Category: Ask Max Monday

Ask Max Monday: The Answer is Always, It Tastes Like Chicken
[ 3 ] April 21, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Answer is Always, It Tastes Like Chicken

Dear Max, I see you are giving out exercise advice now. I like to walk on the treadmill everyday since it is right next to my kitty climbing tree. How can I be sure to keep my perfectly fluffy shape? I don’t want to get too lean and mean, cuz chicks dig me just the […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Devil Is In The Details. And the toilet, too.
[ 3 ] April 14, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Devil Is In The Details. And the toilet, too.

Max, one of my kitties keeps getting outside and then she gets on the roof and hollers her head off for us to come get her. She’s supposed to be an indoor-only kitty, but she pops a window open and sneaks out. We always make sure the windows are locked (and child-locked) but sometimes someone […]

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Ask Max Monday: Just Eat the Chicken…
[ 5 ] April 7, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Just Eat the Chicken…

Max, is it okay to wake up our human at our alarm clock? As you know, uhm..our alarm clock is different from human Of course it is. If you don’t, they’ll just stew in their own rapidly decaying slumber-laden stink, and the longer they remain in it the harder it is for them to get […]

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Ask Max Monday: Jump! Ya might as well ju-ump…
[ 4 ] March 31, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Jump! Ya might as well ju-ump…

Max, what should I do if my cat misses his jump? Should I carry him to where he wants to go or would that be too embarassing? I have a rather clumsy orange kitty. Video tape him. Seriously. Just tell him he’ll be an Internet star if he lets you. He won’t mind. After that…if […]

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Ask Max Monday: You Are Your Own Alarm Clock
[ 2 ] March 24, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: You Are Your Own Alarm Clock

Max, our the mom is totally GROSS. We need to know how to retaliate from the unfortunate “chunk blast” that Sammy got in the way of. Yeah yeah, the mom will tell you that he was straddling the human litterbox while she was TRYING to NOT blow chunks on him and he would not move […]

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Ask Max Monday: A Moment of Zen. Or Nip.
[ 4 ] March 17, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: A Moment of Zen. Or Nip.

Max, we gots no spring here by Shikoggo. It’s still snowing and being crappy, and now the food lady is sick. When we sniff her mouf, it smells like coff drops and sads. She sleeps too late and sniffs a lot, and she needs a baff (we bofe tried to baff her, but she doesn’t […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Science, *1#%@$^ !!
[ 4 ] March 10, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Science, *1#%@$^ !!

Max… we has a physics question for you. How is it that foster kittens aren’t very big, but they sound like the thundering horde when they run down a hallway?? thanks – the random felines I think it’s due to compression factors. Kittens are composed mostly of cartilage, rubbery ligaments and tendons, copious amounts of […]

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Ask Max Monday: Yeah…Where’s Our Bling?
[ 5 ] March 3, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Yeah…Where’s Our Bling?

Max, we want to know when the right time is to tell the food lady she’s adopted. Spider, my sister from another litter, says she originally adopted the food lady many naps ago when she was “between houses.” Now she owns the food lady’s house, especially the sofa. (She reminds me of that often.) Anyway, […]

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Ask Max Monday: Climb Every Mount…Person
[ 1 ] February 24, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Climb Every Mount…Person

Dear Max, The food lady works from home 3 days a week. You’d think this would would be good news. After all, like the food lady sez, “Stinky goodness doesn’t grow on trees, girls.” We were hoping for all-day breffus buffay, more scritches, and more napping on the food lady’s legs and boobs. (Yes, you […]

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Ask Max Monday: Turning Tricks
[ 6 ] February 17, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Turning Tricks

Dear Max – something terrible has happened here. We have always enjoyed nomming on certain dry kibbles and certain canned stinky goodness. Well, the canned stinky goodness just sits and sits in the cabinet, and now we see that the bag for our dry kibble has changed. And it tastes like cardboard. Poor Nicky has […]

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Ask Max Monday: Hello Kitty Pillow
[ 3 ] February 10, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Hello Kitty Pillow

Oh wize guru Max, I have a question for you. Why is the human so stoooopid? It takes forever for the elder cat and me to get through to her! The Elder cat, Fudgie, sits on the back of her chair staring at the empty food bowl and flapping her tail into the woman’s face, […]

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Ask Max Monday: =sniff=
[ 7 ] February 3, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: =sniff=

I told Buddah I didn’t have any questions to answer this week. Now, I had expected him to suddenly ask me a bunch of questions, but no, he felt bad for me. Or maybe he felt bad because he invested his evening in watching the Superb owl. He was so disappointed when he realized it […]

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Ask Max Monday: Dear Me
[ 9 ] January 27, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Dear Me

All right, dood, you’re twelve and a half years old now; you’ve gotten some quality living under your furry belt. Think back to the day you got your forever home. What would your current self tell your kitten self? ~Vader Dear Newby Max, Right about now you’re in the car of the Really Tall Guy […]

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Ask Max Monday: The Holes in a People’s Heart
[ 5 ] January 20, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: The Holes in a People’s Heart

Hiya Max, it’s us again. I’ve been wanting to write and say thanks you for your good advices back 2 months ago when my sisfur Winky went to the Rainbow Bridge – we all thought you gave us some good ideas on how we could feel better and how to help makes the Mom feel […]

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Ask Max Monday: Carpe the Diem
[ 2 ] January 13, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Carpe the Diem

Max, Santy Claws brawt us a remote control mousie to chase. The food lady is having waaaay too much fun wiff it. Even after we’re done wiff it, she won’t leave us alone. We could bat da mousie under da fridge next time or have the remote meet wiff some unfortunate accident involving an open […]

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Ask Max Monday: Dealing With The Big Booms
[ 2 ] January 6, 2014 |

Ask Max Monday: Dealing With The Big Booms

Dear Max, Happy New Year! I have been reading your column and your blog for about a year now. You’re smart and a cat – what’s not to like? I’d like to get you opinion on this. We are trying to encourage Knuckles to spend more time in other rooms of the house besides the […]

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Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
[ 6 ] December 30, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Guys, guys, guys…I hope your holidays have been filled with more Spiffy than you can handle, and all the Awesome you could have possibly hoped for. Buddah and I had a nice Christmas with the Man, the Woman, and the Younger Human, with lots of real live fresh dead shrimp to nom upon, and Twinkies […]

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Ask Max Monday: MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOODS!!!
[ 4 ] December 23, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOODS!!!

Dear Max, I just caught one of my cats beating one of my sister’s dogs. The dog is more than thrice her size. Why are dogs wimps? How do I keep my cats from beating the poop out of the dogs? I once wrote to you about my cats stealing yje dogs’ food, so we […]

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Ask Max Monday: It’s Time to Be Good!
[ 7 ] December 16, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: It’s Time to Be Good!

MAX! HELP!! Mine brothers just reminded me that chrissymouse is in like 138 sleeps. OH MY BAST!! I has not been the bestest kitty this year, and I just can’t help it but I has to knock everything off the table when I’m near it. Now, I personally think that this is the Mom’s fault […]

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Ask Max Monday: Shrinkage Happens
[ 3 ] December 9, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday: Shrinkage Happens

Halp! Our human is shrinking! The human used to be all big and squishy now it’s less big and less squishy, specially around the tummy. We herd other humans say ours lost “four inches.” We looked and looked in the house but did not find inches. What are inches? Why is our human shrinking? Well, […]

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