Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR DOODS!
[ 8 ] January 2, 2017 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR DOODS!

Hello Max, Me and my human mommy binge watched Dr. Who all day and evening, too. I was nice and let her up to use the litter box room a few times, and to feed me. It was the BEST! Dr Who and treats all day and evening! But I have a question. How many […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Tuesday Edition
[ 1 ] December 27, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: The Tuesday Edition

Are you related in any degree to our Baby Su? You do share certain character traits. Just sayin’. I might be. Who knows? As far as I know my parents were random alley cats who met while on a Nip bender behind the 7-11 at 4 a.m. I could be related to a whole bunch […]

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Ask Max Monday: Squish A Kitty Optimal Training
[ 3 ] December 19, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Squish A Kitty Optimal Training

Max, we chit you not, da hooman turns 40 dis week. She kinda slippin. Her brane seem a bit derpy. Any tips for caring for a old-AF hooman? How we make shur we git da house wen she ded? How we petishun for pawer of a-turny? Mos importint, do you fink we can lern how […]

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Ask Max Monday: Heads, You Win. Tails, You Win.
[ 3 ] December 12, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Heads, You Win. Tails, You Win.

Max Dood Can we talk about something that has been bothering me for a long time? Years in fact. The problem is this – My name is Miles Phillippe Meezer. NOT “Poosie” “Puddin” “Fatso” “Farty” “Master McBarf” or “Poosie” – yes I said that one twice because I think that the mom has totally forgotten […]

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Ask Max Monday: Kitten Gifting
[ 2 ] December 5, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Kitten Gifting

Max, whuts a tale for? My bruther thwaps his in my face then gits all hissy win I try to kill it. If its not fur playin or killin, whuts it for? Tails have many functions: to balance, show emotion, clear the bathroom counter, test the temperature of whatever the human is drinking, and my […]

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Ask Max Monday: California COOL
[ 3 ] November 28, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: California COOL

HAY MAX HOW MUCH DID THEY PAY YOO TO WARE THAT TURKEEY HAT? I did it for free, dood! I mean, look at me. I AM STUNNING! And now everyone knows I mean business when I tell them to back off or I’ll wear their asterisk for a hat, because now there’s proof. Max i […]

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Ask Max Monday: Kitten Tongues, I Tell Ya!
[ 2 ] November 21, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Kitten Tongues, I Tell Ya!

how many more sleeps until Santa?? we are asking for a friend Not too many! Santa comes in a little over a month, so only 1,265 more sleeps! Max on the ballon idea, what about the Chinese lanterns you light and send into the night. I think those are more eco friendly I think those […]

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Ask Max Monday: Vote NO on Balloons
[ 5 ] November 14, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Vote NO on Balloons

hay max i herd you no evrything, so i haff an impurrtunt thing to ask. i just came to liv at a noo place. it’s nice. my brudder livs heer. i lived in a kupple udder places beefore this one cuz nobuddy wunts to giv blak cats furever homes. my brudder sez they’ll keep me, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Kitty Kolor 101
[ 5 ] November 7, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Kitty Kolor 101

Max, we teecht da hooman to fech. She almos got it figgert owt. She fro da mousie, we watch. She fro it agin and stare at us. We do nuffin. She run affer it. We watch. She get it, she say “here! ketch, kitties!” She fro it, we watch. What uvver triks can we teech […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
[ 3 ] October 31, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Max…. So, this foster kitten showed back up. He was here this spring when his momma popped him out and then he grew up (sorta – as big as they get around here before they leave) and mom said he wasn’t adopted and got snotty and now he is back here. Mom swears it is […]

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Ask Max Monday: Come Saturday Morning It’s Time To Put A Sock In It
[ 7 ] October 24, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Come Saturday Morning It’s Time To Put A Sock In It

Hay Max, they got my bro to come liv with us!!!!! This has bin the best week of my life! But why is it that Banzai looks like me and is NOT my bro, but my reel bro is blak! Banzai sez its cuz my mom was a ho. Shood I beet Banzai up? Naw, […]

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Ask Max Monday: It Does Too Freaking Rain Here
[ 21 ] October 17, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It Does Too Freaking Rain Here

Max, you sure have a way of cheering up our peeps! We cats should rule the world (maybe with dogs as a back-up). We’ve heard about the wood chuck, but WHAT, EXACTLY, is chucking (other than the up-kind)?! Well, I know a lady named Charlie and her husband calls her Chuck, so I’m thinking it […]

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Ask Max Monday: Say “Woof”
[ 91 ] October 10, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Say “Woof”

Max, I stealed the dog’s foods. It was good. Now my sisfurs sez “yoo are what yoo eats” Does this mean I will turn into a dog?? I does not want to be a dog! Well…there’s good news, and there’s bad news. First, you will not turn into a dog. Because, think about it, if […]

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Ask Max Monday: Speed Writing 101
[ 164 ] October 3, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Speed Writing 101

Max, the peeps put a CHOKER arownd my nek, and it has 2 BELLS on it! They are praktikly making me def thare so lowd. And the stoopid choker is PINK wich is not a mancatly color. I am pretty shur I’m gonna git strangled by this thing. Do you have the fone number for […]

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Ask Max Monday: Oops
[ 124 ] September 26, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Oops

MAX MAX!! Where is your column this week??? Inquiring minds want to know!! Dood, I have no idea what happened last week. If you’d asked me, I would have sworn I’d uploaded a column last Sunday night. Someone (and it had to be the Woman, because it certainly couldn’t have been me) had a massive […]

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Ask Max Monday: Cheese, Please
[ 9 ] September 12, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Cheese, Please

Max, I just finished reading your poetry book. You dictate so well. I was crying by the end though, even though you probably don’t want that. How did the woman manage to type your poems as I assume she often took breaks to laugh or cry? The Woman has a cold, black heart and nothing […]

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Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Dog A Treat… (Maybe He Won’t Eat The Cat)
[ 9 ] September 5, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Dog A Treat… (Maybe He Won’t Eat The Cat)

Max…. Any idea where we can get kitty sized ear plugs? The mom says it is “football season” again when those guys on tv seem to take forever chasing a ball around a big green field. And man can our mom yell at the TV. THANKS Amazon. Amazon is the answer for everything. If they […]

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Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Cat A Box…
[ 5 ] August 29, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Cat A Box…

Deer Max – will there be a book signing anywhere near my house? Also, will mine boogerhead brother ever stop wandering around the house screaming his bloody head off about nothing? Book signings require that I leave my house, which I am generally opposed to, so…nope, don’t think it will happen. I’ll sign books, just […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s All About ME!
[ 4 ] August 22, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s All About ME!

And why the heck not? ME. All ME. Dear Max, What did you do this week? Love, Max Well, Max, since you asked…this week my new book, THE EMPEROR OF SAN FRANCISCO was released! This is my first piece of fiction and I am very, very excited about it. Also, I am very, very nervous […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Truncated Edition
[ 3 ] August 15, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: The Truncated Edition

I’m sure you’ve told this story before, but how did you come to live with The Woman and The Man? Thanks. Gabriel’s Mom Long story short, I was kind of a rescue. When I was a tiny kitten I lived with friends of the Younger Human who couldn’t afford me, so he brought me home […]

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