Author Archive: Max the Psycho Kitty

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything.

He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003.

Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,",
"The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

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Ask Max Monday: Kitty Kolor 101
[ 5 ] November 7, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Kitty Kolor 101

Max, we teecht da hooman to fech. She almos got it figgert owt. She fro da mousie, we watch. She fro it agin and stare at us. We do nuffin. She run affer it. We watch. She get it, she say “here! ketch, kitties!” She fro it, we watch. What uvver triks can we teech […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
[ 3 ] October 31, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Max…. So, this foster kitten showed back up. He was here this spring when his momma popped him out and then he grew up (sorta – as big as they get around here before they leave) and mom said he wasn’t adopted and got snotty and now he is back here. Mom swears it is […]

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Ask Max Monday: Come Saturday Morning It’s Time To Put A Sock In It
[ 7 ] October 24, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Come Saturday Morning It’s Time To Put A Sock In It

Hay Max, they got my bro to come liv with us!!!!! This has bin the best week of my life! But why is it that Banzai looks like me and is NOT my bro, but my reel bro is blak! Banzai sez its cuz my mom was a ho. Shood I beet Banzai up? Naw, […]

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Ask Max Monday: It Does Too Freaking Rain Here
[ 21 ] October 17, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It Does Too Freaking Rain Here

Max, you sure have a way of cheering up our peeps! We cats should rule the world (maybe with dogs as a back-up). We’ve heard about the wood chuck, but WHAT, EXACTLY, is chucking (other than the up-kind)?! Well, I know a lady named Charlie and her husband calls her Chuck, so I’m thinking it […]

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Ask Max Monday: Say “Woof”
[ 91 ] October 10, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Say “Woof”

Max, I stealed the dog’s foods. It was good. Now my sisfurs sez “yoo are what yoo eats” Does this mean I will turn into a dog?? I does not want to be a dog! Well…there’s good news, and there’s bad news. First, you will not turn into a dog. Because, think about it, if […]

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Ask Max Monday: Speed Writing 101
[ 164 ] October 3, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Speed Writing 101

Max, the peeps put a CHOKER arownd my nek, and it has 2 BELLS on it! They are praktikly making me def thare so lowd. And the stoopid choker is PINK wich is not a mancatly color. I am pretty shur I’m gonna git strangled by this thing. Do you have the fone number for […]

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Ask Max Monday: Oops
[ 124 ] September 26, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Oops

MAX MAX!! Where is your column this week??? Inquiring minds want to know!! Dood, I have no idea what happened last week. If you’d asked me, I would have sworn I’d uploaded a column last Sunday night. Someone (and it had to be the Woman, because it certainly couldn’t have been me) had a massive […]

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Ask Max Monday: Cheese, Please
[ 9 ] September 12, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Cheese, Please

Max, I just finished reading your poetry book. You dictate so well. I was crying by the end though, even though you probably don’t want that. How did the woman manage to type your poems as I assume she often took breaks to laugh or cry? The Woman has a cold, black heart and nothing […]

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Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Dog A Treat… (Maybe He Won’t Eat The Cat)
[ 9 ] September 5, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Dog A Treat… (Maybe He Won’t Eat The Cat)

Max…. Any idea where we can get kitty sized ear plugs? The mom says it is “football season” again when those guys on tv seem to take forever chasing a ball around a big green field. And man can our mom yell at the TV. THANKS Amazon. Amazon is the answer for everything. If they […]

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Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Cat A Box…
[ 5 ] August 29, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Cat A Box…

Deer Max – will there be a book signing anywhere near my house? Also, will mine boogerhead brother ever stop wandering around the house screaming his bloody head off about nothing? Book signings require that I leave my house, which I am generally opposed to, so…nope, don’t think it will happen. I’ll sign books, just […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s All About ME!
[ 4 ] August 22, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s All About ME!

And why the heck not? ME. All ME. Dear Max, What did you do this week? Love, Max Well, Max, since you asked…this week my new book, THE EMPEROR OF SAN FRANCISCO was released! This is my first piece of fiction and I am very, very excited about it. Also, I am very, very nervous […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Truncated Edition
[ 3 ] August 15, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: The Truncated Edition

I’m sure you’ve told this story before, but how did you come to live with The Woman and The Man? Thanks. Gabriel’s Mom Long story short, I was kind of a rescue. When I was a tiny kitten I lived with friends of the Younger Human who couldn’t afford me, so he brought me home […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s The Hots. Run.
[ 6 ] August 8, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s The Hots. Run.

new book huh?? concats! about this election thingy….when is it gonna end? the mom lady is using some new creative HBO werds that she says we aren’t allowed to repeat…which we don’t think it fair….and says it is all due to this election. Oh holy Cheetos, the election krap can’t end soon enough. We have […]

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Ask Max Monday: I Writed You a Book. Again!
[ 10 ] August 1, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: I Writed You a Book. Again!

Ok, so there weren’t any questions for this week, so ya know what? I’m gonna engage in a little self-promotion, that’s what. A lot of you know that the Woman is a writer and she’s written a couple or six novels all on her own, and she helped me put together a few of my […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hit 225 Points, You Get A Free Ice Cream
[ 1 ] July 25, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Hit 225 Points, You Get A Free Ice Cream

Dear Max, Once again I need help in training my human. Now she says she will re-tire in a few years. OK so she needs new tires just get them, don’t tell me about it. I only go in the car once get a year anyway, Bast willing. Then she says when she re-tires she […]

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Ask Max Monday: How To Make A Kajillion Dollars
[ 7 ] July 18, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: How To Make A Kajillion Dollars

Hey Max, I can see how you and Buddah are such unique and sometimes demanding cats that the Woman might want an animal free period (at least until they decide they must have a cat in the house again – or maybe an elephant). I have a question about my crankypants cat. I never do […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Okay To Be Pet Free
[ 9 ] July 11, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Okay To Be Pet Free

Dear Max, As purr usual you were right! We tried out the elephant or should I say smellephant? We rented a nice one just to try it out but we couldn’t even get her through the front door and she missed her family so she went back home. Maybe when the time is right I’ll […]

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Ask Max Monday: We’ll Take Toothy Death For $100, Alex…
[ 6 ] July 4, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: We’ll Take Toothy Death For $100, Alex…

Sound advice, as always, Max. What would kitties ever do without you? They’d have to Google a lot, which means they would get more fur stuck in the keys of the computer, which means people would be upset a lot more…I have to live to, like, 100 just to keep peace throughout 4,321,593 households. Max, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Yes, We’ll Take That Card Back
[ 6 ] June 27, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Yes, We’ll Take That Card Back

Dear Max, Happy belated birfy day. Yesterday we were busy and couldn’t write to you because my sisfur had to go to the stabby lady house and they decided to keep her, well only until she’s better. She stopped eating and was dehydrated. She even lost two pounds. Her white count was high and they […]

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Ask Max Monday: Today Is A Good Day
[ 15 ] June 20, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Today Is A Good Day

  Today, doods, I want you to go out and have some fun. Or stay inside and have some fun. Just have fun. Today is my birthday, and my birthday should be a day for fun. Y’all know that the People never really expected me to live this long. Just before I turned 4, when […]

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