Last week, me an the Food Lady were invited bak to see my frends at Purina. We got to see sum sooper-seekrit behind-the-seens akshun and then we got to see the Purina Incredible Dog Challenge wich gave me a few brillyunt money-makin’ ideas that I don’t mind sharing with you cuz I’m just that kind of cat.
Ferst of all, I feel compelled to point out that I had to fly to Saynt Lewis INSIDE THE SOOTCASE IN KARGO, wile that stoopid Trip got to ride in luxury up top. Just becuz he’s too ginormous to fit in the sootcase duzn’t make it fare.
OK. Now with that out of the way, heer are 13 ways I’m gonna make a millyun dollars.
- Hire out as a chef to other cat food companies, cuz I think Purina is the only one that has a reel chef making peeple food for peeple that they then tern into flayvers for cats and dogs.
We got to eat the frittattah dish that wuz the inspurration for Fancy Feest Mornings (one of my faves). Chef Amanda kept making dish after dish trying to impress us, but she had me at the bacon shortbread and the Fancy Feest Mornings frittattah. She also made the dish that inspired Friskies Crispies, our new faverit treet.
The hansum fellah in the fourgrownd is Brian Frum’s elusive dad. He and the Food Lady are chowing down. The Food Lady is the one hoo looks like a chipmunk that just krammed a peenut into his mowth:
Heer’s chef Amanda at werk:
Good thing they weren’t testing mouse flayvers!
- Start pilgrimidges to meet the Purina Research Center cats, Rocky and Eva.
Hands down, the most pawpular part of the day was gitting to interakt with Rocky and Eva. (Or, sinse we are old frends, I just call ’em R&E.) I think I could rake in the doe starting pilgrimidges to meet them, and charge addishunul for each time you pet them.
This is my grate frend Rocky, hoo I think was surprized to see me agin:
Heer’s Rocky agin, saying, “Hey, nice to see you agin, Skeez!” She dissed Trip and whapped him flat on his big toosh.
That’s my good frend Stephanie Harwin of Catsparella way in the back waring the cat swetter.
- Hire out as a dating consultant to my grate frend Tamar hoo rites I Have Cat. Heer’s Tamar kissing pigs:
Tamar rites about trying to git a date in Noo York Sitty. Sinse I have had a lot of dating suksess and have had the same speshul frend fur about 7 yeers, I think I could give her sum good pointers. And she alwayz dresses reel sofisticated like a reel troo Fashionista, so I think she has a lot of munneys to pay me.
- Git my pikcher on a bag of Purina Cat Chow, wich will, no dowt, sell a bazillion bags.
I wuz vary disappointed that the dog peeple got thare pikchers on Purina Dog Chow bags but Purina Cat Chow did NOT do the same for the cat ladies (heer’s the pikcher of my grate frend Cosmo Havanese and his mom, da byootiful Diane Silver.)
HELLO PURINA CAT CHOW!!! Did you furget yer biggest fan????????? SRSLY!
- Become a Spokescat for Potty Areas. Cuz if thare’s one thing I’m good at, it’s going potty. Check out the look on Gracey’s face win she got a wiff of my potty stink!
- Lern to ketch frizbees and make a virul video for yootube of it that goze viral and terns me into a moovie star.
Dogs are stoopid and they can lern, so it must be pritty eezy, rite?
- Git a job as a cat trayner. I’m pritty bossy and I am a cat so it shood be a peese of cake. Plus, I think I wood like playing jumprope:
- Lern how to beet all the peeple in the werld playing carbon dating explained. This hansum orangie is Buddy, the raining werld champiun:
And that’s intp esfp dating‘s mom hoo is holding him.
- Sell cat bathing tips to cat moms.
I know most cats don’t like takin’ baths, but me an Trip and https://mousebreath.com/sarah-hyland-dating/are old pros and we cood make a lot of munneys selling our tips to cats and cat ladies:
- Give tours of the Checkerbord Square campus.
I’ve bin thare so many times I know it by hart. And it’s vary byootiful, so lots of peeple wood pay to go look at it. Heer’s me an Trip in frunt of one of the ponds:
- Win $15,000 and worldwide fame in the Friskies Video Contest*. Heer’s me an Trip next to the trofee:
- Sell portable koi ponds to kittehs
Me an Trip’s faverit part was watchin’ the koi in the koi pond. Unforchewnitly, Purina has this stoopid silly rool that nobuddy can eat the koi in the koi pond (maybe they use them in the Fish and Shrimp Fansy Feest).
Heer we are at the koi pond:
And heer are the koi:
Makes yer mowth water, duzn’t it? I think lots of kittehs wood LOVE havin’ thare own private koi ponds. Am I rite, or am I rite?
- And what will I do with my millyun dollars?
I’ll make adoption kits and give them to evry shelter cat on the planet. Cuz it makes me feel reel tingly and nice inside.
How wood YOU make a millyun dollers?
THE FINE PRINT: Purina paid all expenses including transportation, food and lodging for the trip to Purina headquarters. There was no requirement that we write pawsitive reviews of Purina, but since we’ve been feeding Purina products to our pets for all of our lives, you could say we’re fans.
* Whoops! I’m not eligible 🙁