Cujo the Benevolent Dictator

August 7, 2015 |

feline-funny-farmer-friday

We aren’t able to get around the blogs as much as we used to and had forgotten how much fun The Cujo Cat Chronicles can be, so it was quite a treat to “stumble” over it recently. He was quite down-to-earth for one so eminent and readily agreed to an interview.

Funny Farmer Felines: Please introduce yourself and your siblings … um, minions. Your humans too.

Cujo: My real name is Raspittin, but everyone calls me Cujo Cat. I am a nine year old tuxie and the Supreme Dictator, High Poobah and Benevolent Dictator of all Universes (both known and unknown).

I live with Ivan The Tolerable. He is a VERY dim-witted, large orange tabby and serves as my bodyguard and blog bouncer. What he lacks in intellect, he makes up for in loyalty.

Tiger Lily (Lady Whinevere), is a gray tabby who is an expert whiner and accomplished complainer. I only keep her around because she makes amusing sounds when I smack her.

Jaq is a female blonde tabby who is either clinically insane or is very good at acting nuts, or both. She likes to hide in hidey-holes and sing medleys of various music styles (we don’t know why).

My two leggers are named Doug and Kathy Dunn. They are a mated pair and irritatingly cheerful. The male (Doug) transcribes my thoughts for the blog and books. He also cleans the Royal Litter. The female (Kathy) edits my books and tells the male to clean the Royal Litter. I also have several minions in my “Outer Kingdom” that I rule from my bay window and sliding glass door thingy. These include a couple of ferals, Bob, the peacock and a goat thingy named “Copper”.

Cujo_resized

Funny Farmer Felines: How did you come to live together?

Cujo: Ivan was adopted first. A few months later, the two leggers decided that Ivan was lonely and needed a companion….um, overlord. They went back to the place where they found Ivan and I was waiting to subjugate them. Shortly thereafter, one of the two legger’s offspring was moving to a new apartment that didn’t allow pets. She inflicted us with Tiger Lily. In 2011, Jaq showed up on my back deck as a starving waifling. Originally I hired her as an outside minion to irritate The Squirrel (my nemesis), but the two leggers took pity on her and brought her into the Inner Kingdom where she has resided ever since.

Funny Farmer Felines: What kind of mischief do you all enjoy?

Cujo: We have various amusements that we participate in. Hallway Hockey, Smack The Whiney Gray Tabby, Kill The Dust Bunny…etc. We spend a lot of time trying to destroy the “knock-knacks” that my two leggers keep on the upper shelves of my Kingdom. I spend a lot of time in the bay window cursing The Squirrel Thingy and casting aspersions upon his lineage. We also enjoy causing chaos and mayhem among the two leggers at every opportunity.

Funny Farmer Felines: Tell us about the area where you live.

Cujo: I live on Whidbey Island. It is an island in Puget Sound about 60 miles North of Seattle,Washington. My house is situated in a wooded area that provides lots of opportunities for observing (and subjugating) a great amount of wildlife including deer, raccoons, bird thingies…etc.

Funny Farmer Felines: Cujo, you are evidently a very heavy thinker. Could you tell us a little about your philosophy?

Cujo: Why, thank you! My philosophy is that felines are the highest form of life in the Universe thingy. All other organisms are here to feed, serve, or amuse us. I consider myself to be a “benevolent dictator”. I want everyone to live long, happy lives in servitude to me.

Funny Farmer Felines: We understand you have books. Do you write them or have a collection to read?

Cujo: Indeed I do. I have written and published two books: “The Cujo Cat Chronicles~ Musings of A Mad Housecat”, and “The Cujo Cat Chronicles 2~ The Chaos Continues”. Both are available on Amazon.com or through a link on my blog. I am currently in the editing stage of my third book “The Cujo Cat Chronicles 3~ Black, White and Bad All Over” which will be released this Fall.

As far as other books, I feel that knowledge is a great thing and therefore I am an avid reader. Unfortunately, being “thumb-challenged”, I am forced to do all my reading by looking over the shoulders of my two leggers as they read. However, they are both bibliophiles and their taste in literature is incredibly varied and eclectic. Personally, I enjoy reading everything from the Classics to Science-Fiction. I am also quite fond of World History. In my blog and books, I often offer my observations on books as well as television shows and movies.

Funny Farmer Felines: Cujo, you nearly electrocuted your dad not long ago when you turned on the electricity as he was fixing the goat fence. You are fortunate to have a human who provides you with so much entertainment. What other types of amusement does he provide?

Cujo: The Mustachioed One is incredibly amusing. He is kind-hearted, somewhat intelligent, but very clumsy and inept at most things he attempts (think Mr. Bean). He often inadvertently injures himself causing the female to sigh in exasperation. I also find it very amusing that despite eight years of evidence to the contrary, he still believes that someday he will outsmart me. He is the eternal optimist.

Funny Farmer Felines: If we were to ask your dad what he loves best about each of you, what do you think he would say?

Cujo: I believe that he secretly enjoys the havoc I cause. It always touches me when he screams in happiness at the latest knock-knack I’ve broken or at the sight of another shattered wineglass on the floor. I think he enjoys Ivan because Ivan is such a lump. Ivan is always just happy to lay around like a large, stinky floor mat. There is almost a zen-like quality to his stupidity. He seems to enjoy Tiger Lily because she annoys me and she kisses up to him (which annoys me as well). He loves Jaq because she is extremely affectionate towards him, but she is also a bit of a nut case and one is never quite sure what she is about to do.

Funny Farmer Felines: Cujo and his siblings … er, minions can be found at the Cujo Cat Chronicles.

He does not do Twitter, but for those of you on Facebook, Cujo has a personal page and a fan page.

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Category: 0 - Featured, Columns, Funny Farmer Felines, Interviews, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

The Funny Farmer Felines -- Cyndi, Percy, Rusty, Micah & Taylor -- are veteran tickle-your-funny-bone bloggers for Jan's Funny Farm. Their in-house conversations and jokes are legendary and unpredictable. They provide in-depth interviews of cat bloggers, Cat Scouts or social media cats for Mousebreath. Visit them at http://jansfunnyfarm.blogspot.com/

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  1. Cujo, Dog or Cat? - livingwithloulou.com | August 8, 2015
  1. Brian Frum says:

    They sure do sound like a fun bunch!

  2. Louou says:

    Well, this was an eye-opener as I happen to be a Tuxedo, too, and guess what? My anthro WROTE the script for CUJO (the doggy movie) and I think I’ll do a blog about what happened on the set to that poor thing. He was a St Bernard and, well, St Bernards are not violent and scary, right? So more later on my blog.
    But your life sounds PERFECT and your humans absolutely hilarious.
    I’ll go take a gander (no pun intended) at the books about you.
    Er..that you wrote.
    Loulou

  3. da tabbies o trout towne says:

    awesum interviews two day FFF 🙂

    cujo & crew….veree nice two meet ewe all…we N joyed yur interview N will stroll over two yur blog heer ina few az we hope we can get sum tipz bout dictaturr ship for trout towne N while de food serviss gurl iz at werk…. we will sneek over ta amazon & chex out yur books !!

    heerz two a hairtail, madtom fish kinda week oh end everee one ♥♥♥

  4. Summer says:

    What a awesome interview! I regularly visit Cujo’s blog and enjoy hearing about his adventures.

  5. Ellen Pilch says:

    Nice to learn more about you Cujo and family. How sweet that your Dad screams with joy when you knock stuff down 🙂

  6. Cat Scout Aspen (Brenda ) says:

    Hmm! My Moms knicky knackys are still in storage in Maryland. She has some statues from a company called WillowTree. I do know, Moms wouldnt like any cat messing around with her statues! Not even Cujo or his familee of cats! And, these Willow Tree statues are NOT to be confused with my fellow cat Sisfurr named Weeping Willow Tree, aka Willow.

  7. cindar says:

    hi Cujo, you are so cute. i wish i have cat family like Cujo. at the moment i only have one cat, i am thinking about getting new cat for the new family

  8. Timmy Tomcat says:

    We laughed as we thought Knock Knacks and Dads blown glass collection that is still in storage after the last do-over of the Tomcat Home. MOL. We read you on a regular basis and will be looking for your latest book. Thanks for your great work in keeping the lesser races under our paws
    Rumpy Bumpy Stumpnots
    (Sorry Timmy I usurped your comment capacity for this post)

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