Deer Max, I have a problim.
I have spent 6-1/2 yeers purrfecting my litter box tekneek. I plant myself and then I kind of poke my butt up in the air and then I wiggle my hips seeduktivly. The wiggle is my signature moove. And then I pee.
Well, the Food Lady has bin raining on my purrade by complaning abowt how win my butt is way up hi and wiggling, I kinda git pee evryware but in the litter box. She puts down pee pads but she complanes that the howse is starting to smell like an old fokes home.
I think it’s rood for her to try to stifle my creativity and put an end to my signature wiggle. In fakt, I think it goze aginst my Ferst Amendmint rites. But she keeps yelling, “BUTT DOWN, SKEEZIX!” to me whenever I plant myself.
While I don’t have your technical moves—which are, I might add, quite creative and worthy of some people appreciation—I, too, have pee issues when it comes to where it winds up. For a long time I kept going over the edge of the box, and the Woman kept moaning, “Why can’t you get it IN the box?”
Well. Clearly there was a design flaw in the construction of the box. It couldn’t be my fault after all. She finally scraped a brain cell or two together and realized I needed a bigger, taller box. Once she bought one for me, I stopped peeing over the edge, because dood, no kitty has legs long enough to do that in this box.
The Food Lady could look into a taller box for you (but being of slight but well-muscled stature, you might need a ramp to get in it) but if she doesn’t want to do that, then dood, if she doesn’t like it she’ll just have to accompany you to the box each and every time and point your weapon in the direction she would like it aimed.
And hey! You might like that…
Dear Max today (Sunday) was our Mom Thing’s birthday, but we didn’t have a way to get her anything as a present. So this morning all three of us jumped onto the bed when she woke up and we all plopped down on the Dad Thing’s face and wiggled a little. Goofy even rubbed his junk on the Dad Thing’s mouth. It made the Mom Thing laugh really hard. Was that a good present? Should we do more?
I don’t see how you could possibly give her a better birthday gift. If you’d gotten her a box of candy she would have eaten it and then it would be gone, but she will always have the memory of Goofy’s junk on the Dad Thing’s face, and it will always make her laugh, so you did good!
Now, should you do more? Sure. It’s always a good idea to make your people laugh. I bet she’d find it hysterical if you jumped up on the bed and licked the Dad Thing right on the lips. Or bounce on him, right above his favorite personal toy, first thing in the morning. That always makes the women laugh. In fact, just do something to him every morning. You’ll be giving her the gift of laughter every single day!