Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: Thanks, Obama!
[ 3 ] July 28, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Thanks, Obama!

Deer Max – please settle this argument for us – when it’s time to get in the sleepy bed, WHO gets to sleep closest to the mom? I say it’s ME because I’m the oldest, but Miles says it’s HIM because, well just because, and Nicky is always trying to tunnel in under the covers […]

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Ask Max Monday: If It Takes Forever, She Will Wait For You…
[ 2 ] July 21, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: If It Takes Forever, She Will Wait For You…

Dear Max Dood, You seem to know a lot about that place… you know teh one, that Bridgey place, so if you can stand one moar question – my Lady may be going there a lot sooner than they thought, sooner than me even, and, well, not that I like her or love her or […]

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Ask Max Monday: Timing is Everything
[ 1 ] July 14, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Timing is Everything

Hay Max, thanks fur all yer help on gitting a gerlcat. It helped take the focus away frum the urjes. Now sumthing haz bin puzzling me. The fuddy duddies I live with put in a brand new wite cat scratcher floor in the rooms on the bottom of the house. Have yoo ever sunk yer […]

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Ask Max Monday: Bite, Claw, or Hurl.
[ 5 ] July 7, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Bite, Claw, or Hurl.

Hey Max, I got two teethie out last week. You were right, not fun. But now mommy is giving me bad tasting medicine before breakfast and dinner. I don’t like it, it tastes terrible. I try and wiggle away but she is too strong. How can I stop her from giving me this yucky stuff? […]

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Ask Max Monday: 53 Internet Points if Someone Brings Me Cheetos…
[ 3 ] June 30, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: 53 Internet Points if Someone Brings Me Cheetos…

Hey Max, that Deztinee High looks pretty hot. How do I know when it’s time to git a gerlfrend, and how do I go about it? I’ve gone owt in owr nayberhood lookin fer gerlcats and haven’t fownd any. Also, someone stole my grapes abowt a yeer ago. Duz that meen I can’t have a […]

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Ask Max Monday: French & Dog 101
[ 3 ] June 23, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: French & Dog 101

Hey Max, is “chit” on the bad werds list, or is it only there if you say it in the French way? Mais non, mon petit ami de chat … « Chit » is a perfectly acceptable word for everyday use—it’s even a Scrabble or Words With Friends word ! It’s very flexible and can […]

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Ask Max Monday: Lick it. Lick it Good.
[ 3 ] June 16, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Lick it. Lick it Good.

Max, I just got a Da Bird toy for my cats. 3 of them think it’s spiffy, but one of them is scared. He’s a bit of a fraidy cat, but this is the first time he’s been scared of a toy (he loves toys.) If Da Bird is scooting on the ground he will […]

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Ask Max Monday: Those Should Not Be Blue. Ever.
[ 4 ] June 9, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Those Should Not Be Blue. Ever.

Max, da food lady is sick of us shedding. It was snowing as late as May 16 here in Shikoggo. So all the fur we was saving up for like 8 munfs is now flying all over da house. We’re OK wiff it, but the food lady is loozing her shiz-nit. She has all da […]

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Ask Max Monday: Salute Your Shorts. Or Pants. Whatever.
[ 10 ] June 2, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Salute Your Shorts. Or Pants. Whatever.

OK, what is the meaning of life, the universe and everything? 42. And don’t forget your towel. Max dood, why is it NOT funny that when mommy brings in Billy from running outside, I runout and make her chase me then when she tries to put me inside Billy runs out again. We think its […]

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Ask Max Monday: Doods! Thanks!
[ 6 ] May 26, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Doods! Thanks!

Doods, thank you so much for all your suggestions for quality noms! The Woman took notes and went shopping, and she bought a couple cans of several of the brands you guys like, and we’ve been trying one a day. She doesn’t want to do more than that at a time, even though we’ve never […]

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Ask Max Monday: Noms. Canned Noms.
[ 28 ] May 19, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Noms. Canned Noms.

Ok, doods, this week it’ll be a little different. Instead of answering questions, I’m going to ask a couple, because you might have knowledge that my people don’t. They’re usually pretty intelligent, but all the info they’ve been reading has made their head hurt, so I felt like it would be a good idea to […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Thingy In The TV Goes Nom Nom Nom
[ 4 ] May 12, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Thingy In The TV Goes Nom Nom Nom

Hi Max – furst and formost me and my Meowme lubbs you! Nao – about 8 months ago I got a sister (I am 10 and I have been the master of ceremonies and the only cat – me and Mommy I like it that way.. then we moved in w/this man.. that was ok […]

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Ask Max Monday: Aw, Nuts…
[ 3 ] May 5, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Aw, Nuts…

Deer Max, I have anuther qweschun and I think yer the only wun hoo can anser: Kranky cat Mao told me that if I hike down the back bank to the trale in the forest, it wood leed me to the bus stayshun ware I cood buy a tikkit to Barstow, and that wood undowtedly […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Easter Bunny Is Alive And Well And Living in CA
[ 3 ] April 27, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Easter Bunny Is Alive And Well And Living in CA

Max, halp. Our food lady has a paw fetish. She wants to stare at our toe beans all the time, and even once tried to put them in her mouf, which is disgusting. Speshelly, becoz we spend so much time cleaning them. Granted, our fuzzy feets are irresistible, but what is wrong with hoomans? When […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Answer is Always, It Tastes Like Chicken
[ 3 ] April 21, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Answer is Always, It Tastes Like Chicken

Dear Max, I see you are giving out exercise advice now. I like to walk on the treadmill everyday since it is right next to my kitty climbing tree. How can I be sure to keep my perfectly fluffy shape? I don’t want to get too lean and mean, cuz chicks dig me just the […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Devil Is In The Details. And the toilet, too.
[ 3 ] April 14, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Devil Is In The Details. And the toilet, too.

Max, one of my kitties keeps getting outside and then she gets on the roof and hollers her head off for us to come get her. She’s supposed to be an indoor-only kitty, but she pops a window open and sneaks out. We always make sure the windows are locked (and child-locked) but sometimes someone […]

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Ask Max Monday: Just Eat the Chicken…
[ 5 ] April 7, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Just Eat the Chicken…

Max, is it okay to wake up our human at our alarm clock? As you know, uhm..our alarm clock is different from human Of course it is. If you don’t, they’ll just stew in their own rapidly decaying slumber-laden stink, and the longer they remain in it the harder it is for them to get […]

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Ask Max Monday: Jump! Ya might as well ju-ump…
[ 4 ] March 31, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Jump! Ya might as well ju-ump…

Max, what should I do if my cat misses his jump? Should I carry him to where he wants to go or would that be too embarassing? I have a rather clumsy orange kitty. Video tape him. Seriously. Just tell him he’ll be an Internet star if he lets you. He won’t mind. After that…if […]

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Ask Max Monday: You Are Your Own Alarm Clock
[ 2 ] March 24, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: You Are Your Own Alarm Clock

Max, our the mom is totally GROSS. We need to know how to retaliate from the unfortunate “chunk blast” that Sammy got in the way of. Yeah yeah, the mom will tell you that he was straddling the human litterbox while she was TRYING to NOT blow chunks on him and he would not move […]

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Ask Max Monday: A Moment of Zen. Or Nip.
[ 4 ] March 17, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: A Moment of Zen. Or Nip.

Max, we gots no spring here by Shikoggo. It’s still snowing and being crappy, and now the food lady is sick. When we sniff her mouf, it smells like coff drops and sads. She sleeps too late and sniffs a lot, and she needs a baff (we bofe tried to baff her, but she doesn’t […]

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