Ask Max Monday: When In Doubt, POOF

Ask Max Monday

Dear Maxx,
I am a princess, a VERY pampered princess (Sphynx) and mommy just told me the other day I may be gettin a little sister. It’s bad enough she just got married to a big guy (tho I do have to say, he is bald like me) who for some reason does not like me to sleep between them, and won’t let me sit on mommy’s lap when she eats dinner anymore.. Anyway, If I let mom bring in a little siser will she get to sleep with them cause she’s the baby? Also, Will I have to share my heated bed? I so love my bed and blankets. Will mommy still tuck me in bed every night or will I have to give that up too. It’s bad enough I have to share her with the big bald man, But seriously how much more do I have to take??
Purfect Princess in Michigan

Well, the good news is that she probably won’t get to sleep with the people if you don’t get to. The bad news is that you’re probably going to wind up sharing your heated bed whether you like it or not or even whether the people say you have to or not. Little sibling kitties are pushy things, and they try to do what they want when they want.

The thing is…you might actually like it. When Buddah was little I let him plop down on me a few times and cuddle up to me, and if he hadn’t turned into spastic crack-head who likes to use his teeth, I might still let him. So give it a chance. If she’s a sweet kitty, you’ll like having her close. If not, you’ll figure out a way to make her leave you alone.

Practice growling. It really works.

Mr Max
What am I to do with the dimwit staff? Here’s the thing. I like to play in my water dish. I like to tip over the water and make a BIG sploosh and leave a soggy spot for rolling in. Sometimes the dish gets a bit damaged and the lady takes it away. Well, the last three times. Then she got this metal sqare dsh that feels wrong and doesn’t tip because its wedges under the bottom edge of a cabinet, so when she put down a heavy ceramic bowl I was way happy. I used that for weeks until a few days ago when I finally was able to tip it over. Joy and dancing! She just left it upside down in the middle of the hall. Did NOT refill it. What the ..? So I sacrificed my third favorite furtoy to it. Scatter the remains all around it. But all she did was remove the bowl. No more bowl, no more splashy water. What to do?

You will win this, don’t you worry. It doesn’t matter if the metal square dish doesn’t tip (I assume that’s what you get your water in now? Because if she took away ALL your water, you need to start pooping on things) because you obviously don’t care about getting wet if you’re rolling in it. So dood…use your paws. Scoop that water out onto the floor and enjoy some glorious rolling-in-it time, and then go jump on her lap. She’ll like that. A lot.

Dear Max, Do belly button flubbers cause cancer?

Everything causes cancer. Just watch the news; no matter what it is, they say it causes cancer. But I don’t know what belly button flubbers are, so I can only assume they’re a part of everything.

Hi Max,
There is strange cats at our house, and one is a fluffy orange cat who threatens me.What should I do?

Make yourself all big and poofy by sticking all your furs out, and then growl and hiss at him. Bullies sometimes back down when other kitties sticks up for themselves. Getting all POOF does a lot; make sure you arch your back when you do it and growl, too, because that says I MEEN IT! If that doesn’t work, run and hide in a closet. He’ll think he won, but really, you’re just going somewhere to take a nice nap and re-energize. A nice nap is never a bad idea. In fact, I think I’ll go take one now.

10 thoughts on “Ask Max Monday: When In Doubt, POOF

  1. Deer Max – The mom is going away for a whole week and our Auntie is going to stay with us. What is the sleeping protocol? Does we haf to sleep on Auntie’s bed like we sleep on the mom’s bed? What about sticking nosed up her nostrils like we do with the mom? Lastly, would it be vary mean to insist on making her give us stinky goodness when the mom does not let us haf it anymore? We KNOW where the stash is. It would not be hard to get her to give us some.

  2. Hey Max,

    My big bro Guinness wrote in a couple of weeks ago and told me you gave him some good advice. My Mommy always looks at me and says “Bailey, whatever you’re up to, stop it!” How does she know? I mean the last time I was gonna pounce on my brother Cider… but dude how does she know? and she always says “Bailey, your so orange, your orange!” and then smiles at me. what does that mean? I know I’m orange, dammit!

    thanks for listening.

    -Bailey (Cider and Guinness say hi too)

    PS I heard Mommy and Daddy talkin’ bout some cruise they’re goin on next month, sayin how grandma and grandpa are gonna stop by and clean our litter and feed us (because i caused “a scene” at the boarding place last year. to my defense they know im a cat, they should know i will try to escape!), do you know what that means? House Partyyyyy!!! Of course you will be invited…..

  3. Max – we gots a question. OK – so bad enough mom brings home little fuzzie kittens to foster. But now there is a strange tuxedo girl in the bathroom and she isn’t a kitten. Mom said that people were mean to her and the girl kitty was very skinny and very scared and we have to be very very nice to her. What kind of peoples do that kind of things to kitties and then kick them out where other kittie’s humans have to care for them.

    THANKS – the Random Felines

  4. Max, belly button flubbers is when a peoples put their lips on your belly button and blow out making slobbery sounds. But don’t worry, I won’t let them do it anymore since it is cancerous. And undignified.

    1. Dood. Let them do it one more time.And when they do, attack the head that’s in your personal space. Teeth, claws…just don’t draw too much blood or they’ll be to weak to feed you later. Just one time, though, that’s all it will take before they decide that’s just not the best idea they ever had.

  5. Hey, Max! Do you think that Princess might be getting a HUMAN little sister? That would be a lot different.

    1. Oh wow. That changes everything. Sticky people get to do pretty much whatever the want…including sleeping on the bed. But that’s all right! If they’re on the bed they’re not on the floor where they can reach kitty tails!

    2. Hey Max,

      Guess what?? Mom is still looking at bringing home a new bald baby, but since momma’s new bald man travels alot I still get to sleep in bed wiff her when he’s not home.. yay!! (I think the bald man and I are related, being bald and all)and I think she may talk big bald man into a bigger bed so we can all fit.. OOOO and Little Nicky, no chance of a human baby.. Momma says shes way too old..

      hugs and whisker rubs (If I had any that is.. lol)
      PP (^..^)
      (Pampered Princess)

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