Hey evrybuddy this is
Tripper Harrison Jeter in da dugout for Jeter Harris with this week’s sports rap up.
YANKEEZ: Probly the hilite of the Yankeez week wuz win Andy Pettitte piched 8-1/3 shutout innings. He had gone 680 days between regular-seezin wins, so he musta bin pritty happy not to suk anymore. The Yanks beet the Reds 4 to 0. Win asked abowt his win, Pettitte sed, “I’m just hoping and praying the body holds up.”
Da grate Fill Hyooz lost a game aginst the Bloo Jayz (nom nom nom!) throwing 11 kunsekutive for-seam fastballs. Nine of em were at least 94 mph wich is faster than I can run win I’m chasin’ bloo jayz. The Yankeez offense took da nite off. The only teem hoo suks werse than the Yankeez in the AL-Eest rite now is the Boston Red Sox.
CARDNULZ: Thare wuz a shutout in the Cardnulz game aginst the Dodjerz, too, but the Cardnulz were on the loozing end of that one. The Dodjerz’ Clayton Kershaw threw his forth career shutout in a compleet game. He’s got a reely good rekerd going with 14 winz and just 1 loss so far this yeer. Da Dodgerz have the best rekerd in baseball rite now with a .675 winning persentidge. But I don’t care. I hate da Dodgerz.
GIANTZ: Tim Linsicum is reely sukking this yeer and the sukking started rite after he sined his bazillion dollar contrakt. He’s definitly sufferin frum The Zito Effect.
TIGERZ: Justin Verlander came thisclose to throwing his therd no-hitter aginst the Ahoy Mateys, but his hopes were dashed in the ninth inning. He reely thru sum heet, with 98, 99, and 100 mph fastballz. That is sizzlin’ fast.
OK. Time fur a nap. That’s yer In da Dugout repurrt.