My friend, I am werried cuz my lady told her sister that after this week, they should start learning how to speek Rushin. Duz this meen I’ll have to eat Borscht? Cuz beets suk.
No worries. The people are the only ones whose diets may or may not change. Our lives will go on just fine, no matter what. Don’t let people politics bother you. Also, if you find yourself pressed to eat beets, I have it on good authority they can turn your poop red, and that’s just awesome.
My ma got me a kaputer game wif mousies dat run around and skweek and I hafta swat dem wif my paw. It was fun fer like 3 minnits, but ven I realized da mousies wasn’t real. Dey are just like virtual mousies dat don’t have all 3 dimensions and exist only in a stereotypical hooman construct of wut kittehs fink is entertaining. It a bit condescending. Also, I fink my ma finks da mousies are real. She keeps trying to make me play wif da fing. How do I explain dese meta conceps to her?
Fanks, Gracie Bernadette Thompson
Oh, man, the Woman tried to get me to play one of those games, too. It was mildly interesting for 3.74 seconds and I didn’t even bother swatting anything. After that, anytime she presented me with the pad, I just plopped down on it. If you keep covering it up with your asterisk, she’ll stop offering. For some reason, people are picky and don’t want the kitties napping on their things.
If that doesn’t work, squat like you’re gonna pee on it. She’ll get super excited, and you’ll never have to bother with it again.
HAY MAX HAVE YOO EVER GOT TO EAT ***ARTYCHOKE PARMEZAN DIP***????? MAN, IN ALL MY FIFTEEN YEERS OF LIVING, THE ONLY THING THAT I’VE TASTED THAT IS BETTER IS MAYBE CRAB. IF THEY EVER MAKE CRAB ARTICHOKE PARMEZAN DIP, YOU CAN FORWERD MY MALE TO THE FAT FARM, CUZ I WILL EAT ELEVENTY GALLONS OF IT AND I DO NOT CARE IF PEEPS CALL ME PUDGY.
Oh, dood, you might as well make yourself a reservation to the fat farm, because I found a TON of recipes for crab artichoke parm dip online.
I’ve never tried it, but it definitely looks nom-worthy. I don’t think I’ll ever get to, though, because the Woman once had an artichoke and she stood there holding it and was like, “What the frak do I do with this thing???” Someone told her to dip it in butter but the end result was a weird veggie with added slippery, and she never did figure out how to open it up.
AND I’VE NEVER HAD CRAB!
Now I’m just feeling deprived. THANKS FOR THAT.
Dear Max, what would you do if you lost Buddah?
Why? Are you planning something? Do you need me to open the front door or something? Crack open a window? TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO! I either need to warn someone of an impending invasion, or figure out how to record video and then upload that chit to You Tube for some sweet, sweet Internet Glory.
Max when do the sticky people go back to school? I’m tired and need a nap.
Not soon enough from what I hear. But it could be anywhere from 2 weeks to a month depending on where you live.
I suggest you find a nice, quiet closet and spend the rest of summer napping there. It’ll be quiet, they’ll leave you alone, and you’ll probably want to keep that spot even after they’re out of your hair. Closets are awesome, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a nice pile of towels to roll around on.
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