Queen Penelope & Leisure Suit Kozmo

September 7, 2012 |

This is the first time we have traveled to do a Mousebreath interview. Our subjects have always come to us. But when Queen Penelope summoned us, we were a bit too awed (scared) to say no. So here we are deep in the middle of nowhere country to visit Penelope (Nellie), the cat from hell, and her loyal brother Kozmo.

Funny Farmer Felines: Would you introduce yourselves, your “hairy slobbery sisters” and your humans?

Nellie: Me is Penelope and me is the Cat From Hell. and me has my brother, Kozmo. Kozmo, quit playing with your tail! Sit up straight! Tell Percy, Cyndi, Cameron & Rusty how wonderful Me is.

 Kozmo: Um, Queen Penelope is wonderful, ‘cept when she whaps me, or merrowls at me, or…

 Nellie: KOZMO!!

 Kozmo: Yes Ma’am.

Nellie: And we has the Hairy Slobbery sisters, Bob…

Bob: I have been around almost as long as Penelope. And there is….

Bob, Nellie and Kozmo, all say at once: Cinnamon!

**A red streak comes tearing in** Cinnamon: Ya! Ya! Ya! Can we play? Can I jump on you? Will you throw my ball? Bob, can we go play in the yard? Come on guys, lets go PLAY!!!! Ya! Ya! Ya! **Cinnamon runs out of the room and Bob follows.**

Nellie: And there is Mommy and Daddy. Mommy helps me with the blog and Daddy is my favorite people. **Waves at them**

 Funny Farmer Felines: Penelope, you’re known as the Cat from Hell. Seems like a strange name for one so cute. How did you get that nickname, and do you have any others? What about you, Kozmo? What does your family call you?

Nellie: I was a rescue. I was badly abused and hated people. Me had never had a litter box, so my behavior was hellish! Not only did I attack people, but I clawed the furniture and eliminated in inappropriate spots. It tooked a long, long time before me improved. So Mommy called me the Cat From Hell. My nicknames are Nellie and Nellie Bellie. Me calls Kozmo THE BRAT, but he really is a good cat. Kozmo, quit playing with your tail, and did me not tell yous to sit up straight!

 Kozmo: Mommy calls me her Darling Boy and Kozimoto and Daddy calls me the great Mouser and Leisure Suit Kozmo.

Funny Farmer Felines: Kozmo, you’re the Cat on Call for the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation). How did you get involved with such a distinguished group? And are you allowed to answer whether the FBI is investigating the notorious Catstra Nostra?

 Kozmo: I was recruited by cats who must remain unknown and sent to a training camp. Shortly after, I happened to be the right cat in the right place at the right time. The nefarious foul fowl Chirrpy was creating his twitter virus right in the backyard down the street for S.C.O.U.R.G.E. – Secret Council Of Unlawful Renegades Gathering Evil! SCOURGE is managed by the Catstra Nostra. I got the call and the next thing I knew, I was chasing Chirpy all over the world! It was quite the adventure! Good Golly! Agent 00.1 is Ginger Jasper and 00.2 and 00.3 are Eric and Flynn I got to meet them on my last caper! I was so honored!!!! I am thinking there must be something coming up. I have had several contacts from mission control, but I can’t say too much about anything … yet.

 By the way, if anybody wants to be a member of the FBI (or if you are a dog, the CBI) all you have to do is ask us and we will pass your information along to control.

 Funny Farmer Felines: Your blog has a Hellions and some Angels page. We knew Nellie calls herself a Cat from Hell but we weren’t aware Kozmo is an Angel. Does this mean Kozmo doesn’t bite, scratch, steal food, or claw furniture? Is this a club and what are the requirements to join?

Nellie: Kozmo is a wussy pussy. He is a really good cat! He even comes when Mommy or Daddy calls! Me runs the other way! We will send the badges to anyone who asks. All yous has to do is send us a picture and we makes the badge and send it back to yous and we puts it on the hellions or angels page. Sometimes, when a cat has been purrticularly naughty or hellish, ME will bestow a badge, but there is no special requirements. Kozmo! Did me not say Sit Up straight!

Funny Farmer Felines: Nellie, you’re a member of the Naughty Kitty Club. It appears to be going strong, even though its founder Barney disappeared suddenly from blogging last year. Kozmo, are you a member of any group besides the FBI?

Kozmo: Me, oh, um, I go to Tuxie Tuesdays if Queen Penelope lets me, and I get to do Man Cat Monday, if Queen Penelope does not want to post. But with my job of catching mice keeping me so busy in the summer, it is hard to find the time, especially when Queen Penelope has so much to say. (She monopolized the iPad)

 Funny Farmer Felines: Nellie, did we read it right, you gave your dad a shiner once? And you locked your mom and dad out of the truck some time back and he had to break a window to get to you, Licorice (now at the bridge), and your woofie sisters? If we remember correctly, your dad is the one who brought you home. Shouldn’t you be bringing him breakfast in bed instead of beating him up and trying to give him heart failure?

Nellie: Daddy??? I am Daddy’s Queen! He is honored to take care of me! Truth be told, besides black eyes, I have also walked between his legs when he was coming up from the basement and twisted his knee and he gots bruises all over, I have bitten his ankles attacking him from under the bed, I have rended great swaths of skin from his arms when he has tried to put me in the PTU and given him numerous other injuries. But he still lets me cuddle with him when we is watching TV or reading or sleeping. Yous will never find me too far from Daddy. Me LOVES him and he knows that.

 Funny Farmer Felines: Kozmo, you’re a country gent and chief house mouser. We know you take your position very seriously and are very good at your job. Do you have other intruders to protect your mom from?

 Kozmo: I screamed at the bear from the bedroom window the other night and he ran, I’ve chased a few raccoons, and the deer just sniff me, even when I stalk them. Mostly I decimate the mouse, vole and mole population and keep them from coming into the house and the garden. Cameron, Rusty, Percy, do you want to go on a safari?

Funny Farmer Felines: We understand you two have a new adventure coming up. Can you tell us anything about it or is it top secret?

Nellie: Me has been getting strange emails about egg rolls. It is an old boyfriend of mine, but me has had so many, me has no idea who it could be! Me thinks he has been threatening Kozmo’s girl cat Callie (and my mentee). But me is more concerned with what me has going on in my life right now. After all, its all about ME!!! Me has just got engaged to Allred and me will be a one man Cat girl cat. Kozmo – Don’t play with your tail! Tells them about the next adventure!

Kozmo: The FBI thinks he might be tied to something bigger, many of the FBI has been put on Alert. I have been keeping extra special watch on S.C.O.U.R.G.E. – Secret Council Of Unlawful Renegades Gathering Evil! And Nellie, er Queen Penelope has soooo many old boyfriends, it is hard to figure out which one is sending these emails.

Funny Farmer Felines: What do you like most about blogging? What do you dislike about it?

Nellie: One of the bestest, uplifting and wonderful things about blogging is that you get to meet peoples, cats, dogs and other pets who you were always destined to be friends with! Me LOVES to reads new blogs and read what my friends is doing and what they thinks about. Me loves the camaraderie and that as a community wes helps each other and other pets and ferals.

The bad thing about blogging is me does not has enough time! It is hard to keeps up! Me always wonders how bloggers like Brian and Sparkle does it.

 Funny Farmer Felines: Do you have any words of advice for new blogging kitties?

Nellie: Leave insightful comments on blogs that you enjoy. The more you explore, the more you are likely to discover.

Thanks yous for coming to visit us! Shall wes goes outside and have some nip tea in the sun? Mommy, can yous bring the tea and the tuna cup cakes?

 Funny Farmer Felines: Uh, Nellie, there aren’t any bears or wildlife outside, are there? Are you sure? Okay, we’ll have some tea, but if anything moves out there … um, if we hear any snorts or growls, we’ll be heading back to town.

Stop by the Cat from Hell blog to visit Nellie and Kozmo.

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Category: 0 - Featured, Columns, Funny Farmer Felines

About the Author ()

The Funny Farmer Felines -- Cyndi, Percy, Rusty, Micah & Taylor -- are veteran tickle-your-funny-bone bloggers for Jan's Funny Farm. Their in-house conversations and jokes are legendary and unpredictable. They provide in-depth interviews of cat bloggers, Cat Scouts or social media cats for Mousebreath. Visit them at http://jansfunnyfarm.blogspot.com/

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  1. Mousebreath! | Cat From Hell's Blog | September 7, 2012
  1. Penelope says:

    Oh! Oh! Oh!
    This is just too exciting for words! Me in a prestigeous magazine like Mousebreath! Thanks yous for coming to visit us in th the middle of mowhere Jan and the Farmers! Wes really enjoyed your visit and the neighbors has been over all day telling us how well behaved the Funny Farmers is!
    Kisses and THANK YOUS
    Nellie

  2. another great interview…..that Nellie sounds like a good interviewee 🙂

  3. Wow!!! This was one of the best interviews we have read in a long time…. Nellie, your speaking skills are incredible and Jan and the Funny Farmers sure did a great job capturing the true essence of your purrsonality!! Plus, you are running Austin’s campaign for Cat Ruler of the World…. Is there nothing you can’t do??

  4. GREAT interview with Nellie and Kozmo !!

  5. Marg says:

    Great interview Nellie and Kozmo. Well done. We think you are terrific, that is for sure. Glad you found such a good home.

  6. Dianna says:

    Oh, what a wonderful interview with Nellie & Kozmo. They are extra special furriends of mine, and they just did great answering all these questions!
    Love, Sundae

  7. Old Kitty says:

    Awwww Queen Penelope!! Me and Charlie curtsy and genuflect in super awe and respect!! We are honoured to be in your regal presence and quiver at your amazingness! And sweet Kozmo- maybe play with your tail when you are in your FBI headquarters!! LOL!! Take care
    x

  8. Wow, you guy’s rock…especially youz Nellie..Bol

  9. CATachresis says:

    Nellie and Kozmo that was brilliant. Funny Farmers you did a great job extracting all that from the normally reticent Penelope. 😉 Kozmo you are so like me!!! love Austin xx

  10. MOL! We love naughty Nellie and sweet Kosmo. And three hoorays for the Mummy and Dad who love Nellie even when she’s being a little devil and who fight bears in their spare time.

  11. GREAT interview Miss Nellie! (…oh, and Kozmo too!)
    We love learning more about you…and just adore your blog, your personalities and clever style. We always smile when we visit.

    Thank you for making the blogosphere a richer place for us kitties and even the humans!
    love,
    Katie

    • Kozmo says:

      Dear Katie,
      Flattery will gets yous almost anywhere…
      Now when this Cat Ruler of the World thing is over, is yous up for a ladies only vacation?
      Kisses
      Nellie

  12. Whisppy says:

    That is such a great interview! We think we may have to submit Tutu’s picture to you soon to join the ranks of the other Cat(s) From Hell!

  13. Great interview! Thankyou. The JFFs just get better and better with their skills. Good to know about these kitties. Such characters they are!

  14. Fisher says:

    What a great interview and we dearly appreciate the dedicated journalist who is willing to leave the city for a good lead!

  15. What a great interview Nellie – we love learning more about you. You have a very exciting life and the Funny Farmers were very good at getting you to reveal your secrets.
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
    p.s. Purrs to Kozmo.

  16. Brian says:

    Those two are sooooooo terrific and so was the interview!

  17. Gracie says:

    Great interview. I now know Nellie and Kozmo so much better than before. I always wondered about the name chosen for such a cutie kittie but now I know for she why this was given. I will never ever mess up around The Cat From Hell. I will as I am requested. I am mostly a good kittie but I do bite the mom sometimes and I an agnel or a little devil?

  18. The Meezers says:

    I know NOTHING of this Catstra Nostra of which you speak. I is NOT a member of it with anyone named Tony Soprano. WE does NOT run this Catstra Nostra. – Samuel Alfonse Meezer (SAM)

    • We believe you, SAM. We interviewed you 2 weeks ago and you assured us **wink, wink** you are not associated with the Catstra Nostra. We believed Chey too. Jan says we’re naive but we believe you both.

  19. meowmeowmans says:

    Hi Nellie and Kozmo!

    That was BRILLIANT! We love you both so much, and loved learning some new stuff about you. Those FFF’s really do a great job of interviewing, don’t they?

    Hugs and headbonks!

  20. Pawsome interview!! We really liked learning more about Nellie and Kozmo!

    The Florida Furkids

  21. That was a great interview! Thanks!
    I’m glad I could learn a little more about Nellie and Kozmo! I love their blog!
    Purrs

  22. Great interview! We always wondered where you got your name!

  23. That was another great interview. Nellie, we know you are a Queen and should be treated with the utmost respect, but the FFF were very brave to come and visit you in the bear infested wilds.

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