Ask Mao Monday

Ask Mao Monday

 

Dood, ware’s Max?
Max is at home wating for his woman to git her bupkiss in geer and help him tipe. She was wisked off by a pink Tardis this weekend whilst waring a lowd pare of pink patternd tites and big fake boobs. We assoom she has bin committed to the funny farm. Max may be taking apps for a new typist. Look for the ad on Krage’s List.

karen Thompson's pink tardis

 

I’ve got a bony butt, but I’d like to have a bootylicious butt. The problim is, win I eat more to git a bootylicious butt I just git a bigger furchin and my butt stays bony. How do I git a bootylicious butt?
Yer gonna have to wate for Ask Chey Monday to find out the anser to that.

How do I find out whut career I shood have?
You have to take an aptitood test. This determins wether yer better at nappin, purrin, sittin, yowling insessintly until yer peeple say ‘MAO SHUT YER PIEHOLE!”, stuff like that. And then that’s whut you do fer the rest of yer life.

I’m an indoor cat and I hate it. How do I git to be an outdoor cat?
Well, bein an indoor cat is better cuz you don’t have to werry about gittin eated by vishus deer and foxes and bobcats and coyotes. Getting eated is NO FUN. You can also git fleez and tiks wich are NO FUN, unless you count grossing out yer ladey with engorged tik bodies that need to be reemoved or those little maggoty rice chunks that come out of yer Spot 13.

I’d rekummend gitting yer lazey-assterisk peeple to bild you a catio or take you out on a leesh or in a stroller. Then yoo can git fresh air without gitting eated. Or, do whut I do. Sit at the frunt door and howl to hi hevvens until you brake yer peeple’s eardrums and they say, “Holy pickles, Mao, would you shut yer piehole!?!?!” and then they brake down an let you out.

7 thoughts on “Ask Mao Monday

  1. No prob, dood. But I think I did that misplaced modufier thing at the top. I ment just a lowd pare of pink tites, not a lowd pare of fake boobs, too. Unless she wuz planning to do the motorboating thing.

  2. Hahahaha I *was* gonna upload my column but this is so much better…and now the Woman reallllly wants a hot pink TARDIS.

    Thanks for picking up my slack, dood! I’ll save mine for next week!

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