Max, my hooman has a noisy breffus masheen dat murders up bananas, spinnitch, oats, and meowlk into a gloopy paste dat she can drink. It lowt. It hurt my ears, and even tho she tells me she’s startin dat masheen and I shood go upstares, it tooo lowt. She yoosta eat hooman breffus soop, which is basikly hooman crunchies in meowlk. She has laktoes-free meowlk so I get to lik da soop bowl wen she dun, wich I like. I stan on her lap and put my nose over da bowl and full-on paw pressure on her blatter while she eet to remine her I get da last meowlks. I know dat hoomans have useless weak sad little teef dat can’t murder too good, but can I sabbataj dis masheen to make her go back to da kwiyet soop dat we shar? She look like she gettin enuff to eet. Fanks, Gracie
The only way I know to sabotage machines like that are to gnaw into the power cord—but I don’t recommend it because if it’s plugged in, you’re gonna have a bad time and maybe even turn into kitty cacciatore. Other than that, you’d have to push it off the counter…but it might not break. It might just go =CLANG= which is a guilty kind of loud that you can’t hide from.
I know the machine is loud, but have you tried the stuff she’s making it in? My people bought a machine that fries food without really frying food, and it’s super loud, but the stuff that comes out of it is delicious. Maybe the loudness is worth it if she’s getting something tasty out of it, but you’ll never know until you try it.
If she seems unwilling to share, a good head-butt to the bottom of the glass will send it flying and you can grab a taste before she cleans it up.
Max, you are so wise, and I think Buddah getting a lion cut is a great idea! What’s with all the horking?!?
Buddah has always barfed a lot, but the stabby people have never been able to figure out why. He’s healthy and his blood looks good, so they think he’s sensitive to some kinds of food. The people have tried a lot of different things and he horks less on the current food, but still…hork hork hork.
Honestly, I think he’s proud of it. I mean, who wouldn’t be? He’s painted almost all the furniture in the house.
Max, why isn’t there Grubhub or Door Dash for kitties?
Because we can’t drive, most likely.
Oh, you meant delivery. If you can use a phone and place an order, they’ll bring you food. Just tip well. Really well. I suggest you borrow your person’s credit card to facilitate things. And while you’re at it, score some premium nip online. You know, so you have a stash. Everyone needs a stash.
I need a stash.
Oh wait…I have one.
Y’all have a great week while I go play in it.
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