That was a refrain Tripper the Psycho Stray Cat often heard from me. Given all the crispy bits embellishing his nether regions, I had to insist on a face-to-face relationship. He was quick to comply…I always suspected there was a little human inside of him, because he always demonstrated that he understood every single word I said—as when he did tricks via voice command. Or, when caught doing something he oughtn’t, he’d flash a smile, undo, and chuckle, “Just seein’ if you wuz payin’ attention.”

The BIF moments came at bedtime. Every night he’d wait for me, in my spot on the bed, and when I climbed in, he’d climb aboard my mommy bags. Every so often when doing so, he’d position his 23-pound beanbag of a body with his head pointed at my toes, tail straight up, his crusty orifice smiling at me, at which point I’d have to sing my “NO BUTT IN FACE” chorus. He’d pretend to be a little hurt at my rejection of his offering.

This was always our special one-on-one time, and no other cats were invited. I’d say my prayers while giving him face rubs, body pets and head bonks. After ten or fifteen minutes, I’d Say, “OK, that’s it, buddy,” and he’d deplane, often planting himself crossways in the center of the bed lying on his back and letting it all hang out, or nestling into my crotch. 

Which brings us to the new bedtime book by Rosa Silva, Get Your Butt Off My Face.

It’s a funny little bedtime picture book, told in Silav’s verse with illustrations by Diana Necsulescu. It covers territory with which we’re all familiar—like when you have a weird stinky dream only to wake up to see that familiar asterisk.

I open my eyes and there’s your butt.
Why is that butt always up?
I love you, dear kitty, without a doubt,
But sometimes you make me wanna shout.

It’s a nice holiday gift idea if you know a cat lover who has a cat who’s plagued by BIF antics. (Even more so if the offending cat’s a ginger, like the one in the book.)

You’ll find Get Your Butt Off My Face at Amazon, available both in paperback and Kindle formats. (Paperback is $9.99, and Kindle is $2.99.)

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