Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: Purring For Profit
[ 3 ] May 25, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Purring For Profit

um wait, your humans cannot flush the human litterbox after they pee, and they can’t shower all the time? Oh dood, come to New York – you can flush and shower all day and no one cares – and it probably smells a lot nicer here too. our the mom would spend all day gagging […]

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Ask Max Monday: Flushing Out The Water Dish
[ 3 ] May 18, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Flushing Out The Water Dish

So Max, do you and Buddah have slap-fest fights? Miles and I have them and they are fun, but then he ruins it by screaming like a little girl, or a teenage girl in a horror movie. Sometimes we just sit facing each other with our paws in the air like we are going to […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Interest Owed For Desertion
[ 3 ] May 11, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Interest Owed For Desertion

Dear Wise Guru Uncle Max, Our humans did something totally inhumane–they left us for a whole day and a half. They served us brunch on Saturday and didn’t feed us again until their return on Sunday. We meant to give them cold tail to punish them, we really did, but you can imagine what 18 […]

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Ask Max Monday: Amazon. It Has Everything.

Ask Max Monday: Amazon. It Has Everything.

HAY MAX HOW DO I GET MY OWN BAT’LETH SWORD? I COODN’T FIND THEM ON AMAZON AND I THINK THEY WOOD COME IN HANDY WIN I’M SNAKE AND GOFER HUNTING. Dood, you didn’t look hard enough. Amazon has them! They’re pretty big, though. You might need to grow about 27” more inches tall and put […]

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Ask Max Monday: Cuddles Happen.
[ 6 ] April 27, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Cuddles Happen.

Dear Max My fur siblings have been just raving about your wise advice, so I just want to run a quick question by you. My human food person is pretty good at seeing to my basic needs, but unfortunately she is very affectionate, and constantly trying to pet and stroke me, and…..shudder….. Pick me up […]

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Ask Max Monday: Camo. The E-Ticket to Adventureland
[ 2 ] April 20, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Camo. The E-Ticket to Adventureland

Sir Max, In the morning before noms, I gotta chase and kill so I can eat with a happy tummy. I usually dump the toys out of the basket by the sink and chase cotton balls and tissue crumples and bestest of all, kill the cotton-ona-stick by dunking it in the water bowl. Then I […]

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Ask Max Monday: DON’T KISS THE DOG!
[ 5 ] April 13, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: DON’T KISS THE DOG!

Now Max I,Aspen,askedd you firsts to be my Valentine, remembers?? But Weezer she can com wiff uss as long as she knows I have first dibs on grooming your furry face & ears!!! Um, well, to be honest, Weezer asked me out first, like a couple of years ago. But even before that, a very […]

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Ask Max Monday: Apparently, It’s Ladies Night. Or Week. Or Month. Or…I am so screwed…
[ 5 ] April 6, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Apparently, It’s Ladies Night. Or Week. Or Month. Or…I am so screwed…

Deer Max Speaking of poops, why doesn’t the mom appreciate it when I fling all the poops out of the litterbox and onto the floor where she can get to them easier? Sheesh, all she does is moan and complain about it, about having to wash the floor all the time and about the smell. […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s MEDICINE. For Reals.
[ 5 ] March 30, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s MEDICINE. For Reals.

Hi again Max! Its Aspen again! I am a tweed. My face is darker. I am really nice and I have a Fishy scents of humor! Well I have also been spayed. But we could still have lots of funn! You know I love to go out and eat yard grass. Just the stuff that […]

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Ask Max Monday: The One Where I Hurt A Girl’s Feelings
[ 4 ] March 22, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The One Where I Hurt A Girl’s Feelings

MAX, I asked you to BE MY Valentine, and you never responded. I am Aspen and I am 10. I am Gorgeous! But there is only so much rejectshun a girl can take! I am a TWEED a Siamese Snowshoe Mix. I am one of a kind. Like Y0U! See, I just know we will […]

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Ask Max Monday: …And The Big Yellow Taxi Took Him Away…
[ 4 ] March 16, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: …And The Big Yellow Taxi Took Him Away…

Dear Wise Guru Uncle Max, You’ll never guess what happened this week, Uncle Max! I got a new Uncle. He is 15 years old and he looks just like me, only much, much bigger. I would like to talk to him, but he just hisses and growls when he smells one of us younger cats […]

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Ask Max Monday: Mouse Thingies. Hear Them Cry.
[ 2 ] March 9, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Mouse Thingies. Hear Them Cry.

Dear Wise Guru Uncle Max, This has been the best winter ever!! (Technically, it’s my first winter since I’m not yet a year old…) Anyhow, I got a tree in my living room and saw white stuff fall from the sky and, most importantly of all, Miss Lily decided to be my girlfriend after I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Which Witch White Witch? West Witch!
[ 4 ] March 2, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Which Witch White Witch? West Witch!

Max, you like to lik da graby sawce off da foods? We do. But the hooman gets all bent outta shape when we don’t eat da chunks and we just aks fur mor grabies. She run da chunks under da tap, finking she coud foool us. No way! She even aksted da stabby guy to […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shaving Your Kitty, Part Duh
[ 5 ] February 23, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Shaving Your Kitty, Part Duh

MAX! YER LATE AGAIN! WHY IZ YOU LATE? Well…right about the time the Woman was all, Oh Max! It’s time to get your column online! our Internet connection barfed all over the place and went into a coma, and nothing she did could wake it up. So she read a book instead, and hoped that […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shave Your…Kitty.
[ 5 ] February 16, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Shave Your…Kitty.

Dear Max You gave my sister Emily such good advice that I just had to write to you about a situation that is really worrying me. So, I’m a big guy with lots of energy who loves to play, and play, and play. And my sister Emily and brother Fletcher just couldn’t keep up!! Em […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Scoop On The Poop
[ 5 ] February 9, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Scoop On The Poop

Sorry I’m late today… I’d like to be able to give you some grand reason why Ask Max is late this Monday, but it really boils down to the Woman getting turned upside down and being really surprised that today is not Sunday. She’s special that way. Max – OMC…not only does the little weirdo […]

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Ask Max Monday: To Bleed, Or Not To Bleed–Why Is There A Question?
[ 3 ] February 2, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: To Bleed, Or Not To Bleed–Why Is There A Question?

Dear Max, Okay teh Lady kinda maybe saved one of my lives today, but should I acknowledge it or is it just her Bast given honor to have me in her one life? I was thinking maybe not making her bleed a lot when she gives me yucky medicines, but I don’t want to get […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Conundrum of Morals V Ethics
[ 5 ] January 26, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Conundrum of Morals V Ethics

Yeah, I have a question: Where did you get those super-spiffy pictures of yourself and Buddah?? The Woman used an app for her phone called pic2comic. There’s another one she likes called PaperCamera, but for the pictures last week, she used pic2comic. Would it be wrong of me to try and sell any or all […]

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Ask Max Monday: I’m Looking At You
[ 8 ] January 19, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: I’m Looking At You

Ok…I’m actually looking in the computer, trying to find all the questions I was set to answer. You can clearly see, in this artistic rendering, titled “Max Staring Into The Computer” how hard I’m looking. Spiffy, eh? So…when I checked this afternoon, there were no questions for this week, which is fine because the Woman […]

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Ask Max Monday: Reel in the Bait, Dood!
[ 4 ] January 12, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Reel in the Bait, Dood!

Why does that woman seem to think it’s OK to kiss me on the face when she has a cold and is all boogery? It’s downright DIS-GUS-TING. She doesn’t to that to other people when she’s boogery, aren’t we people too? I mean, it’s so gross I won’t even stick my nose up hers when […]

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