Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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Ask Max Monday: Treat Yo’self

Ask Max Monday: Treat Yo’self

Dear Max. That festive occasion on the 25th (not Christmas, as we do not celebrate that) has come and gone, and I am a year older. I really ought to have made a new year resolution this year but can’t think of any to make besides the usual: eat more, chase mice, chase more mice, […]

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Ask Max Monday: RIDE ON, DOOD!

Ask Max Monday: RIDE ON, DOOD!

Dear Mr. Max,  My name is Max too!  My mom lady named me after you and so I have to make you proud!  Mr. Max, I am all of 3 months old and pretty tiny. I seem to drive ladies totally crazy and they just love to cuddle me. My question for you is this:  […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Doods! I hope you’ve had an awesome holiday season–and it’s  not over. We still have New Year’s Day, and this one will be a year filled with clarity and far vision, a good time to take stock and see what’s what. Look ahead and see the bigger picture–there’s not going to be another 2020, so […]

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Ask Max Monday: About Santa’s List…

Ask Max Monday: About Santa’s List…

You are, of course, right about life without cat hair all over being not what it’s cracked up to be. How many treats are enough? Just one more? Count out the treats and give them to the kitty one by one. When he throws up, there’s your answer. One less than that. = = = […]

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Ask Max Monday: Doods, I’m Gonna Get SOOO Rich!

Ask Max Monday: Doods, I’m Gonna Get SOOO Rich!

My question is, is there any way to make fresh laundry unattractive to cats? We had limited success using a detergent that had a really strong perfumy smell, but it was too much for me so i had to go back to the one we’d been using. Well, if you leave it in the dryer […]

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Ask Max Monday: Bolt It Down, Like, Right Now…

Ask Max Monday: Bolt It Down, Like, Right Now…

Do you have any tips for how to train dogs not to be so annoying to cats? Honestly, dood, the dog I lived with was already trained when I arrived home. It was a huge surprise a few years later to meet That Damned Dog Butters and discover that all dogs are not like Hank, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Welcome to the World, Cyrus!

Ask Max Monday: Welcome to the World, Cyrus!

Max, The Hubby and I will leave our happy home to drive to grandma’s house, to visit with relatives! Can you think of something LESS FUN than that? Luckily, the office is also closed on the Friday after T-giving, so I get to spend it with all of our kitties! Yay! Well, I’m pretty sure […]

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Ask Max Monday: Just Say CHEEEEEZE

Ask Max Monday: Just Say CHEEEEEZE

Is there any way to convince a cat that treat time is once a day only? Well, no. How can it only be once a day? DON’T YOU LOVE YOUR CAT??? Once a day. (Just only give them treats once a day, and eventually they’ll come to expect it only once a day. This process […]

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Ask Max Monday: Reed Mohr Buhks!

Ask Max Monday: Reed Mohr Buhks!

Eww, they are getting other animals germs on them! Where are the hazmat suits, Max? So, here’s my question for you, Max: since you are an author of books, do you read books too? Or listen to audiobooks? I don’t think anyone can be a halfway decent writer if they don’t read. Every day I […]

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Ask Max Monday: I Need the Thumbs to Come Home

Ask Max Monday: I Need the Thumbs to Come Home

Oh wise Max, Whyyyyyyyy did we have to wait so long for breakfast on Sunday morning? And dinner? You’d think the human would have compensated us for the late breakfast. Is this going to be the way it is forever–chow a WHOLE HOUR late? Who does our human think she is? It’s only gonna be […]

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Ask Max Monday: TWO MORE MONTHS

Ask Max Monday: TWO MORE MONTHS

What kind of charity needs her to wear those pants, or do i want to know? Max, what is your very favorite toy of all time ? She doesn’t HAVE to wear them and I think the charity would prefer she didn’t. SHE LIKES THEM. I KNOW! I don’t really have a favorite toy since […]

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Ask Max Monday: I CAN Say That, and I Will…

Ask Max Monday: I CAN Say That, and I Will…

Those pants should be illegal, Max! Here’s my question: Why can’t you talk Buddah into barfing on those pants, so they are ruined and must me dispatched to the Great Pants God in the sky? That will teach her…*evil grin* It wouldn’t do any good to have him hork on them. Aside from having a […]

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Ask Max Monday: My Eyes. MY EYES!

Ask Max Monday: My Eyes. MY EYES!

Max, why did it go all black this week? It was pretty cool. The humans couldn’t see and it wuz funny cuz we could see just fine. I can’t wait for it to go all black again. The Northern California power outage is a complicated topic, but I’ll say this much: everything went black because […]

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Ask Max Monday: Poop Happens

Ask Max Monday: Poop Happens

Hey Max, So the mom set up a room for the foster kittens and it is great cause they have their own space (OK – except Daiquiri isn’t happy cause it is harder for her to get to the kitten food, but whatever). Then the other night mom comes home and brings BACK a foster […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Weight of Words

Ask Max Monday: The Weight of Words

hay max! What are yoo dressin up as fer halloween this yeer? How bout Buddah? And how many sleeps till krissmiss? How much longer do I hafta be good for Santa to bring me stuff? This year I’m gonna be a world-renowned author for Halloween. And like a lot of writers, I’ll be hiding in […]

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Ask Max Monday: You’re The Jerk…But Not Really

Ask Max Monday: You’re The Jerk…But Not Really

Dear Max. Thanks for the Costco tip. Now as we liked your Christmas decoration post last week, we got to wondering what we would celebrate if, heaven forbid, Christmas didn’t exist. Also how we would celebrate the alternative. What would be your idea of a celebration and how would you celebrate it? Purrs Erin Paws […]

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Ask Max Monday: CHONK IS LIFE

Ask Max Monday: CHONK IS LIFE

Hi Max, Mahm sez I make a better door than a windo. Wut duz dat mean?! (Dis jennerly happen in bed rite befor she deeside I dont get to sit on her buhk or nekk or teevee stan no more.) Fanks, Gracie It means you’re fat, dood. Large and in charge. A Chonky Kitty. Don’t […]

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Ask Max Monday: REED MOHR BUHKS!

Ask Max Monday: REED MOHR BUHKS!

Max, how sweet that you bought a bicycle for your meowmy! I like that she celebrates her birthday for a whole month; I try to do the same! My birthday, however, is in a cold month, so I always have changeable weather. My next birthday is a BIG ONE, so what do you suggest that […]

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Ask Max Monday: School’s Back In Session!

Ask Max Monday: School’s Back In Session!

Hi Guys! Did you get the woman a present? We never get our humans a present. We are all the gifts they need! Paxx & Rosie I got her a new bicycle. She thinks she bought it for herself, but we all know the truth. It was me. All me. I let her pick out […]

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Ask Max Monday: She’s old. Really old.

Ask Max Monday: She’s old. Really old.

This weekend the Woman has been off doing things other than paying attention to me and catering to my whims. Worse, the Man is complicit in her inattention by going off and doing things with her. We’ve gotten NO work done, and because of that, no Ask Max Monday this week. Today, though, it’s her […]

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