Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: The Other White Meat
[ 2 ] December 2, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: The Other White Meat

Am I wrong for biting the mom when she removes my eye boogers? I mean, I don’t go sticking my claws into her eyes to remove some gross slimy crud from her face. Why can’t she just leave my face alone? No, you’re not wrong—you’re doing her a service by biting her when she bothers […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DOODS!
[ 2 ] November 25, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DOODS!

Max, how does we get our paws on some Fanksgiving turkey? It’s better than chikins and stinky goodness combined. Remember, we don’t have opposable fumbs. Loyal Fans Furever, Gracie and Spider The first thing you do is wait for the people to sit down to eat, then do the cute thing. You know, sit there […]

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Ask Max Monday: Phone Home, Dood.
[ 2 ] November 18, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Phone Home, Dood.

Hey Max, remember when you said a cat’s belly button is there under the fur but smooth? Well, I got shaved and I can’t find mine. What gives? Dood. I am so sorry. You’re a mutant. Probably of alien origin. If you hear any strange noises in your head, it’s the mothership calling you home. […]

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Ask Max Monday: Own the Stink, Dood
[ 5 ] November 11, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Own the Stink, Dood

Hi Mr. Max. I’m gonna make this kinda quick because we are all really sad here. My big sisfur Winky just had to go to the Stabby Guy on last Monday and she didn’t come home; the Stabby Guy said she had a cancer that he said must have been a really fast growing kind […]

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Ask Max Monday: Seek and Ye Might Not Find
[ 5 ] November 4, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Seek and Ye Might Not Find

Dear Max, We normally help mom with the foster kittens. But right now there is a weird sound coming from the bathroom. It kinda sounds like she brought home a baby chick-hen. How do we find out since she won’t let us in there right now (something about the babies not having enough shots)? And […]

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Ask Max Monday: Don’t Lick a Bellybutton, Either
[ 4 ] October 28, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Don’t Lick a Bellybutton, Either

Ok so you have us some good advice when before the little person came so we need more. We thought all the toys were ours. Now he will pick up the balls and play with them. And he plays with the plane with the string that makes noise that we love to drag around. Do […]

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Ask Max Monday: Wash Your Pits…We’re Going To Lick Them
[ 4 ] October 21, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Wash Your Pits…We’re Going To Lick Them

Dear Max – So I sneaked into the spare bedroom and hid there until the mom closed the door, and then I took a nap. And then I heard her shreiking mine name for like HOURS. I was comfy so I did not answer. She finally opened up the bedroom door and found me, and […]

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Ask Max Monday: Go Into the Closet…You Can Come Out Later
[ 6 ] October 14, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Go Into the Closet…You Can Come Out Later

Dear Max, why does Mom get annoyed when we are doing furroshus jungle cat stuff that’s important to member our big-cat relatiffs? I am a fearless mini-cheetah and my sister, Spider, is a mity black pamfer. But mom gets mad when I race around the house, nomming yummy preys (hoomans call them niknaks on the […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s a Gouda Name…
[ 3 ] October 7, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s a Gouda Name…

Max, the mom told us that we are getting something called new “siding” on our house and new windows and a new slidy door and a new front door, but that we will have to like live in the dungeon for a week when it happens. How is this fair? Do you think it would […]

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Ask Max Monday: 3…3…3 Kinds of Fun!
[ 1 ] September 30, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: 3…3…3 Kinds of Fun!

Max, my mom had a bad sore on her side and I had to take her into the baffroom and make the bleedings stop. Then we put medisines on it and then a bang aide. Then I had to take in the bedroom and give her purr ferapy for like an hours and ten minutes. […]

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Ask Max Monday: Always, Always Bite the Stabby Guy…
[ 5 ] September 23, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Always, Always Bite the Stabby Guy…

Hey Max- Who ever gave you the label of psycho kitty? You seem like a perfectly reasonable feline to me. I am the epitomy of reasonable! But the Woman seems to think that I’m a little off the rails, especially when I was about 2 years old, when she first started calling me that. Honestly, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Bribes Accepted
[ 8 ] September 16, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Bribes Accepted

Hi Max – I currently have a 9 1/2 year old kitteh (Maudy)- he is my best boy and my cuddle bug – my heart and soul. I adopted a new kitteh from the pound – she is only 4 months old and had already been hit by a car and had a broken leg […]

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Ask Max Monday: When in doubt…
[ 7 ] September 9, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: When in doubt…

Max, we read you got twinkies. We know they are new twinkles. Can you review them and let us know if there is a difference? They taste exactly the same as they did before…they taste like pure AWESOME. The cake part is all cakey, the creamy part is all creamy, and they smell just like […]

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Ask Max Monday: Plan Ahead; Get Tired Now So You Can Re-Tire Later
[ 6 ] September 2, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Plan Ahead; Get Tired Now So You Can Re-Tire Later

Can we send Billy to live with you? wait, we know what that answer will be. So, where would you suggest we send him? He farts and pukes and is otherwise disgusting. I think you should send him to live with The Summer Intern. They would have a lot of fun together, and from what […]

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Ask Max Monday: Say NO to D-I-E-t…
[ 9 ] August 26, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Say NO to D-I-E-t…

Max, two of my kitties like to open windows and sneak outside. One will just sit on the outside sill and sniff at the air, but the other one roams around (we’ve caught her sitting in the garage). I’m thinking of getting them leashes so they can go out with snoopervision. Any suggestions? If you […]

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Ask Max Monday: Water is Wet. Film at 11.
[ 2 ] August 19, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Water is Wet. Film at 11.

Dear Max, Why cats do not like water for recreation like swimming pools? I know that cats bathe very well and are very clean all the time. But other than the chemicals why won’t they swim? M.Kitty Because water is wet. Now, if you come up with some dry water, maybe we’ll think about it. […]

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Ask Max Monday: You Gotta Ask, Doods!
[ 9 ] August 12, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: You Gotta Ask, Doods!

This is what I do all week when I don’t have questions to answer: Well, okay, it’s what I would do if I had one of those things. I wanted one but the Woman was all, “No, no, you can’t buy one because you would play with it for five minutes and then you’d never […]

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Ask Max Monday: How To Make Friends And Influence Kitties
[ 3 ] August 5, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: How To Make Friends And Influence Kitties

Dear Max, I share my food lady with, I’ll call her “Elder Cat,” who owned the food lady before I did. Although she seems wise, Elder Cat does not appreciate my Abyssinian charms, such as tearing around the house (sometimes after her), mooching in the food bowl, and being all up in the food lady’s […]

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Ask Max Monday: Move Your Head, Human!
[ 7 ] July 29, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Move Your Head, Human!

Max – we gots a question. OK – so bad enough mom brings home little fuzzie kittens to foster. But now there is a strange tuxedo girl in the bathroom and she isn’t a kitten. Mom said that people were mean to her and the girl kitty was very skinny and very scared and we […]

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Ask Max Monday: When In Doubt, POOF
[ 10 ] July 22, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: When In Doubt, POOF

Dear Maxx, I am a princess, a VERY pampered princess (Sphynx) and mommy just told me the other day I may be gettin a little sister. It’s bad enough she just got married to a big guy (tho I do have to say, he is bald like me) who for some reason does not like […]

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