Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: The One Where I Hurt A Girl’s Feelings
[ 4 ] March 22, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The One Where I Hurt A Girl’s Feelings

MAX, I asked you to BE MY Valentine, and you never responded. I am Aspen and I am 10. I am Gorgeous! But there is only so much rejectshun a girl can take! I am a TWEED a Siamese Snowshoe Mix. I am one of a kind. Like Y0U! See, I just know we will […]

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Ask Max Monday: …And The Big Yellow Taxi Took Him Away…
[ 4 ] March 16, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: …And The Big Yellow Taxi Took Him Away…

Dear Wise Guru Uncle Max, You’ll never guess what happened this week, Uncle Max! I got a new Uncle. He is 15 years old and he looks just like me, only much, much bigger. I would like to talk to him, but he just hisses and growls when he smells one of us younger cats […]

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Ask Max Monday: Mouse Thingies. Hear Them Cry.
[ 2 ] March 9, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Mouse Thingies. Hear Them Cry.

Dear Wise Guru Uncle Max, This has been the best winter ever!! (Technically, it’s my first winter since I’m not yet a year old…) Anyhow, I got a tree in my living room and saw white stuff fall from the sky and, most importantly of all, Miss Lily decided to be my girlfriend after I […]

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Ask Max Monday: Which Witch White Witch? West Witch!
[ 4 ] March 2, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Which Witch White Witch? West Witch!

Max, you like to lik da graby sawce off da foods? We do. But the hooman gets all bent outta shape when we don’t eat da chunks and we just aks fur mor grabies. She run da chunks under da tap, finking she coud foool us. No way! She even aksted da stabby guy to […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shaving Your Kitty, Part Duh
[ 5 ] February 23, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Shaving Your Kitty, Part Duh

MAX! YER LATE AGAIN! WHY IZ YOU LATE? Well…right about the time the Woman was all, Oh Max! It’s time to get your column online! our Internet connection barfed all over the place and went into a coma, and nothing she did could wake it up. So she read a book instead, and hoped that […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shave Your…Kitty.
[ 5 ] February 16, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Shave Your…Kitty.

Dear Max You gave my sister Emily such good advice that I just had to write to you about a situation that is really worrying me. So, I’m a big guy with lots of energy who loves to play, and play, and play. And my sister Emily and brother Fletcher just couldn’t keep up!! Em […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Scoop On The Poop
[ 5 ] February 9, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Scoop On The Poop

Sorry I’m late today… I’d like to be able to give you some grand reason why Ask Max is late this Monday, but it really boils down to the Woman getting turned upside down and being really surprised that today is not Sunday. She’s special that way. Max – OMC…not only does the little weirdo […]

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Ask Max Monday: To Bleed, Or Not To Bleed–Why Is There A Question?
[ 3 ] February 2, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: To Bleed, Or Not To Bleed–Why Is There A Question?

Dear Max, Okay teh Lady kinda maybe saved one of my lives today, but should I acknowledge it or is it just her Bast given honor to have me in her one life? I was thinking maybe not making her bleed a lot when she gives me yucky medicines, but I don’t want to get […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Conundrum of Morals V Ethics
[ 5 ] January 26, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Conundrum of Morals V Ethics

Yeah, I have a question: Where did you get those super-spiffy pictures of yourself and Buddah?? The Woman used an app for her phone called pic2comic. There’s another one she likes called PaperCamera, but for the pictures last week, she used pic2comic. Would it be wrong of me to try and sell any or all […]

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Ask Max Monday: I’m Looking At You
[ 8 ] January 19, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: I’m Looking At You

Ok…I’m actually looking in the computer, trying to find all the questions I was set to answer. You can clearly see, in this artistic rendering, titled “Max Staring Into The Computer” how hard I’m looking. Spiffy, eh? So…when I checked this afternoon, there were no questions for this week, which is fine because the Woman […]

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Ask Max Monday: Reel in the Bait, Dood!
[ 4 ] January 12, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Reel in the Bait, Dood!

Why does that woman seem to think it’s OK to kiss me on the face when she has a cold and is all boogery? It’s downright DIS-GUS-TING. She doesn’t to that to other people when she’s boogery, aren’t we people too? I mean, it’s so gross I won’t even stick my nose up hers when […]

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Ask Max Monday: Co-Sleeping With People
[ 7 ] January 5, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Co-Sleeping With People

Um we drink the mom tea (bathwater) too. Is it really gross? Ok, well only BILLY drinks it because he is really kind of gross. Us Meezers only get into the tub when the mom gets out and the water is gone. Then we play. Our question though is this: Shouldn’t we be allowed to […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
[ 6 ] December 29, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Dear Max, So OK I might have climbed up the new Xmas tree. It’s all bright and shiny and spins around – I maybe couldn’t resist, but the woman caught it before it hit the ground. OK I might have also accidently cleared all of the Xmas stuff off the top of the piano. Nothing […]

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Ask Max Moday: Merry Ho Ho Ho!
[ 6 ] December 22, 2014 |

Ask Max Moday: Merry Ho Ho Ho!

Dear Max, My name is Bella and I think an alien spaceship landed in my neighborhood. I got the Klingons following me but they only do that when I leave the litter box. Mommy is mad at me because I scoot on the floor or ruggy thingy to kill the Klingons, but what’s a kitty […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Cone of Shame Month, It Seems
[ 5 ] December 15, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Cone of Shame Month, It Seems

Deer Max Sammy says there is no santa paws. Is this true? Mommy says i was named after his real name St Nicholas because mine gotcha day is right before chrissymouse. If there is no santa paws then mommy is lying and she will get coal in her stocking, and i will probably need a […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Red Dot Woes
[ 6 ] December 8, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Red Dot Woes

HAY MAX WARE CAN I GET SOME OF THEM CHERNOBUL GERLCATS? You have two choices: go to Chernobyl—that will require the borrowing of a person’s credit card and riding in an airplane for 183 hours, and then I think you’ll have to steal a car to actually get into Chernobyl because no people live there […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Tree Time!
[ 8 ] December 1, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Tree Time!

You are so knowledgeable, Uncle Max!  I was worried about my couch stealing my fur, too, until I read your response to Banzai.  Now I am taking twice as many naps on my couch to grow twice as many new furs.  Do you know if the same principle applies to laundry?  I love sleeping on […]

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Ask Max Monday: What the Heck Is In My Food?
[ 5 ] November 24, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: What the Heck Is In My Food?

can we fire the mom – we had a question and she can't remember what it is You probably could, but I gotta remind you: she has the thumbs and you most likely need those in order to have food and water with the least amount of effort. If I were you, I would keep […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Brevity Edition
[ 6 ] November 17, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Brevity Edition

HAY MAX, WARE COOD I GIT ONE OF FINNEGANS SISTERZ KITTINS WITH 22 NIPPULS? Chernobyl. She’ll probably look a lot like this. Wise Guru Uncle Max, I have a question.  Have you ever been in love?  If so, what does it feel like? Indigestion. Max, how many times will I have to chew the mom’s […]

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Ask Max Monday: Mating 101
[ 3 ] November 10, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Mating 101

Max, I like to chew things. They used to give me drink straws to chew on (Taco Bell and McD have very good ones.) After I chewed up my human's stethoscope they went and bought me a proper chew toy. BUT nobody really makes cat chew toys (Petstages has some for kittens, but they do not […]

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