Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty
Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.
He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.
Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."
Ask Max Monday: The Impossible Question of How
Hey Max, Dood, purlease explain to my peon/mama why looking out the front door 6ft to the west of my window seat is so important. I have to throw temper tantrums, everyday dood, in front of the front door for like 20 mins or until I get bored to get the door opened to look […]
Ask Max Monday: What do, what do, what do…?
Dear Max. With a new season comes the eternal question as to what to wear, well for humans anyway. What stye tips can you offer the ill paid housekeeper, or general household labourer? Do you have any fashion preferences besides the super cool hat. Obviously we Tuxedo’s have the best attire, especially for dressing up, […]
Ask Max Monday: I Yelled At Mr. Boo
There were no questions for this week, which is okay because I had a totally traumatic experience and am still recovering from it. I mean, there I was, having a nice quiet life, minding my own business, taking a nap on the big bed, when the Woman came in and woke me up and then […]
Ask Max Monday: We Be Stylin’…
Here’s a question for you: How can I tell Manny and Chili Bruce apart, now that CB lost his one white whisker. They are both black cats! Sure, CB’s tailio is a bit poofier, and Manny’s tummy white spot is bigger, but these things are not easily apparent. We could put collars on them, and […]
Ask Max Monday: Yer A Kitty Clock, Lily…
Hey Max, After mama read the mice flavored cat food it got me thinking. A lot of out door cats eat birdies. How come there’s not more cat food that’s birdie flavored? I’m not talking chickens, turkeys or ducks. I’m talking pigeon, finches, sparrows, robins, etc? My stalker Peeping Tom that’s his main diet and […]
Ask Max Monday: Mice-A-Roni Is Not a Thing…
Max…how do we explain to the foster momma cat that all her yelling about “I need a boyfriend” isn’t going to accomplish anything here. Of course, there’s Junior, but he is nootered so that doesn’t count. Plus he is probably afraid of her. Can we leave her a sign on her door or something? Cause […]
Ask Max Monday: I Do What I Want. Srsly.
Dear Max. I love all those cat images that you collected. Do you think I should start collecting cats too? I mean I do the usual collections, Mice, Stamps (on spiders and bugs) and Antique cow creamers, but think maybe I should be branching out… but not squirrels. I did try collecting sparrows once, but […]
Ask Max Monday: Interviewish
Max: how can you tell if something is mentally wrong with one of your sisfurs? She likes to go outside with the mom, she doesn’t like catnip or whipped cream, and she sleeps in the cat carrier. What gives?? There’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just different, and that’s kinda cool. It takes guts to […]
Ask Max Monday: Thank You, And Yes, I Am…
If the mom has oxtail soup then I should get some too right? Because she is a food hoarder and not good at sharing anything. Also, since I have been sick and having radiation and stuff, I have asked the mom to get off her fat butt and hello me write a book. She has […]
Ask Max Monday: The Photoshoot Edition
The Man took this week off from passing gas, and he’s still off and the People are just kinda goofing off and not being very helpful, so it was a good week to not get any questions. While they’ve been going out an about, I’ve been napping and plotting (book stuff, not, like overthrow the […]
Ask Max Monday: Let’s ALL go Sledding!
Deer Max really what is wrong with smacking mine brofur down the stairs? The Mom really hollered at me for that. I say he just tripped over mine paw. She wasn’t there. She just saw him plopping down the last couple of steps. Would it have been really bad if I actually DID smack and […]
Ask Max Monday: It Never Snows In Catifornia…
Max! For the last 15 years my Humom has been stealing my poop every single day but today I noticed an email confirming her membership in something called the Kitty Poop Club. Does this mean that it’s not just her but an entire club harvesting kitty poop? I’m stunned to learn that for so many […]
Ask Max Monday: Salute Your (Rainbow) Shorts
Dood – how come my mom is stoopid? I mean, she can’t see me when I’m right in front of her and she calls and calls and calls mine name and then freaks out when I don’t show up. Because I can see her. Why can’t she see me? I mean, I am right in […]
Ask Max Monday: Zzzzz
Please settle an argument for me: I say that pooping in the mom’s slippers took a lot of skill. She says it’s just gross. Who is right? Well, really, you both are. I mean, getting your asterisk over the opening in the slippers takes some wicked math skills, calculating trajectory and all, and success is […]
Ask Max Monday: Mocking’s Not Just For Birds…
Dear Max, Due to a mouse shortage in these here parts, of the live but soon to be beaded kind, what can I use to keep my hunting skils high and still get the fun of the chase ? Toodle pips and purrs Erin There are always things in a house that can be hunted. […]
Ask Max Monday: You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me…
Max, you have such a catspractical solution to these daily human kitten issues. I really liked the one about kitten sitting, tell me, does this work on unruly kitchen staff too? Toodle pips and purrs Erin Kitchen staff are a bit different from kittens. I recommend sitting on them, but the only thing it teaches […]
Ask Max Monday: Doomed. DOOMED!
Max….so our mom keeps taking the kittens places (and bringing her back). Then she went and bought…a STROLLER for her. What is wrong with those two?? I’ve had to think long and hard about this, because at one time the Woman also bought a stroller with the intent of taking Buddah and me on walks […]
Ask Max Monday: Looks Like Everyone Was Busy This Week
There really weren’t enough questions this week (one) and the Woman was all OOOOHHHH LET’S WATCH THE OSCARS INSTEAD OF WORKING last night, so here we are. I was pretty much like this all evening, staring at the Woman, trying to get her to do anything other than watch people celebrate movies that she didn’t […]