Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: The Brevity Edition
[ 6 ] November 17, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Brevity Edition

HAY MAX, WARE COOD I GIT ONE OF FINNEGANS SISTERZ KITTINS WITH 22 NIPPULS? Chernobyl. She’ll probably look a lot like this. Wise Guru Uncle Max, I have a question.  Have you ever been in love?  If so, what does it feel like? Indigestion. Max, how many times will I have to chew the mom’s […]

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Ask Max Monday: Mating 101
[ 3 ] November 10, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Mating 101

Max, I like to chew things. They used to give me drink straws to chew on (Taco Bell and McD have very good ones.) After I chewed up my human's stethoscope they went and bought me a proper chew toy. BUT nobody really makes cat chew toys (Petstages has some for kittens, but they do not […]

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Ask Max Monday: Poly Vu Cat?
[ 8 ] November 3, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Poly Vu Cat?

Max, you ever try to teach your hooman to tok correckly? We say “meow” to da hooman, and she say “meow” back. And den we say “meow” to da hooman, and she say “meow” back. And den we say “meow” to da hooman, and she say “meow” back. And den we say “meow” to da […]

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Ask Max Monday: Growing Pains
[ 16 ] October 27, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Growing Pains

Max, I don’t know who else to turn to and you seem to be able to handle the big stuff, so I’m coming to you and I hope that’s all right. I’m a person and not a cat. My mom is dying. She has at best 5-6 weeks, and it came out of nowhere. I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Sorry Isn’t Enough. Nope.
[ 4 ] October 20, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Sorry Isn’t Enough. Nope.

max i am only too and a half pownds and i’m trying to bulk up a little. i eet a lot but it all comes out my pooper like a frate trane. I tride adding some fiber by kleening my lardbutt buddeez butt but the man with the short hed furz don’t like that. I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Squeak, Squeak, Squeak
[ 4 ] October 13, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Squeak, Squeak, Squeak

Sorry I’m late getting this online today; we had some computer issues and everything I had already done is stuck on a broken laptop, which meant re-writing and I had to ponder hard and re-organize my thinks before doing that. Max, so we asked you before about what we should do when that woman that […]

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Ask Max Monday:
[ 6 ] October 6, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday:

Oh. Um. Since I last checked, in came a question. So. Never mind. Deer Max, I deesided that maybe that littul freek cat izn’t so bad after all and maybe we can form an alliunce together and vote Fat Lard cat off the ilund. But now, Fat Lard wunts to make the littul freek cat […]

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Ask Max Monday: The World is Your Playground; the People, Your Jungle Gym
[ 1 ] September 29, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The World is Your Playground; the People, Your Jungle Gym

Many purrs, Max! You are so wise! I have another question. As I was nipping at Big Sis Lily’s tail last night, she told me that I will not be a kitten forever. I’m okay with this–I want to get big and strong like Lily and Uncle Phelps. Lily tells me though that, once you […]

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Ask Max Monday: A Max By Any Other Name Might Not Get Paid…
[ 3 ] September 22, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: A Max By Any Other Name Might Not Get Paid…

Thanks for your wisdom Max! Just to clarify, Human Daddy didn’t kick me–it certainly wasn’t the famed Bunny Kick of Death, which big sister Lily is working hard to teach me–he simply moved the foot I was attacking off the side of the bed, i.e. out of bounds. As I was anchored to that foot […]

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Ask Max Monday: Battle Scars. People Love Them.
[ 8 ] September 15, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Battle Scars. People Love Them.

You’re so smart Max. Hey…so mom said one of the last batch of kittens is staying. And now mom puts a leash and harness (OMC!!) on her and they go places in the big metal box. Where the check are they going? Thanks Hmmm…adding another kitty to the caboodle. Leash and harness. Big metal box. […]

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Ask Max Monday: People Brains. Cooked and Filled.
[ 2 ] September 8, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: People Brains. Cooked and Filled.

Dear Max, Things have been great for the last 20,000 or so sleeps. Our union contract specifies that whenever our human is home we get unlimited treats, laps, face brushing, etc., essentially whatever we want, in return she can sleep in our bedroom, feed us and clean the litter box which is very fair. She […]

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Ask Max Monday: 2nd Tuesday of Next Week? In About a Year…
[ 1 ] September 1, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: 2nd Tuesday of Next Week? In About a Year…

I need help with a human boy. He likes to go over and hug my human girl and sit on her so I go over and sit on her to show him who is boss. He will try and hug me and pet me and put legos on me. And when I am relaxing on […]

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Ask Max Monday: Weight a Minute…
[ 5 ] August 25, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Weight a Minute…

MAX THIS IS KINDA AN EMERJINSY!!! I think my tribble is going ded. The fuddy duddeez I live with gave it to me win I wuz a baby, and I make biskits on him and sleep with him and I think we’re reelated acuz he kinda cherps and purrs like me. But he hazn’t bin […]

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Ask Max Monday: Nursing 101
[ 4 ] August 18, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Nursing 101

Max, Max, Max… has yoo heard of MANGOSTEEN? They’re funny purple thingies that smell really, really, super good. Whenever our hooman buys them I get to them and sniff sniff sniff them and rub myself all over them. Sometimes you get free ants with them too! The humans eat them tho, and I don’t like […]

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Ask Max Monday: The 3 C’s. Use Them.
[ 3 ] August 11, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The 3 C’s. Use Them.

So the mom has stopped giving us treats – we don’t know what we did to deserve that, but apparently we hissed her off about something. oh she says we are all too “fat” but so is she and that does not stop HER from stuffing her face with crap that is not good for […]

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Ask Max Monday: Cat Magnet, Babe Magnet, Same Thing
[ 4 ] August 4, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Cat Magnet, Babe Magnet, Same Thing

Dear Max, I have a complaint about my human. I spent much time training her to give me treats when she comes in the door after being gone more than 10 minutes. Now she is reasonably well trained, but she gives them to Snickerdoodle too and that drooling slimebag always gets to her first and […]

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Ask Max Monday: Thanks, Obama!
[ 3 ] July 28, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Thanks, Obama!

Deer Max – please settle this argument for us – when it’s time to get in the sleepy bed, WHO gets to sleep closest to the mom? I say it’s ME because I’m the oldest, but Miles says it’s HIM because, well just because, and Nicky is always trying to tunnel in under the covers […]

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Ask Max Monday: If It Takes Forever, She Will Wait For You…
[ 3 ] July 21, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: If It Takes Forever, She Will Wait For You…

Dear Max Dood, You seem to know a lot about that place… you know teh one, that Bridgey place, so if you can stand one moar question – my Lady may be going there a lot sooner than they thought, sooner than me even, and, well, not that I like her or love her or […]

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Ask Max Monday: Timing is Everything
[ 1 ] July 14, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Timing is Everything

Hay Max, thanks fur all yer help on gitting a gerlcat. It helped take the focus away frum the urjes. Now sumthing haz bin puzzling me. The fuddy duddies I live with put in a brand new wite cat scratcher floor in the rooms on the bottom of the house. Have yoo ever sunk yer […]

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Ask Max Monday: Bite, Claw, or Hurl.
[ 5 ] July 7, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Bite, Claw, or Hurl.

Hey Max, I got two teethie out last week. You were right, not fun. But now mommy is giving me bad tasting medicine before breakfast and dinner. I don’t like it, it tastes terrible. I try and wiggle away but she is too strong. How can I stop her from giving me this yucky stuff? […]

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