Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: LEAP Into Noms!
[ 8 ] February 29, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: LEAP Into Noms!

Hi hi hi Max dude Wez need sum advice about diz cat dat Iz hanging around our house. How do wez tell him to getz lost. Me Sugar has licked a bald patch on my side wid de stress of him. He haz de nerve to sit in front of our Bay window on stare […]

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Ask Max Monday: How To Be A Trump
[ 3 ] February 22, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: How To Be A Trump

Max, what do you think of brushies? Sumtimes I meow for brushies and I gets them. Sumtimes I do not gets them. Sumtimes I gets brushies when I DO NOT WANT and I gif the hoomin a biteys and scratchings wif claws. Do you like brushies? What is the bestest, brushies or pettins or skritches? […]

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Ask Max Monday: We’re Going To The Dogs Today
[ 2 ] February 15, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: We’re Going To The Dogs Today

Dood, the mom says mine breath smells like “butt” and she is going to brush mine teeth. Is it ok to bite her if she tries? Dood, it’s, like, the LAW to bite her when she tries krap like that. You might not win, but you’ll draw blood and that’s kind of the same thing. […]

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Ask Max Monday: Yeah, Dood…
[ 2 ] February 8, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Yeah, Dood…

Wise Mr. Max, I LOVE stinky goodness, but there are so many flavors and kinds. What are the best flavors? With or without gravy? Are there other good brands? Thank you so much for your help. My favorite stinky goodness is Fancy Feast. I mean, I freaking LOVE that stuff. I also like NutrMax sometimes, […]

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Ask Max Monday: FLUSH. It’s NOT a Game.
[ 4 ] February 1, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: FLUSH. It’s NOT a Game.

Hi hi hi Max Its your Canuck fan Sugar-Cookie Iz seen meowmie has bought someting called a Valentine card fur our pawpaw from de kitties. What is Valentine day and does I do any thing special fur my big brofur Oakley. Meowmie caught us snuggle on de Lazyboy and Iz was licking hiz face all […]

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Ask Max Monday: If It’s Twosday, This Must Be San Francisco
[ 1 ] January 25, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: If It’s Twosday, This Must Be San Francisco

Deer Max – thank you for answering our brother’s question and pointing out that he is a gross and disgusting being. He thinks we’re just being mean to him when we tell him, but it’s true. Also, there IS a 2nd Tuesday next week – because the mom is always telling us that she will […]

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Ask Max Monday: Rules Are Rules…Until They’re Not
[ 8 ] January 18, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Rules Are Rules…Until They’re Not

Hey Max…we here there is going to be another Kitten Bowl this year instead of the Stooper Bowl. We think that would be much more interesting. Except….that is about what goes on around here EVERY day with the foster kittens….. Does this mean we are going to be on TV?? Honestly…I doubt it. But you […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Coming. The Stooper Bowl.
[ 6 ] January 11, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Coming. The Stooper Bowl.

We do enjoy what you have to say Max, even though you broke my older sisfurr Aspen’s heart. She runs away when I read your column! Buts Me, Mango, and my Sisfurr Tigger, we loves hearing about your snark. Is a Snark kind of like a Shark? Where you grin and show all your teeth […]

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Ask Max Monday: Invasion Of The Sticky People, Early Edition
[ 4 ] January 4, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday: Invasion Of The Sticky People, Early Edition

Dear Max: My brother got really sick and died a few sleeps ago, and everyone decided to have a memorial service for him, which is nicer than a funeral because nobody propped him up for everyone to stare at and talk about when he couldn’t talk back. Anyway, I got up in front of all […]

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Ask Max Monday: Really, It’s All Ellen’s Fault
[ 5 ] December 28, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Really, It’s All Ellen’s Fault

Max, why duz the peeple bring a tree in the howse and then not even want me to klime up it wich is a grate shortcut to the upstares and an even better place to lay in wate for Buckaroo and the POWNSE! Also, do you know of any good krafts projekts that use kole? […]

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Ask Max Monday: Just A Few More Sleeps, Doods!
[ 6 ] December 21, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Just A Few More Sleeps, Doods!

What do YOU want for Christmas? (and we don’t think the people will be getting rid of Buddah, so think of something else) For reals? All I want is for there to be some real live fresh dead shrimp to nom on, and maybe a fresh nip toy. I don’t really need anything and I […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Not The End Of The World As We Know It…
[ 5 ] December 14, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Not The End Of The World As We Know It…

Max….our mom is mean and doesn’t put up a Christ-mouse tree. If we don’t have a tree, how are we getting presents??? Doesn’t Santa Claws have to have a tree to put our stuff under??? Random Felines Doods, now worries. Santa is pretty resourceful and as long as he can get in, he leave presents […]

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Ask Max Monday: Countdown to Santa
[ 5 ] December 7, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Countdown to Santa

  Why does your mug have a “B” on it? Is it for Big Beautiful Bascat? ~BratCat Supposedly the “B” is for “Buddah,” because he likes to drink out of a mug on the counter instead of the fountain. Truly, I think it stands for “Bonehead” or perhaps another head equal to the posterior attached […]

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ASK MAX MONDAY: Y’all Are Still Eating, Aren’t You…?
[ 5 ] November 30, 2015 |

ASK MAX MONDAY: Y’all Are Still Eating, Aren’t You…?

  I think everyone has holiday hangover, so my feelings aren’t hurt that there were no questions (unless you emailed them…we’re having an email issue this week because there’s a new computer and frakall in the way of memory to figure out what the password is. We’ll have that sorted very soon.) I hope y’all […]

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Ask Max Monday: Helping Paws on Thanksgiving
[ 4 ] November 23, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: Helping Paws on Thanksgiving

Dear Max, Last year I was Thanksgiving Hooligan. While my human and teh Grandma prepared a traditional Thanksgiving feast, I committed several crimes including: stole a raw turkey wing and dragged it around the house knocked over a carton of eggs and broke most of them was caught twice standing in and licking a baking […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s A Bouncing Baby Book
[ 3 ] November 16, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s A Bouncing Baby Book

DOOD!!!! IS IT TROO YOOVE GOT A NEW BOOK OUT???? DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR CATS HOO THINK THEY MITE BE GOOD POETRY RITERS? I’M PRAKTISSING ALL MY NANTUCKET RIMES. Dood I totally DO have a new book! It’s called There Once Was A Cat From Nantucket… the Kindle version is already for sale […]

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After the Rapture Pet Care: SRSLY???
[ 2 ] November 15, 2015 |

After the Rapture Pet Care: SRSLY???

The concern over how to handle pet care back down here on earth post-rapture has spawned a business, and oddly enough, the business kinda sorta looks legit. After the Rapture Pet Care says they’ll place your kitty somewhere in its vast network of non-rapture-bound heathen volunteers for just a $10 fee. (Actually, there may also be […]

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Ask Max Monday: I Know, It’s Tuesday…
[ 3 ] November 10, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: I Know, It’s Tuesday…

Dear Max – WHY does the mom insist on calling me NICK-NACK-PADDY-WHACK? Oh. My. Bast. It’s sooooooooo embarassing! I mean, she calls my brothers stoopid names too, but for some reason they like that. One of them even comes running to her when she hollers “POOSIE!!!”. I don’t even look at her when she stars […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Queen Is Not Amused
[ 6 ] November 2, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: The Queen Is Not Amused

Mr. Max I like to watch TV too. I watch Big Cat Diary, and love to watch those spotted kitties. My problem is that when their chase toys run off the TV, I can’t find them. I have checked the floor, and even the side of the TV (in case they were stuck there). Do […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Ok, I Like Woofies, Too
[ 2 ] October 26, 2015 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Ok, I Like Woofies, Too

Deer Mr. Max, I hope you don’t mind a question from a woofie. I’m a good dog I reely am. I came to this farm when I was just a puppy. There were 4 cats heer and they raised me to respect pussycats. I eat after the cats, I don’t chase them, I don’t bark […]

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