Ask Max Monday: My Breakfast Was Late, Too…

Ask Max Monday

Max, we have two friendly ferals outside, and I’d like to coax them inside. We’ve built a stairway to the 2nd floor balcony, and both cats use it. But, one cat doesn’t want to come in, and gets mad at the other cat if she does come in! Food (good, stinky stuff!), toys, love, warmth…none of these matter to him. Any suggestions?
Thank you, oh great knowledgeable one!

Reach out, grab him, slam the window, and there you go. Cat inside.

If that’s not helpful… doods, what say ye? This is outside my skill set. How does a person get a feral to chill and come inside?

Hi Max
Don’t be sad ! A question for your next column: i am feeling badly because I haven’t been able to have enough play time with my 2 cats lately. Actually, for quite awhile.
We used to play with Da Bird, ribbons & feathers, even hide & seek ! They are 2 males ages 5 & 3 & get along well.
My husband has been very ill & is now in a nursing home permanently. It’s been exhausting, you know? I love my 2 guys & talk to them a lot, they watch TV with me & sleep on my bed. But not much playing anymore.
I know it’s been a confusing time for them too. Do you think they understand? Things are changing for all of us.

Oh, another thing..the younger cat butts in when i try to play with the older one. He doesn’t get it’s one at a time ! Should i play with them separately in locked rooms? They always act awkwardly if the other is watching….

Cats are pretty sensitive to how their people are doing. They might not understand exactly, but they know that you’re doing your best for them. They’re getting attention and love, and that’s what matters. And if you find time to play, given how limited it is, let the kitties butt in on each other’s time. That way they get to play, and it might be a bonding experience. They’ll stop being awkward about it eventually.

My Mom needs some big-time help (don’t get why she’s upset!). We are moving to a new house. I like to spray on the bathroom tile. So she wants to know if there is ANYTHING she can do so I’ll lose this habit. Some kind of deodorizing spray???

My people swear by this stuff called Kids & Pets. It doesn’t just deodorize, it’s also an enzymatic cleaner and removes the things she can’t smell but you can (and makes you want to pee there again.) Every time you pee somewhere, she should soak the area with it. And to help curb the urges, maybe stick some Feliway diffusers around the house? That might help you chill out and not want to pee inappropriately.

Max, thare abowt to move the klox bak agin. Is this the time of yeer win that meens we git owr brekfist erlier or (HORRORS) do we haff to wate an extra howr for them to git thare fat butz outta bed? Why do hyoomans have the power to move time arownd?

Based on my experience this morning, we now have to WAIT for breakfast. It sucks, but we don’t get to vote (speciism, total speciism) so we’re stuck with it.

I don’t think that people grasp that time is a human construct and really doesn’t mean much. When a cat is hungry, a cat is hungry and should be fed. No matter what the clock says.

How do I get my roommate to let me have a cat.  He likes cats too so I dont understand.  Missing a furry friend, Linda

Bribe him.

One of my people friends wanted a kitten and her husband didn’t so she bribed him with ‘if we don’t get one I’m not letting you touch my boobs for like a month.’ They got a kitten.

Try that, maybe it’ll work.

I have a question for you:  how is it that my darling Nemo (aka Mini panther) who is a robust boy (around 18 pounds) who loves it sit on the window still but can just barely squeeze into it, with his legs on one side hanging over.  How can that be comfortable?     

Leslie R.

Sometimes the joy of being by the window outweighs the pain of sitting there. Or what’s hanging over is just fat and fur and he doesn’t feel it. Try draping yourself over the back of the sofa…it might feel nice. Go on, go try it, we’ll wait here.

Now, see? It looked awkward, didn’t it? But it felt nice. Sometimes we like some weird chit, even if no one else understands.

ok does you think first or second breakfast is de most impurrtant and is it OK to wake de human up haft an hour earlier to make sure it’s on time 

she sets de alarm fur 5:30 but we worry she might be late so we start walking on her around 5. 

She says dis is wrong but wez disagree 

who iz rite

your Canuck fans

Oakley and Sugar

First breakfast is most important because your blood sugar is down from going hours and hours and hours without eating, all because people need to sleep in big chunks of time. You’re totally right in waking her early. If you don’t, and she sleeps through food o’clock, you might get dizzy and pass out, and then she’ll sleep through the WHOLE DAY and probably get fired. She should be THANKING you. Seriously.

We found food that Daffy likes but it gave her diarrhea.  Then we found that she would eat one of the Nutrish flavors, but only the gravy not the solids.  Everything else we put in front of her:  she walks away.  How in the world do we find the right food for her without spending a fortune?

I think the answer is clear: you spend a fortune. Sooner or later you’ll stumble on the right food, she’ll be happy, you’ll relax…and then she’ll change her mind and you get to start all over again!

If you gave me a choice I’d probably only eat gravy food, too, but then I’d be hungry all the time because there’s not a lot of actual food in those cans. So the Woman trades out. I get gravy one meal, solid the next. Eventually, I eat.

Not that it’ll help, but my people tried to get me to eat Nutrish…I would not touch it. I even looked at them like they’d insulted me. So now we get a mix of Fancy Feast (because I like it) and Pro Plan (because Buddah tolerates it better.) But, yeah, it took a long time to figure that out.

Hi Max,
I like your TARDIS hat.
Who is your favorite Doctor?

I totally dug the 12th Doctor. He was old and grumpy, and I totally related to him. I’m sad he’s leaving, but I’m also excited for the next Doctor because I AM GOING TO MARRY HER.

Hey Max,

My sisfur and me want to know how many sleeps before Santa Paws brings us more Bison treats?

You have connections, can you purr a hint to Santy Paws that we luvs Bison the best as we are mighty huntresses and we might have taken down a Buffalo in the olden days we thinks!

Thanks oh mighty Max and wet licks for u from us!

Mitzi and Luna

Only 3,287 more sleeps until Santa. And I’m pretty sure he reads this column, so you’re all set! SO BE GOOD SO HE BRINGS THOSE!

Hi Max, I have an idea for you. When you don’t get any questions why not just make some up? We all look forward to reading your words of wisdom. Some people say that the news is made up too.


That sounds like work…like, a lot of work. I would have to think. At the end of the week. Oy.

4 thoughts on “Ask Max Monday: My Breakfast Was Late, Too…

  1. Max, our hoomin catnapped a feral who was outside and getting picked on so much he had PTSD. He came in in a cage, and spent almost infinity sleeps (ed.: about 8 months) in the guest room calming down to where he would accept being touched under some conditions . . . gushy food has to be involved. Our hoomin got a housecall stabby person to come and check his bloods, and hooray, he’s healthy, so now we’re all trying to adjust to him being Cat-About-House.

    While we’re not sure there’s enough room for the two of us plus him in this territory (ed.: 3-floor townhouse!) at least we’re not as nasty as the colony or the peepul outside and our hoomin is a true believer in a pretty-firm schedule and habits.

    No surprise,after he figured out that gushy food and kibble both come regularly, and boxes get scooped, that clever boy hasn’t once tried to get out!

  2. The cat who came before says that when she got here she was a outdoor kitty who had her kittens under a rosemary bush on the patio. The patio was owned by two elderly indoor mostly cats who agreed to her choice of nursery. After her kits went to new homes, she adopted some boys from the local feral queen to raise. One stayed with her after she decided to be an indoor kitty, but he wanted to stay out ’cause he was scared of people. The food giver person made a deal with the outdoor boy. He could come in unmolested as long as he used a litter box and didn’t fight with the elder kitties. In return she would let him out whenever he wanted. He became an indoor cat who wanted out less and less.

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