday: Lazy Like Monday Morning

Ask Max Monday: Lazy Like Monday Morning

I'm just gonna crawl back into bed and take a nice, toasty warm nap. The sheets look wrinkled, but they're fresh out of the dryer, so while I wait for questions for next week's ASK MAX MONDAY, I think I'm going to take 3,285 naps right here where it's quiet and warm. Also, I'm waiting […]

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Ask Max Monday: DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY

Ask Max Monday: DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY

All right, peoples of the United States. Tuesday is the mid-term vote. You know what to do. If you haven't voted early, get it done. If you care about your country, you'll suck it up and go, even if you don't think your vote counts. You are so spoiled Max, but thats okay I like […]

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Ask Max Monday: I’m Just Gonna Sit Here

Ask Max Monday: I’m Just Gonna Sit Here

…and stare. I see you there, staring back at me, wondering where the heck this week's column is. Either than or you're admiring my wonderous beauty. But I'm betting it's the column thing. Since there were no questions this week, you're gonna have to settle for me sitting here staring at you. It'll give you […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hide!

Ask Max Monday: Hide!

Max, I was so excited to find the PURRFECT holiday cards this weekend!  The Hubby rolled his eyes, and made noises about how 'we' should make our own cards, and how he could carve something that we could make a stamp out of…but did he do any of that?!?  NOPE!  Get the cards you want […]

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