We are pleased to interview Finnegan, Charlie, Phelps, Darth Vader, Quicksilver, Amber and Lily from the blog, Daily Feline Wisdom.
FunnyFarmer Felines: Please introduce yourselves and your human.
Finnegan: We are a family of seven cats. Our names, in order of oldest to youngest, are Charlie (formerly known as Pumpkin), Phelps (aka Phelpsie), Darth Vader, Quicksilver, Amber, Lily and me, Finnegan. We have two humans, although we would like one or two more, as the feline to human ratio is 3.5 to 1 now and service sometimes suffers, especially in terms of efficiency.
Charlie: Speaking of efficiency, it took me two “Meows” to get Human Mommy to turn on the bathtub faucet for my hydration session this morning.
Darth Vader: Human Daddy made the “nommy-nommy, I’m about to bestow stinky goodness on you” noise last night but did not follow through for a full 10 periods of starvation.
Finnegan: So, like, for 10 minutes?
Darth Vader: 5 minutes, tops. I am bigger than you. My metabolism runs faster. I enter a state of starvation every 30 seconds sans stinky goodness.
Amber: I hate it when Human Mommy makes the “nommy-nommy noise” just so that we look a her phone for a photo but doesn’t feed us.
Lily: I always fall for that.
Phelpsie: Don’t even pretend, Miss Lily. You love the camera.
Lily: True, that I do. I’m kind of indifferent to food, but I do like having my picture taken by the paparazzi.
Quicksilver: While I do agree that another Human Servant would be a fine addition to our household, I also appreciate the flipside of efficiency, i.e. inefficiency, i.e. the beautifully slow reflexes and poor planning of our Human Mommy that compel her to leave an enormous bowl of tuna salad unattended on the counter top long enough to sate our hunger.
Amber: I felt like Human Mommy overdid it on the celery.
Quicksilver: Maybe… But it was FREE TUNA. I didn’t even have to purr. I just had to jump up on the counter while Human Mommy was distracted and eat my fill.
Funny Farmer Felines: How did you all come to live together?
Finnegan: Human Mommy and Daddy adopted me upon the passing of their boy-cat Stretch.
Charlie: My ex-human mommy was going to take me to the pound until my new Humans stepped in. I am 16 years old and grouchy. I love my new Humans, especially Human Mommy, because her voice is light and sing-song like and she opens the bathtub faucet for me so that I can hydrate.
Amber: Human Mommy and Daddy adopted me and my daughter Lily upon the passing of their girl-cat Holly.
Quicksilver: I showed up on Human Daddy’s birthday and meowed insistently at the door. Two days later, I acquired all my shots, access to the inside and my name. Three days later, I had my collar. In no time at all, I was part of the clowder.
Phelps: I arrived on the last day of the 2008 Summer Olympics. It was a Sunday—Human Mommy took me to two different vets, the only ones in the area with weekend hours, to make sure that I was healthy. To this day, I become violently sick in cars.
Darth Vader: Human Mommy adopted me upon the passing of her first true love, Ninja. We are all glad Human Mommy and Daddy found each other so that they can continue loving each other and us cats.
Funny Farmer Felines: Tell us a little about the area where you live.
Amber: The bird TV is good…
Lily: …So long as Human Daddy keeps the TV receivers filled with sunflower seed.
Darth Vader: The fish television is not terrible…
Quicksilver: …So long as you find Betta monologues entertaining.
Finnegan: There are too many closed doors.
Phelps: Way too many closed doors.
Charlie: Especially the door that separates me from the drippy faucet of youth.
Funny Farmer Felines: Do you have any nicknames?
Darth Vader: Panther, Vade, the Vadiest of the Vades, Darth, the Darthiest of the Darths.
Phelps: Phelpsie, Phelsper, Guardian, Man-at-Arms.
Quicksilver: Quick, Silv’, Silverado.
Finnegan: Finny, Finn, Little Guy.
Charlie: Charles, Sir Charles, Charlie Man Banana.
Lily: Princess, Lily Pot, Petunia, Petunia Pot.
Amber: Amba, Amber Eyes, Angel Eyes, Cheetah. Funny Farmer Felines: What kind of mischief do you like to get into, either separately or together?
Finnegan: My girlfriend Miss Lily and I are the youngest. We have daily chase sessions and occasionally help the Humans cull their knick-knacks by knocking them over, inadvertently of course.
Amber: Sometimes I just look at Charlie. He inevitably hisses and growls and says some inappropriate words.
Quicksilver: I frequently visit the kitchen countertops but am not sure if this constitutes “mischief”. Human Mommy barely reacts, except to skritch my ears, but Human Daddy speaks sternly and tells me to jump down.
Funny Farmer Felines: You are new to blogging. What prompted you to begin?
Finnegan: We have been blogging since July 20, 2015. We post one picture accompanied by words of feline wisdom daily.
Lily: We started blogging because every weekday morning, without fail, our Human Mommy looks at us and says “I wish I were a cat.” Lacking a tail, whiskers and any discernable sense of balance, Human Mommy can’t really become a cat but we thought that we could help her and other humans out by posting daily feline wisdom and advice so that humans can at least adopt a cat-like perspective on life.
Quicksilver: Although we are happy if humans can learn to think and act more like us, we want to make it clear that humans should not attempt to become cats.
Amber: Humans, you are too clumsy.
Phelps: We also appreciate your opposable, can-opening thumbs.
Funny Farmer Felines: How would you describe yourself?
Finnegan: I’m an optimist! Every day is a new chance to receive strokes and treats and maybe even catch a bird.
Darth Vader: I’m a realist. The kibble container is frequently half-empty. I start expressing my worries about the kibble supply when it is three-quarters empty.
Finnegan: Uncle Darth? I think that might make you a pessimist.
Darth: No Finnegan. I’d only be a pessimist if I started singing the song of starvation when the kibble container is half empty. I wait until it is three-quarters empty.
Phelps: I’m the strong, silent type, but I’m also really good with the Human Ladies in the neighborhood who give me extra kibble, treats and head skritches.
Charlie: I’m a loner. I would much prefer if everybody but Human Mommy and possibly Miss Lily just left me alone.
Lily: I’m a friendly girl. I get along with everyone, even Uncle Charlie.
Quicksilver: I’m a smooth operator—it took me only a couple of days to talk my way into the household.
Amber: I am the supreme leader of the household, obviously.
Funny Farmer Felines: If we were to ask your mom what she loves best about you, what do you think she would say?
Darth Vader: In particular, Human Mommy loves it when I head-butt her arm repeatedly and almost cause her to spill her coffee.
Phelps: She loves it when I sit on top of her and dig my claws repeatedly into her flesh to say “I love you.”
Lily: Mommy loves it when I wake her up at three in the morning to remind her to go to the bathroom.
Charlie: She loves it when I follow her to the bathroom at three in the morning for my hydration session.
Amber: She loves it when I sleep on her chest.
Quicksilver: She loves it when I sleep on her head.
Finnegan: Human Mommy loves everything about us and what we do. We are cats. What’s not to love?
Funny Farmer Felines: We hope you have enjoyed meeting Finnegan and his siblings Charlie, Phelps, Darth Vader, Quicksilver, Amber and Lily They are always to visitors on their blog, Daily Feline Wisdom.