Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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Ask Max Monday: MAX ATTACKS!!!

Ask Max Monday: MAX ATTACKS!!!

How many books does a cat need to write? I am heading towards my first being published and have more ideas for a series, but do not want to have to work harder than I have to as I have mouses catch and all that stuff. How many do plan to do? And does literary […]

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Ask Max Monday: Pay Your Insurance Premiums

Ask Max Monday: Pay Your Insurance Premiums

Nice advise on the hair thing, but the next time somecat tells you about the foods they don’t like eating, coodja give them my address and have them male it to me? I’ll eat anything. DOODS! SEND YOUR REJECTS TO HARVEY! Unless it’s steak. Then send that to me. = = = Max, I am […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hair of the…Cat, Or Something Like That

Ask Max Monday: Hair of the…Cat, Or Something Like That

MAX HOW DO I GROW A COMBOVER LIKE THAT ORINGE-FACED HYOOMAN HAS? I HAVE A SKIN KUNDISHUN WARE THEY SHAVED MY BAK INTO A REV-MO, AND THEY SHAVED ALL THE FURZ OFF MY TUMMEH, TOO. MY TUMMEH IS STILL BALD AND THE FURZ ON MY BAK ARE COMING IN PATCHY. IT DUZN’T GIT MUCH MORE […]

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Ask Max Monday: You.Don’t.Know.

Ask Max Monday: You.Don’t.Know.

Hey Max Who are the dogs &why are they in YOUR HOUSE ! Dewey Those dogs are That Damned Dog Butters and his sister, Lady. And THANK BAST they were not at my house. They stayed in their own house and the Woman went there to watch them. She just came home last night and […]

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Ask Max Monday: SHE BETRAYED ME

Ask Max Monday: SHE BETRAYED ME

Do I look happy? DO I? I assure you, I am not happy. I am not happy because the Woman smells like dog. Specifically, TWO dogs. Worse, she smells like dog and has not been home the last three nights, leaving me without a lap to nap upon. She’s come home to feed Buddah and […]

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Ask Max Monday: You’re Not Gonna Like My Answer…

Ask Max Monday: You’re Not Gonna Like My Answer…

Max/Buddah, I seriously need advice! I have two beautiful kitties, Angie (a senior) and Barney (just over a year old) who have a huge amount of toys. Barney, however, wants to play with poop. We clean the litter boxes daily and yet he’ll find a piece of poop, dig it out and bat it around. […]

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Ask Max Monday: Buddah Takes Over

Ask Max Monday: Buddah Takes Over

Hi! It’s me, Buddah, Max’s little brother even though he says I’m not really his brother, I’m just a pain in his asterisk. He’s kinda busy tonight, putting the final touches on his next book before it goes to the thingy that turns it from a manuscript into a real book, which doesn’t take very […]

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Ask Max Monday: Dash and Stash

Ask Max Monday: Dash and Stash

Max, my hooman has a noisy breffus masheen dat murders up bananas, spinnitch, oats, and meowlk into a gloopy paste dat she can drink. It lowt. It hurt my ears, and even tho she tells me she’s startin dat masheen and I shood go upstares, it tooo lowt. She yoosta eat hooman breffus soop, which […]

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Ask Max Monday: Nekkid Buddah? Hahahaha

Ask Max Monday: Nekkid Buddah? Hahahaha

Hi Max Do boy cats ever act like gentlemen or do they always act like kittens on crack? Thanks, Rosie Yes. No, really, we can be gentlemen, but we’ll also always, deep down, be furry little crackheads. Sometimes we’ll be nice and sweet, but every now and then a guy just has to go 3 […]

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Ask Max Monday: Goal Met, Hair Gone

Ask Max Monday: Goal Met, Hair Gone

Doods…y’all are awesome. Your generosity pushed the Woman’s fundraising for St. Baldrick’s over her goal by $4. This year she raised $1504, which is a lot more than last year, and a good part of it is because of you. That’s a lot of treatment funds, or maybe research money. Either way, there are sick […]

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Ask Max Monday: ISO Noah

Ask Max Monday: ISO Noah

Hi, Max. Mrs H is and has been threatening to move the Palace lock stock and barrel to other parts of the UK, somewhere cold and snowy by the sound of it–Scotland! Not sure how; maybe some anti-gravity device and float it up there, dodging air traffic control. Anyhows what would your advice be for […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Wuv, Twue Wuv

Ask Max Monday: It’s Wuv, Twue Wuv

Hi My Name is Jack and I am a large GingerTabby cat! I am about 3 years old! And I am the only Male in a Clowder of Female Cats! I need some LOVE Advice! Aspen used to love you Max! Well, I came to live here with Aspen back as a tiny kitten! V […]

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Ask Max Monday: Talkin’ the Talk…

Ask Max Monday: Talkin’ the Talk…

No questions this week, but that’s all right. Buddah and I have been busy working on something, and we’re not quite done for the day. Yep, you read that right. we’re working together on something. And in spite of how it looks, we’re not just messing up the bed (though we did do that, too.) […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shiver Yer Timbers…It’s Nice Here!

Ask Max Monday: Shiver Yer Timbers…It’s Nice Here!

Max – we got these new floors at our house. They are NOT carpet and we slide all over the place chasing toys. The mom thinks it is funny. Is it really ok for her to laugh that hard when we can’t apply the brakes on the new floor? It might not be okay, but […]

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Ask Max Monday: Sometimes ‘No’ Is The Answer, and It’s All Right

Ask Max Monday: Sometimes ‘No’ Is The Answer, and It’s All Right

Dear Max. We are having a big push here at the palace, to save the environment. Well when I say WE, I actually mean Mrs H, as she is the one that has to push the recycling bin down the palace driveway–all mile of it–and then push it back. Anyways, by changing our diets we […]

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Ask Max Monday: Gotcha

Ask Max Monday: Gotcha

Hey Max, sumtimes I haff trubble understand hyooman langwidge. Like, I try to be very polite and win I git on thare laps I present my bakside to them with my tale up so thay kan git a good sniff. And evry time thay tern me around and say, “No buttonface.” Whut’s a buttonface? I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Woof

Ask Max Monday: Woof

Max…. Our mom says we are getting new floors. In order to do that she is throwing out some stuff. Are we next???? Nah. She’s just taking the opportunity to cull the unused stuff from her belongings. People do that every now and then, and getting new floors is a good time because they have […]

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Ask Max Monday: Let’s All Vote for Nekkid Tripper!

Ask Max Monday: Let’s All Vote for Nekkid Tripper!

I know, I know…I'm late. My brain kept telling me it was Thursday and Friday all weekend, even though I also knew it was Saturday and Sunday and the Man was home last night instead of off passing gas. I'm getting old, doods. I suppose with that comes a little confusion about the calendar… * […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hork Hork Hork

Ask Max Monday: Hork Hork Hork

No worries Max, I just travelled back in time and copied the question. "Dear Max, I have just travelled back in time from Wednesday, and your post about last minute gift ideas, and have to say that you have some great ideas coming up. So definitely need to visit them and get them on your […]

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Ask Max Monday: Oops, I Did It Again…Redux

Ask Max Monday: Oops, I Did It Again…Redux

Okay. I have no idea what happened last week. I was 99% sure I’d answered questions, but to my surprise I had not. It’s not even like the Woman was out celebrating or anything and wasn’t home to turn the computer on for me. We just kinda spaced out. Chances are we got caught up […]

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